Christmas Prayer

Here's a prayer/blessing from our church's Christmas Eve service that I thought I'd share.....

Praise God from whom all blessing flow!
Praise God, all creatures here below!
You are the shepherds telling the story
We tell it in the streets and across the land.
You are the wise ones worshiping with thanksgiving,
We worship with gifts of song and service, talents and treasures.
You are the angels announcing peace.
We live with joy and go now in peace.

JOY

JOY!

It's a word that we don't use very often in our everyday language. We use the word joy or rejoice often in speaking and singing about Christmas and Easter. Christmas, a time to celebrate Jesus the Messiah's birth and Easter, a time to celebrate Jesus the Christ's resurrection. Joy is not just a word to describe birth or re-birth, it's a word to describe our lives everyday. If we choose to do so. How many of us can say that we live our lives joyfully? It doesn't have to mean giddy, smiley, thrilling or high all the time? But is that not what we often think of when we hear "joy" (i.e. joy ride)?


Joy means "a condition or feeling of high pleasure or delight; happiness; gladness; An expression of manifestation of such feeling." How many of us can say that we live our lives everyday with happiness and gladness? Oh, we all have periods or maybe just moments of joy throughout our day, week, month, or year. Joy is not just a gift of feeling delight, it's an action, an expression of such feeling. How many of our family, friends or co-workers would say about us, "He/She is a delight to be around."?


Living a life of joy does not mean that we will not face obstacles and challenges. However, can we take those obstacles and challenges and convert them into opportunities to share our joy? Sharing is an action, a giving of ourselves... our time, talents and treasures. Why not try to live your life "joyfully" this Christmas? Maybe even into next year? A Joyous Christmas to all!

Dear Santa

I was just reading an article in Real Simple magazine with Letters to Santa. The letters were written by authors as they may have written in their younger years and even one letter to Santa as the author may write in the future. It brought to mind a letter that I wrote when I was 8 years old..... 1959


Dear Santa Claus,
I want some clothes for my doll. Here are the clothes that I want. A bride dress, some home dresses, pedal pushers, and a coat. And some pairs of high heels. She is 11 inches tall. She is 2 inches wide. I hope you will bring them for me. I will say thank you now because you will bring them for me. And this will be the only chance to say thank you. I love you Santa Claus.
Love Rayna, and her doll RoAnn

The letter was saved by one of the "North Pole" postal worker's wife. Yes, I named by doll after my baby sister, RoAnn, who was 2 years old at the time. It got me thinking of what I would have written to Santa at other times in my life....


1968, Age 17 years
Hi Santa,
I know that I have to say that I believe in you for the sake of my six sisters and brother. I'm the oldest and have to set a good example. Yes, Mom had another baby... actually twins were born in June. They sure are cute and they are starting to be fun! But, they are a lot of work, getting up in the middle of the night to feed them a bottle; going into town to do loads of laundry and dozens of diapers. I resent having to do that especially now when it's so dark and cold out at night, but it beats staying home and trying to do my homework in the noisy house. I know, I'm a complainer. Santa, just help me get through my Senior year in high school so that I can go to college next year. You can bring me a letter from the college saying they accept me. That would me nice. Help Mom and Dad find some money to get some nice presents for my sisters and brother, they need it. We're so poor and Dad drinks too much. Could you help Dad to stay sober on Christmas Eve? Anything you can do to help would be wonderful. I know that you don't really exist, but I just had to get my feelings out. Rayna



1979, Age 28
Dear Santa,
Well, I've been sober for about three weeks now. Taking after my father, just like my mother yelled about me for years now. But it's OK, I feel better admitting that I've been drinking too much and I can't control it any longer. Once I get started drinking, I don't stop. It's going to be a different Christmas this year, without drinking. But I don't really feel deprived as I'm excited about taking a trip next year. I'm going to wander off and see the country of the western United States for awhile. I have a job waitressing to make extra money. Santa, help me to make good tips and to have the determination to stay sober and really go on this trip. I need this!
Rayna



1988, Age 37
Santa,
Paul & I just need some things to make our first home together more cozy. For one thing, we need a window air conditioner in the bedroom. It gets so hot here in Georgia and that window air conditioner will help us sleep better. This place is an old house (about 70 years old) with virtually no insulation and a tin roof. It's quaint and we have painted and fixed it up the best we can. A new couch would be nice to replace the old, lumpy one we are using. Oh well, that's life and I'm so glad to have some decorations to brighten this place.
Rayna (and Paul)



1998, Age 47
Dear Santa,
This is our last Christmas in Georgia, we're moving to Wisconsin next year! I'm so excited to be moving "back home." We found land on lake up there and we're going to build a house or cabin. We're going to have friends over to our place on Christmas Eve as is our tradition, so as you are making your trip around the world, we'll be celebrating. Can't think of anything that we need this year.
Rayna



2008, Age 57
I suppose you don't get too many letters from 57 years old ladies, but what the heck? I'm young at heart or at least I like to think I am. I guess I am younger than most of my neighbors, who would have thought I'd be living in an over 55 community? This year, I'm not going to ask for anything for Paul & I. I have a good job and Paul has a good retirement; we have a house full of furniture; we have a church to go; and we have friends to visit. I would just ask that you bring my parents, that are both still alive, good health and safety. They are still independent. Yes, we kids sometimes think (and say) "stubbornly independent." But all in all, I'm so thankful they're alive and well. Help them stay so, will you Santa?
Rayna

Girls!

Well, tomorrow the girls come to Texas! Yup! My six sisters are coming to Texas for our tenth annual Wild Women's Weekend. I don't think we will be dressed like the bottom picture and wearing cowboy hats, but then you never know what might happen. Last month or so, I shared a picture I had taken of seven beach beauties. That picture was hanging outside the ladies room in a marina in Wisconsin. This picture of seven cow girls was hanging outside the ladies room in a hotel in western Texas. The top picture is of my sisters and I taken four years ago at My Sister's Place, a restaurant in northern Minnesota, on our sixth annual WWW. We always make sure that we get pictures of the seven of us and I'm sure this weekend will be no exception. Well, until the festivities are over (which will be too soon), I will be ignoring this blog as I party hardy and celebrate Wild Women's Weekend Ten!

MEXICO

Hubby and I went to Mexico today to browse around, scout it out, get some booze for my upcoming Wild Women's Weekend.... eleven days and counting! Brought my camera because Mexico must be another word for color! The dresses in the the top picture show the deep colors and rich lace. The bottom pictures shows the colors of a lively funny bunch of frogs. (I wonder how many other people bring their cameras into stores and take pictures of the merchandise?)

When we go to Mexico, we're wimps! We park on the Texas side and walk into Nuevo Progresso. So for saying we've been to Mexico, it's only about 1/2 mile from the border. Many of the signs are in English, yet the bartering and begging is totally unlike the states. Yes, in some cases, a half mile can make quite a difference.

We didn't buy too much, but we went to a restaurant that was suggested by neighbors. We were the first ones there for lunch and had the place to ourselves for some time. We treated ourselves to "two-fer-one" priced margaritas. Neither hubby or I are big margarita fans, but thought we best check it out for #2 sister who likes them. There were OK and then shortly after lunch was brought, the waiter brought two more. We kindly told him, "No, we didn't order another one." He says, "On the house." On the house, alright! The second one must have had a kick to it, more than the first because I felt it kick-in! Anyway, since the place was basically deserted, I was not sure what the atmosphere was like on a daily basis. Was it rowdy, noisy? Or was it a quiet, subdued place for lunch? So I asked the waiter, "If I bring my six sisters in here, is it OK if we laugh and be loud (which is quite typical of us) or do we need to be quiet?" He said, "Let me ask manager." Not a good sign, I think.

Well, he came back to our table and said, "Fine, fine, you bring your sisters here" or something to that effect. I had two margaritas under my belt so I think that's what he said. :) Anyway, I am really getting excited about my sister's trip down here to Texas for WWW X! Whoo-hoo! We will make our own "margarita-ville" in the southern tip of Texas! Come on down, sisters!

Memories

Yesterday, my sister lost a dear friend to cancer. She wrote in her blog about the "hole in her heart" due to the loss. I have been so fortunate to have NOT lost anyone extremely close to me. Both of my parents are alive. Even though their loss was felt, my grandparents died at an elderly age. In response to my sister's writing, Mrs. Rahn, someone I don't know, commented on her blog and I share this profound wisdom today with you.

"Although the hole doesn't completely disappear, it gets smaller and begins to serve as a well of memories instead of heartache and tears."

Wow! I really like that! The above picture is one of my favorites as the flower has the shadow on it and it has a mystery about it. Flowers also serve as wells for moisture, bugs, bees, ants and pollen. Flowers symbolize many memories for me, thankfully, no heartache and tears. I pray that your day today was one of memories.

Grand

The Grand Tetons. I will never forget seeing them for the first time last September. The mountains just pop out of the earth in a string of spectacular grandeur. The lake in front of them only makes it more picturesque. I wish we could have spent more than a day there, as it was at the end of our trip. Some days, actually many days, I wish for retirement so that in our travels we could spend an extra day or two someplace that interests us. But with the way the market is going downhill, it will be awhile before I can retire AND have money to spend traveling. Until then, I guess I'll just look at pictures like this and dream.

Walk a Mile in Their Shoe(s)

The pictures show a child's plastic shoe made to look like a car. Ironically, I saw the shoe at a gas station that we stopped at in New Mexico. It probably fell out of a car as Mom or Dad opened the door to give their child a treat they bought in the station's store. It caught my eye because of the bright color, but also because of it's loneliness. There were no other cars at the station, but for ours and this little car. It almost appeared to be waiting to be filled up. Oh, the stories that shoe could tell. If I could, I would have slipped on that shoe and "walked" a mile in that shoe and have it tell me who it belonged to? Will the child cry when they discover their shoe is missing? Will Mom or Dad be mad or consoling? So many stories.

Six months ago I participated in the Walk to Emmaus. It was a spiritually moving and spiritually fulfilling weekend. One of my neighbors participated in the Walk this weekend. Since I have "walked" in her shoes, I wondered how her story would be the same and/or different than mine. Every one's experience could be similar or it could be vastly different. Years ago, a wise boss told me, "Perception is reality." It's been so helpful to often remember that phrase. I knew that no matter what my friend's perception of the Walk, I could pray for her to gain some insight for herself.

Speaking of walking, hubby and I started walking on Monday and have done so each morning. We started with a one mile walk and on Saturday, I did one and half miles. After months of not walking and gaining back almost every pound I lost last year, I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to do a mile the first day and an extra half mile by the end of the first week. I know there are people reading this, that know that they too can "walk a mile in my shoes," as they have been on the roller-coaster ride of weight loss and gain. I could write and say, "I hope that this time I keep on walking." But, I can only take care of today. I have walked "miles" in my dreams, yet my plans fizzle out quickly. Therefore, it's today I will focus on, as tomorrow may never come and if it does, then it will be "today"!

Busy as Bees

Happy Bosses Day! Oops, did you forget like I did? I saw another boss getting a gift from her staff this morning and I said, "Bosses Day? Oh-oh, I forgot." Luckily the stores still had some decent cards and a favorite restaurant sells gift cards, so my boss was not forgotten.


Contrary to what I said yesterday, my staff must think I'm better than a piranha as they gave me a huge basket full of treats and really nice stuff like a bracelet, dove figurine and a beautiful mug. They must have been busy as bees getting their money together for that gift. I have a great group of people to work with and the majority give 110% to their jobs. Our jobs keeps all of very busy and I am thankful that I can say I'm happy on Bosses Day. Blessings to you too!


Speaking of blessings, my sister sent me an email to remind me that 53 years ago today, I was baptized in the Christian faith. I was four and my two sisters were 1+ years and the other was five months. We were baptized together, at the prompting of my paternal grandmother. At that time my father was a back-sliding Christian and my mother and her family never went to church except for funerals. So Grandma must have convinced our parents to have us baptized. I can still remember the picture-taking episode afterward.



Even though it was October, it was a warm day and the sun was beating down. The adults decided to prop the three of us on top of the car hood to take a picture. Back in those days, having a car was still pretty darn special. So any chance they got to have their car in the picture, so much more the better. Well, the afternoon sun had turned that dark green car into a heat magnet. They sat us on the car and it burned our legs. My sister that was a little over a year old started crying and the adults could not figure out why? They thought she was scared being up so high on the car, so they kept re-adjusting her. All I can vaguely remember is thinking, "Let's get this picture-taking stuff over with so we can get OFF this car!" I think the infamous picture shows me frowning and my sister crying. Happy Baptism Day! Fire and water, how appropriate.

Piranha

Piranha. What a beautiful fish with an ugly personality! A flesh-eating freshwater fish! What made me choose this picture tonight? I told myself I'd pick the first picture that interested me and then I'd write. Hmmmm? Is my "personality" ugly or am I a "flesh-eating" person? Some people may say I'm "flesh-eating" since in my less than two years at this job, I have involuntarily terminated (politically correct words for "fired") two staff and forced two others to resign or get fired! It is certainly not the most pleasant part of my job, in fact it's tough. I am one of these people that always fears the worse.... getting fired. I came close at one job, but got a written warning instead. No matter how well people may say I'm doing at my job, I still have my doubts. I have my fears. My husband says I lack self-confidence, yet I don't always show it. I wish I had the thick skin of the piranha. Although some of the bulges on the piranha look like my face... on a good day. :) Oh well, self-degradation is a family fault that I also inherited.

Fire

Fire, it can be warming, comforting, mesmerizing, threatening, killing and dying. The fire above is of a lakeside campfire. It provides warmth and entertainment on a cool October night. Unattended this fire will either go out of control and possible threaten people or habitat or it will die down to chunks of burnt wood.

Hubby and I saw the movie "Fireproof" today. It's movie about marriage and relationships between people. More importantly it's a movie about the relationship between God and people. There are many people that think that their relationships with other people (including spouses) is "fireproof," nothing can endanger it. However, a fireproof marriage (or any other type of relationship) does not mean that it will never have to withstand the onslaught of a fire. Being fireproof means it will be able to withstand damage from a fire. Fires come in all sorts of ways. Fire may be lust, greed, neglect, abuse, drugs, just to name a few.

How fireproof are your relationships? Can your relationships withstand damage from a fire? God gives us the strength to become the type of person that will build a fireproof relationship. He is our hope and our salvation.

Missing the Action

Look there's a bird in the bird bath!


I whip my head around and there it is splashing up a storm. The bright morning sun makes the bird a mere shadow on the landscape. The bird is ferociously splashing that water and the water droplets make a glistening fountain. It's an awesome picture, isn't it? Something you'd see on a calendar.


Go get the camera!


I run to the office to get my camera and thoughts are going a hundred-miles-an-hour through my brain.


By the time I get back to the door, the bird will be gone!


Why don't I just stand at the door and watch it?


Here I am missing another wonderful scene!


I hope I have that picture in my mind because I probably won't get a real photo.


Well, that's all right. I mean all that I thought was right. The bird was gone and I stood at the door for five minutes with my camera posed until my arm and hands went numb. Therefore, no photo for you today. Can you see the picture in my mind? I hope so, it was quite the scene. :)

Land of Enchantment

New Mexico, the land of enchantment. How about some colorful photo after yesterday's dreary and darkening blog? These colors are awesome and so is the state of New Mexico. My friend told me after our last visit there that the un-official motto of New Mexico is Land of Entrapment. That is because people keep coming back to visit and before they know it they want to live there. My first visit to New Mexico was 28 years ago and then a few visits in the past 10-12 years since Hubby's sister moved there. The last visit to New Mexico was in May and we drove through a small portion of it (it's the fifth largest state in USA). Anyway, after we got home, I have thought of New Mexico quite often and gazing at pictures like this certainly tug at my heart strings. Land of Enchantment. Land of Entrapment. Either way, it's OK.

Black-Out

This is one of several pictures that I took inside the Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico. Some show a hint of something in it, some photos you can actually see what the rock formation looks like and then there are photos like this. A total black-out!


A black-out blocks out all vision or sight of what's before us and around us. A physical black-out blocks out all remembrance of what's happened to us. Alcoholics and other heavy drinkers may experience black-outs, where all memory of what has happened for minutes, hours or even days is gone. Their memories are as black and blank as this photo.


I had a "black-out" today. Thank goodness it was not related to drinking, however it was scary. I started to keep a journal of what I am eating, how I am feeling and what I am thinking as I eat. It gives me a tool to really see what I am eating, how much I am eating and why. Today, after a meeting there were brownies for employees to take. I "automatically" went and grabbed one. I use the word automatically because, I did not think about it, I just did it. As I walking back to my office with this brownie, I looked at it and thought, "I wasn't hungry, I don't need this. But I want this, as brownies with nuts are one of my favorite sweets." So I got to my office and quickly wrote my thoughts on paper at 11:00 am. At 11:22 am I took my first bite of the brownie. At 1:10 pm I took my second bite of the brownie. I went to work on a major project on the computer, then went to a couple of my staff offices. At about 1:45 pm, on the way back to my office, I thought, I'll have the rest of that brownie now.


When I got back to my desk, I couldn't find that brownie anywhere on my desk. You may laugh, but I did have to move several piles of papers to see if it got stuck under them. I finally looked in the waste basket and saw the empty plate and not a crumb of brownie to be seen. I sat down and truly felt shocked, maybe even scared. "When did I eat that last half of the brownie? How much am I on automatic-pilot that I'm not even aware of the food that I'm eating?" And I wonder how I have gained weight when I can't even remember eating? Yes, I ate that brownie basically in a black-out, no recollection of even thinking of having that last half of brownie.


Nah, my food is not unmanageable! Ha! What a rude awakening. Maybe this is what in 12 Step programs they call a wake-up call. 10-4, another message received from somewhere.... telling me I have a problem with food. Right now, I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm just thankful for awareness and tools to use. I don't want to share another black-out photo or story with you again.

Sisters!

This photo is of a print hanging in a bathroom in Wisconsin. I really liked it because it has seven women ready to play and party, just like my six sisters and I will do next month. They are all coming down from Wisconsin and Minnesota to Texas to celebrate our tenth annual sister's weekend, more affectionately known as Wild Women's Weekend. When we all go to South Padre Island next month, I don't think we will be dressed quite like these maidens of the past, but we will be colorful. Colorful in dress and personality, I'm sure!

I'm the oldest of the family and we have one brother in the mixture. One of my sisters sent all of us a book of stories to read about sisters. It's sometimes hard to read because I envy the relationships that some of the authors have with their sister(s). I don't have a close relationship with my sisters and I was wondering, "Why?" I think it's because I ended up being more of "mother" with them than a sister. In fact the two youngest sisters (twins) that are seventeen years younger than me call me "the upstairs Mom." Don't get me wrong, I love that honor, especially since I had no children.

I think that another thing that has contributed to my feeling more of a "mother" than sister is the fact that I have lived away from Wisconsin and Minnesota for many years of my adult life. However, even when we spent seven years living up there recently, I still did not develop the sisterly friendships with my sisters. I can go months and rarely speak with any or all of them. But I know that come time for the big weekend, we will all start emailing and phoning each other as we finalize plans for the big weekend. When we all get together, we start talking like it's only been last weekend since we last saw each other. We all know the personalities of the other sisters; who will be quiet, who will be the life of the party, who will laugh the loudest, who will take the longest getting dressed, etc, etc. Somehow that bond is still there, in spite of long absences, we know each other, accept each other and love each other.

10-4-08 Ten-Four

Ten four oh eight! That's today! Today is the first day of the rest of my life. This morning, I remembered the phrase "Ten-four!" from the CB craze of the seventies. I wondered what does it really mean? So I looked it up on the Internet and it's the official police term for "message received." The slang meaning is "OK."



The above picture was taken on my recent birthday. I look happy with my chocolate cake, don't I? The smile belies my frustration with my weight gain. I have gained back almost all the weight I lost last year and I have not been exercising. I feel heavy physically and emotionally. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I swore last year that I would not be this heavy ever again. Here I am again.


Yesterday, my clothes felt very tight and last night I had difficulty walking very far without having to rest my sore back. I think the "message" has been received! OK, I need to change my habits. Yes, I need to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, perhaps even one bite at a time. I seem to plan big and act small. Let me explain how I work. I am a planner, always have been. I think of dreams and schemes and many ways to make improvements at home, my job and in my life and sometimes even other people's lives. I am not a do-er. I leave the "doing" part up to others, it's probably why I'm a good manager! My perseverance and commitment is zero, zilch!


No, this blog is not going back to my daily dissertation on my struggles physically, emotionally or spiritually. Today's blog is more about resignation. I quit! I get it now! Ten-four! Message received! OK! Life can not go on as it has. I need to change.

Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul." - Emily Dickinson

I don't photograph very many birds, except maybe sea gulls at the beach. This little guy was perched along the path near Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park. It was a cool day as you can see by the dark clouds behind him and his feathers were ruffling in the wind. I expected him to fly away the second the I stopped, but he let me take one picture of him. Maybe he was "frozen" in his spot and didn't have the energy to fly away. Anyway, I was rather surprised when I downloaded my pictures after that trip to find this photo, I like it. Even though it's dark and brooding, this bird speaks of perseverance in spite of the dreary weather. He speaks of "hope." I think this is a bluebird. Is he the "bluebird of happiness"?

I came home today in a foul mood, very little had gone right today, it seemed. As I was lamenting to hubby, I was glancing at a catalog and found the verse by Emily Dickinson. When I read it and I felt that there has to be hope somewhere in my job, in my day. I thought of this picture. Maybe, hope comes in a once-in-my-lifetime picture. Maybe, hope just perches nearby and allows us to ponder the beauty of it's feathers as they ruffle in the winds. Winds of change, winds of chaos. Maybe, even winds of contentment, if we allow it.

Yes, today I came home blowing like the wind. Blowing out words of discontentment and frustration. Once I "blew" myself out, I finally could sit and enjoy the evening and allow this little bluebird of happiness to "brighten" my day.

Fall Fotos!

Fall in South Texas means that the birds and butterflies are on their way back to our area. Some friends mentioned that there were lots of butterflies at the Birding Center in Edinburg, so hubby & I went up there and then went to Santa Ana National Wildlife park today. The above picture was a complete surprise as butterflies seem to fly away the second I get my camera close enough to get them in my site. This one lighted right on my finger and then transferred to hubby's finger so that I could get something other than a one-handed camera shot.

The next photo is colorful, therefore a favorite of mine. Now we get to photos of the weird!

Look at the designs on this spider web! It's the most unique spider web I have ever seen!

As we driving along I made hubby stop the car as I saw a mass on butterflies on the side of the road. They were oblivious to me as they had their lunch of javelina sh_t!

Finally for the benefit of my reptile-hating sisters, I have included this adorable little critter. Look at his colorful throat, he knows it's fall. He's showing off his colors! Happy Fall!

Red or Green? Red or Blue?

Red or green? That's the question (perhaps even the motto) of New Mexico when you are eating in restaurant there. They are referring to your desire for red or green pepper salsa with your meals. Choices! I took this picture of peppers, not in New Mexico, but in rural Wisconsin. The baskets were sitting on a vegetable stand on the farm of an Amish family. Just couldn't resist the colorful picture, taken last fall.

We're listening to the presidential debate tonight so I thought it's appropriate to also title today's blog "Red or Blue?" Choices! You get to make a choice, a very important choice. Like most Americans, we have our preferences, some prefer "blue," others prefer "red." They both have their positives and not-so-positive aspects. Choices!

The farm where I took this picture, that family also have a choice between presidential candidates. However, I think it's ironic that they will not be watching the candidates debate as they have no electricity. They will be reading about the candidates, not hearing or watching them. Their vote will count the same as mine. Choices! Don't forget to make your choice known by voting in November! God bless America and our freedoms.

Clouds

Today in South Texas, it's cloudy and rainy. I enjoy taking pictures of clouds, like these over eastern New Mexico. They say a cloudy day is often the best day to take photos, as the harsh light from sunshine is not as prevalent. If there were no clouds, this picture would not be the same. Cloudy days sometimes are the best days to stay inside and read a good book or magazine. I think that's just what I'm going to to!

Thick-Skinned

Tonight hubby told me that there's notice up on our community bulletin board that a nominating committee has been formed for our annual elections. If you have followed my blog, you know that there has been some dissension within our community. So this upcoming election ought to be interesting. I asked hubby, "What characteristics does a good board member need?"

His first reply was thick-skinned. Therefore, the picture of the buffalo. The buffalo certainly have a mass of fur that collects all kinds of matter and earthy material as the buffalo walks, lays and wallows in his territory. I think they are thick-skinned as the Indians used their hides to build their tee pees and it kept them warm and cool.

Hubby's second answer was, "They have to be able to listen to stupid requests." I think buffalo listen to that all the time. Here's an example. Buffalo are walking down the middle of the road (in Yellowstone Park) and you come upon them with your car. Buffaloes are big animals and take up most of the road, so it's difficult to drive around them as most of the park roads don't have much, if any shoulder. So at first the buffalo listen to our requests, "I want a picture." We humans take pictures, smile and cheer about our "good luck" in seeing a buffalo so close. The buffalo continues to slowly walk or he may even stop so that you can a great picture of his matted, grungy behind. Typical humans that we are, we grow weary very quickly with looking at a buffaloes behind or even his head, so we start inching our car forward. We think that will tell the buffalo to move along or even better, move over to the side of the road.

No such luck! Now, it's been 10 minutes and cars are piling up behind us. Someone way back in the line can't see the buffalo and starts honking their horn. Before you know it, there's no choice but to blow your horn too. To the buffalo that stupid noise is getting annoying. He approaches the car and before you can do anything, like back into the car behind you, the buffalo has put his horns into the car's grill and is proceeding to move his head up and down. Breaking pieces of the grill while he shakes his head, "Yes, I sure did hear your stupid request to move off of my road. Thanks for visiting."

That brings us to the third characteristic that hubby said the candidate has to have, "ability to be persuasive." After the buffalo gets off your car and turns around, he dumps his breakfast on the hood of your car. If that's not enough to persuade you to "get out of Dodge," I don't know what is?

On top of all these characteristics, Mr. Buffalo is kind of cute, isn't he? I think I'll let the nominating committee know that I nominate Mr. Buffalo for our board, what do you think?

Community, Come Unity

This morning during church we were listening to a video of a speaker from another country. He was using a word that I have often heard, but his pronunciation of it was slightly different. Different to the respect that I wrote the word and saw another word in it. He said the word "community" but he pronounced it more like "come unity."


Community: A group of people living in same locality and under same government; A social group or class having common interests; Similarity or identity; Society as a whole, public; A group of plants and animals living in a specific region under relatively similar conditions; Common possession or participation.

Unity: The state of being one, singleness; The state, quality or condition of accord or agreement; A combination or union thus formed; An ordering of all elements in a work of art or literature so that each contributes to a unified aesthetic effect; Singleness or constancy of purpose or action, continuity.

To me, the similarities of the words are there. Come together and unify into a community! A community can bring unity to a group of people, a singleness, an order, a continuity of purpose or action. You may have heard the church being described as the "community of Christ." What a rally cry for Christians, "Come unity!" Come and join in the unity of Christians. Come and join in the unity of all people to a single purpose. What a more worthy purpose than peace on earth?

Speaking of earth, I chose today's photo because it shows a community, a group of plants living in similar conditions. In this case it was a nursery, green house as we call it up North. I just couldn't resist taking a picture of the colorful planters all in a row. If you look really close, you may think the picture looks "different." You're right, this photo was made into "coloring-book" format. You can see the black lines delineating the edges of the pots, table and flowers. In this case it's already been colored for you.

There are so many "communities" that we each belong to, isn't there? We have our physical living location that is a community. We have our employment community. We have our church or religious community. We have our social, fun-loving, "let's do this" community. We have our political party community,or maybe we're in a community of those "undecided." We have the community of our family, that may be spread out over several states, yet we have a unity that no one can take away from us. We belong to a certain lineage that is heralded whenever we get together. Getting together, coming together in unity creates a "community" whether it be for an hour, a day or years. Whenever you are in the community of others for single purpose or action.... isn't it great?

Even as each individual planter (in the picture) was dusty and flowers were not outstanding or abundant, together they created for me a memorable picture. And this picture reminds me as well of a memorable day plant-shopping with my sister. Come together with others in some way today! Enjoy!

Keep Out!

Keep Out! Apparently the wind, rain, blazing sunshine and animals can't read as they have invaded this house in a Texas "ghost" town! I wonder what the owner is protecting by posting this sign. Perhaps they are trying to protect the house from a few more bricks being stolen from it's walls. Tonight, I found myself browsing my pictures looking for something that would "state" my mood today! This picture seemed to do it.

It's been a very busy week at work, with a heavy workload and a lot of other work being pushed aside on my desk. In fact this morning when I walked into my office, I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack just looking at the mess of papers on my desk. Projects and "fires" to put out seemed to pile up all day. One of my staff came into my office and I didn't think that I reacted physically, but she said, "You said, you have an open door policy." Then she grinned as she discussed one more problem (i.e. "fire").

Yes, sometimes I feel like my office is in this type of building, no protection from the elements and everyone can easily see if you're in or out. They can "invade" my dwelling. And yes, sometimes I wish that I also had a "keep out" sign. Even tonight my phone rang and I stood up, as if to go and get it. Then I stopped in my tracks and paused as I thought to myself, "Should I answer it or not?" My sense of commitment to work got the best of me as I surely thought the caller must be one of my co-workers. So, I answered it. It was an old friend from New Mexico and her call was a pleasant surprise.

Yes, some days, it feels like you have no protection, no roof over your head. It feels like the walls are crumbling around you. There are critters crawling on your floors and you wonder if you can take the heat one more day? But if you lean back in your chair and look straight up, you'll feel the warmth of sunshine on your face and you'll see a cloudless day with beautiful blue skies. Awwww! It's not all bad! If you look up, other things in your life will "look up."

Look a Little Closer

Have you stopped to smell the "roses"? Do you take a close look at the common everyday things? Or do you rush by the flowers and barely catch a glimpse of color? What are the "flowers" of your life that you are rushing by or even worse, ignoring? Could it be your child or spouse that needs and deserves your up-close attention? When you really look up-close, oh what beauty and worthiness we see!

Silent Screen

"Silent screen" is the term for the old movies without any sound or voices. Music was played on an organ or piano to accompany the action of the movie. This door and screen were photographed in a ghost town in Montana. The "town" was the perfect setting for good ol' western movie. But no modern movie could every re-play all the action that actually occurred in this town.

I wonder how many times this door was opened and closed until now it stands silent? They say, "If walls could only talk." What about doors? Doors have been touched by human hands much more than walls. The door has been closed quietly when the man of house comes home from the bar up the street with a few beers under his belt and a few less dollars in his pocket because he has a poor poker face. The door has been slammed shut when the woman of the house kicks her son out the door for being a no-good-lazy-son-of-gun! The door has held up the mother as she leans against it and sobs tears of sorrow for being put in position that she had to show tough love to her loved one. The door has caressed by the young daughter as her first kiss lingers on her lips from the young cowboy that just walked her home after Wednesday night church.

Did the door scream, shout or sigh when the last occupant walked or was carried out of the house and shut the door for it's final time? Was the screen door broken before they left? What was the story? What can the front door of your house say about you?

Football Fan-atics!

It's football season again. In my family we are divided between being fans of the Vikings, right across the state border from where we lived in Northwestern Wisconsin, and being fans of the Packers, way across the state in Green Bay. I was browsing pictures yesterday and found these taken about 3 years ago at a family gathering where Dad's birthday celebration was interrupted for the Packer-Viking game.

The top two pictures were taken during the game and the fans reactions. My mom is the one in the back with all the beads on her outfit. The third picture is of my dad getting his "sympathy" phone call from one of his Viking daughters. The rub-it-in phone calls are a standard fare between these two!

The botom picture is of a Viking fan (on left) and a Packer fan (on left). Who would guess she's a die-hard Packer fan, even down to her underwear?

Are we ready for some football?

Welcome to My Ol' World

This rooster says, "Welcome to my ol' world!" This tin rooster was and maybe still is situated next to an old house in Northwestern Wisconsin. It welcomed visitors, usually family, to my parents home. I started to write house instead of home, but thought better of that. To my parents, unlike me, that house is their HOME. It's the first house they bought after many years of marriage and renting. They have lived in that home for 43 years. I only spent four years of my life living there full-time before I went to college.

I chose this picture today, because this morning I happened to pick up a book, "Come Read With Me." This book is a collection of stories and poems written by members of the Northwest (Wisconsin) Regional Writers club, of which I was a member. Many of the writers in this club are people of my parent's age and they often write of their youth and things that occurred then. One story told of an old house and the happenings there for several generations. For some reason, it brought on a sense of nostalgia and sadness, perhaps homesickness, in me. That's OK, because as the story implied, things change. Even thinking back to my own history, I have memories of fun, happiness and sadness. We all do. That's OK, that's life.

I have this photo of the rooster framed and setting on my kitchen counter for several reasons. I like the oldness of it with the rust showing. The stars remind me of the Texas stars that prevalent down here. The deep red of the rooster comb and the flowers is my second favorite color and it matches my granite counter top. :) I have to put a smiley face here, because I value color coordination. Also, the word WELCOME is not commonly used in a greeting, but for some reason, I have often used that when visitors arrive. "Welcome!" Another reason I like the photo is that it reminds me of my parents. It's not great photo, technically, but to me it's a symbol of my ol' world. Welcome!

Waves of Gratitude

This is a statue of Jesus Christ on the banks of the shipping channel at the end of South Padre Island. I was reminded of this picture tonight when I watched the newscast showing the surf at the Island as a result of Hurricane Ike. The video was taken off shore looking back at the shore with supposedly hundreds of surfers taking advantage of the huge waves breaking. The statue was shown in the background as waves pounded the jetty and splashed high in the air.

As much as I like excitement, I am sure grateful that Ike decided to take a hike up North! South Padre Island would be hard-pressed to handle another hurricane right after Dolly less than two months ago. Our home, at 75 miles inland from the Island was spared any damage from Dolly and did not even suffer power outages although other parts of our town, less than two miles away, were without power for days! Grateful, yes!

Gratitude can wash over you with a sense of peace and well-being. Almost like waves washing the shoreline of our lives. Sometimes that gratitude becomes huge waves that hit the shoreline with a huge splash and the spray flies up in the air, kissing whatever it touches. Or perhaps drenching whatever it touches.

Yes, we will see a lot of videos over the next few days, showing the huge waves crashing on the seawall of Galveston Island. Let us pray for those that are there or those that are ready to clean up afterwards, may they be safe and sound. Let us pray with thankfulness and gratitude if we are not there and we don't have to be there. Experience the waves of gratitude washing over you today!

Got ya!

I have seen very few hummingbirds in my life. I have never had a feeder that attracted them. The flowers we have now in our yard have attracted some that have been fun to watch. That is if you don't blink your eyes very fast. They are fast and don't sit still for very long, if ever. I have always wanted to get a picture of a hummingbird and while on vacation we stayed a place that had a dozen or more hummingbirds. There were three feeders hanging from the rafters of an old porch and the birds seemed oblivious to people sitting right below them! So I decided to attempt to get a picture of them. After about sixty pictures (thank goodness for a digital camera) and thirty minutes of sitting still, I was able to get one picture that I'm not embarrassed to show.

What's the old saying? "Good things come to those that wait." This picture may be an example of that saying, but more importantly for me is my marriage. I met my husband when I was 34, just about given up hope to find the man of my dreams. In fact I had decided to give up on California guys and move back to Wisconsin "to find myself a good old farm boy and settle down." Of course I had no one in mind, but I was willing to give up the city lifestyle for rural Wisconsin.

Well, God had other things in mind. In the process of closing down the business I worked at in California, I met my husband. The man of my dreams? Not really. Older, balding, conservative, Republican, and divorced. The man of my dreams? Yes really. Compassionate, loving, caring, thoughtful, intelligent and supportive. He's the one that's been encouraging to write again. He's the one that "loves" my pictures and always reminds me to bring my camera when we go out driving.

So it's appropriate that I share today this picture of the hummingbird taken from the porch of the quaint, old hotel that we stayed at on our honeymoon twenty years ago and again last month on our wedding anniversary. The place had hardly changed. I don't think I can say the same for hubby and I. I hope hummingbirds stay the same, elusive to photograph and exciting to catch a good shot!

Moth & Butterfly

Flowers and a butterfly. At least I think it's a butterfly. There are some beautiful moths out there and it can get confusing. According to my friend Webster (as in dictionary) a butterfly has a slender body with four wings. A moth has a stout body. I think the top picture has a butterfly and a moth.

Even though there is not a great amount of difference between a moth and a butterfly, they both fly and have wings and antennae. Think about the differences in our attitude towards one or the other. Historically, are we not prone to dislike moths? They eat our clothes, therefore the need for mothballs. They flutter around just like butterflies, yet they do so at night. Therefore we can't see them as well and they startle us when their wings brush against our hair. Moths are usually not as beautiful, therefore we don't often seek them out to observe or take photos of them.

We treat people the same way, don't we? People with stout bodies and are not as attractive are often overlooked, bypassed, ignored or shunned. People with slender bodies and glamorous colors or clothes are the center of attention. Many times an unattractive person will have a colorful personality. Perhaps as a way to draw attention to themselves. Many times an attractive person will have little personality. Yet they still draw attention to themselves. How do we judge people? How do we want others to judge us? Are you a moth or a butterfly? You're just as important and valuable whichever you are! Be colorful!

Cactus: Any of a large group of plants, mostly native to arid regions of the New World. They are characterized by thick, fleshy often prickly stems that function as leaves and in some species have showy flowers and edible fruit.

I love flowers. I should say I love viewing flowers, taking photos of flowers. I do not have any interest in growing flowers or doing all of that work, just looking at them. I have hundreds of pictures of flowers. As I browse through my pictures, once in awhile a picture will make me spontaneously say, "Oooo!" This was one of them. Some of you may not have the same reaction or even be the slightest interested in a picture of the cactus flower. Isn't that awesome? So many interests that we all have in life? Isn't it awesome that God created so many different plants to have showy flowers?

Today in Sunday School we were discussing the planet Earth and how we are just a small speck on this Earth and our Earth is just a small speck in the Galaxy. The Milky Way Galaxy is a small speck in the Universe.... and on and on! God made the prickly pear cactus have a showy flower. God took the time to make each of us unique and special. He gave each of us a "showy flower" for all the world to see and admire. For some people, it's their smile. For others, it's their eyes. For others, it's their hair or fingers. Just like there are thousands of varieties of flowers, there thousands of ways that God gave us to be showy flowers.

Don't we often think of ourselves in terms of the stems (of the flowers)? When I was typing the cactus description, "characterized by thick, fleshy often prickly stems," I thought, "That's me!" You can't get much more thick, fleshy AND prickly than me! True or not, God still gives me a showy flower to let the world see beyond my stem. There's a motto out in there, "God doesn't make junk." Do we feel that? Do we believe it? Or do we degrade ourselves? Do we degrade the product that God has made? We are God's most special product, made in His image. We are all the showy flowers that God puts on the "stems" of the world. Show off your "flowers."

Flags

The political party conventions have exposed our flag and it's colors, red, white and blue all over the television screen in the past weeks. An American knows those colors from the time we were little children. We waved a miniature flag at our town's parades as we sit on Daddy's shoulders or hold our Mommy's hand. We were secure with our parents and we are secure in our towns and states. The flag is a symbol of security and freedom for our citizens. The flag is often synonymous with our soldiers, even unto death when a flag is folded and given to family members in honor of the deceased one's serving our country.

This picture is not of the real flags of our country or my adopted state, Texas. They are banners at a kite festival on South Padre Island, an island that is about far south as you can get in the United States. From all corners of our nation, we can see and feel the patriotism that we have for our country. We are so blessed. Do you feel it? God bless America!

I am

It's been one year since I started this blog. It's been quite an experience. I have taken some steps forward and fallen down, too. I have written openly about most of my steps and my falls. I am not sure that I want to or need to continue writing a blog. There is no doubt that I need to write, but not sure if my writing needs to be in this public fashion.

A year ago I thought in many different ways. I acted in many different ways. I was in many ways, a different person. Today, I am...... me. There are all kinds of labels that you or I could put on me.... short, fat, wife, sister, manager, Texan, friendly, lazy, photographer, etc. However, I do not have to be constrained by those labels or feel that my worth is tied up in those labels. I have choices. I have options.

Today, I am ..... feeling very exposed, yet feeling very whole. Today, I am....trying to live and act in the present, instead of re-acting based on past experiences or future expectations. Today, I am.... at peace.

Lazy Lions

Several years back, probably several, several years back.... there was picture/poster that had a majestic looking lion surrounded by books and it's caption was Lazy Lions Lounging in the Local Library. I was reminded of that today when Hubby awoke from a couch-nap, yawned, stretched and proclaimed, "I'm lazy."

Have you ever seen a television documentary on lions? It seems that much of their time is spent sleeping, yawning, and stretching. Granted, the shows have to highlight the chases; the attacks on smaller and slower prey; romping, playing cubs; and the midnight feasts that lions have. But many of their hours are spent sleeping. No wonder I like lions.

How am I like a lion? I'm proud, boastful (or I wouldn't be writing this blog, right?), and definitely "queen of the jungle." I say "queen" because my name, Rayna, means queen or to reign. I "chase" by driving my car fast and sometimes recklessly. I "attack" one small or large project/problem at my job or another, I'm ferocious. I love to "feast," but unlike lions, not at midnight. I like to play around and have a good time as any cub likes to do, and I have "romped" around this country a few times. Last but not least, I like to sleep! Always have, always will.

I think part of my desire to sleep is because I often dream and remember my dreams. It's like watching TV all night, yet you don't know what you're watching until it happens as there are no channel choices in dreamland. As I have written in this blog before, I often dream about work. That is sometimes a "horror" show, other times it's an "eye-opener" of a psycho-drama. Then comes the fun part of trying to psycho-analyze these dreams in the morning. Ha-Ha! Some dreams, I just have to chalk-up to the pizza dinner I had the night before.

Anyway, my original thought as I set myself down to write today was to "talk" about how lazy I've been lately. That's blogging (or writing) for you.... one thought begets another begets another.... soon you have more generations (paragraphs) then you can imagine. Then there are the trains of thoughts with one car after another and when the caboose finally arrives, you're so thankful. Maybe that's my writing, people are thankful when I finally get to the end.....
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. Peace be with you and have lazy day, you deserve it!

How Green is My Valley

I live in "The Valley" as this part of the Rio Grande River area is called. No, I'm not one of those "valley girls" from California, even though I lived in California for three years. I live in the "Tip of Texas," about as far south as you can go in Texas. I have been to the mouth of the Rio Grande River where it empties into the Gulf of Mexico. Last week I was almost to the head waters of the Rio Grande. The river starts in the Colorado mountains and we saw the Rio Grande in northern New Mexico, near Taos. It's a raging river at that point, full of rapids.

It's interesting to see the changes the river makes in it's make-up as well as what it has done to the land around it. There is a deep gorge that the river runs through at the beginning of it's way down through the state of New Mexico. Just like we humans, that change our nature as we progress through our lives.

I enjoyed driving along a good portion of this river and I could often spot its placement in the desert wilderness by the green trees surrounding the river. Many times, I could not see the river but I knew it was there by the evidence... the trees. Just like we humans, when we display the evidence of our actions even though others may not see our actions.

We also saw the Rio Grande as it surrounded a national park in Texas, Big Bend. Then we drove along a large portion of the river as we made our way back home. Back home to the Rio Grande River Valley. The road trip to New Mexico and western Texas was quite an experience. Yes, I found out that you can truthfully, legally, go 80 miles an hour in western Texas. It was not a myth as I thought. I found out that there are places in Texas that you can travel 55 miles and meet only seven vehicles during that drive (in the middle of the day). And two of those vehicles were the UPS and Fed-Ex trucks... hubby said they should combine their services out there!

I found out there is a LOT of open land with out any houses or people for miles in this country. I found out that there are a LOT of different kinds of cactus in the desert. I found out there are a LOT of miles of country with the roadside fence posts being the taller than most of the living vegetation. And the fence posts look even taller due to turkey vultures setting on them waiting for road kill. After about a week in what I would call brown terrain.... desert, mountains, grasses & roads... it was awesome to me to see trees and greenery again!

I was born and raised in Wisconsin where you can rarely go a mile without seeing a lake, pond or creek, and of course all kinds of trees and evergreens. So, it's quite different for me to experience the opposite. As much as I enjoyed seeing and experiencing new things.... a scorpion in the bathtub that I didn't want to touch, stars in the night sky so bright you felt like you could touch them, seeing so many different kinds of cactus which you should not touch, tall mountains I wish I could touch the tops.... it was wonderful to come back to the green valley where I live.

The different shades of green in the valley's fields of crops, grasses in the yards, palm tree fronds, and flowering bushes are a treat for sore eyes. It's good to be home!

Update on Peace

Well, it's been about eleven months since I started the Peace Project. The project of getting peace and balance into my life. Right now, I do feel balanced in my life. Maybe, not in all the ways I projected I would be balanced by now, but it's OK! Life is pretty darn good.

Physically, I'm not at the weight or height that I planned. Emotionally, I still get stressed out about work, but that's gotten a whole lot better. Especially when I remind myself that my co-workers "will know I'm a Christian by my love." Spiritually, I've made leaps and bounds rather than crawling on my hands and knees through the rough road of life.

Writing this blog has been a demon and a god-send! It has exposed things about myself that I didn't want to share, but needed to share! It has allowed me to get my thoughts and feelings "on paper" rather than rolling around in my head for hours or days, it's served as a release. I know that I'm not the most prolific writer nor very good, but I feel glad that once in a while something that I have written has touched someones heart or soul. Maybe the reader is encouraging me on
my peace journey or they can identify with what I've written, there's a camaraderie between us.

It sure has been an interesting project. It sure has been an interesting journey. But then again, I sure have led an interesting life!! Just today, I was sharing how I met hubby with my co-workers. Some people have spent their whole lives within 10 miles of their birthplace and sure must be interesting. I know that's not for me, adventure and new sights gets me a-going! Anyway, there were a few mouths dropping when I talked about living in California & hubby in Louisiana and then we lived in Georgia, etc, etc. I can not imagine life without thinking of or planning the next adventure!

Tomorrow, starts the next adventure. No, we're not moving already!! We're going on a road trip to New Mexico. I've heard that in west Texas, a person can "legally" drive 80 miles an hour. Can't wait! :) See you when we get back in June! Yes, we plan to have fun!! Peace.

Heroes

I titled yesterday's blog "Death of a Hero." I used the word hero perhaps because one of the dictionary's descriptions of the word hero is "Any man noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose; especially one who has risked or sacrificed his life." This is an apt description for our fallen soldier.

It got me thinking more about heroes as I today I read a news magazine's stories of the "100 Most Influential People in the World." Most of these people, I would think would qualify as a hero based on another description of the word hero that is "A person prominent in some event, field, period or cause by reason of his/her special achievement or contributions." Most of us will never meet any of these heroes, however we may benefit greatly from their achievements and contributions. There are so many unsung heroes in each of our lives, that may never grace the cover of our local newspaper, much less the cover of a national news magazine. Yet their achievements and contributions to our lives are enormous.

My number one hero is my mother. How could I say anything less? If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here! :) Just kidding. My mother doesn't read this blog as she doesn't have a touch-tone phone (still has the dial-up version), much less a computer. It's too bad that she is missing out of reading my sister and brother's blog sites and their creative writing. She would be proud of them, because my mom is a writer.

When I was a child she would stories, poems, and letters. Today, she still writes letters and she is proud (rightly so) of her beautiful handwriting, that wonderful old cursive style that has fallen by the wayside. While they were visiting us for four weeks this winter, I think my Mom wrote 30+/- letters to friends and relatives up North. These were not just 3-5 sentences letters either, she would describe what the weather was like (hot compared to Northern Wisconsin) and what they had done and seen. She shared their joy of being on "vacation" with their family and friends who were not able to be on "vacation." My mother truly understands the joy of writing... sharing. Sharing what you've done, seen, felt, heard, tasted, and thought. Experiences!

You can count on my mom to inform people of events and activities. It is not uncommon to get a postcard or letter from her describing an up-coming family reunion or cousin's birthday party or graduation. My mother is a strong believer in keeping families intact. Getting together for a fun time is a main priority for her (and Dad too). They have hosted many a Halloween parties, sliding parties (when you slide down a snow-covered hill on a sled, toboggan or inner tube), and big-time graduation parties for each of us. Enthusiasm!

If you have read my blog, you will know that I was on a spiritual retreat about 4 weeks ago. One of the final aspects of the weekend was being handed a package of letters & cards from family, friends and co-workers. It was an awesome experience and so uplifting. Uplifting because other people took the time to write their thoughts and feelings. I opened one card from a high school good friend with whom I had seldom spoken in 39 years, much less seen. She wrote, "I bet you never thought you would hear from me. Your mom was in the drug store & was telling me about what you were doing, so I thought I'd write you a note." You could have blown me over with feather! That's my mom for you, not afraid to speak up and gather support for others. She not only told my former classmate, but she wrote or spoke to siblings, cousins and old neighbors and told them of my journey. All of these letters were precious!

However, the most priceless letter was from my mom. It was not a long letter as she sometimes writes, but short. I can imagine her sitting at the dining room table, laboring over the choice of words to use. Maybe, she wrote quickly, yet from experience, I doubt it. Here is her opening....

Dear Rayna,
I loved you before your were born
I loved you while I gave birth to you
I have loved you for the past 56 2/3 yrs.

So there's no doubt about it!
You are loved!

It was certainly enough to make a grown woman cry, again! I felt like God was speaking through her to me. It was a comforting feeling, and a feeling that I'm thankful for.

Today, my mom, at age 76, is walking in a Relay for Life. As of Thursday night, she had raised $400 to contribute to that worthy cause of fighting cancer(my mom lost her father and sister to cancer). Again, my mom has enthusiasm in garnering support for causes. She told me that she was in the drugstore (different one than where my classmate works) and she "just happened to tell the druggist" that she was walking for cancer. He handed her $40 for her contribution, she was "overwhelmed." No, it's my mother that is overwhelmingly good! She's my #1 Hero!

I hope she has a wonderful Mother's Day, she is priceless!

Death of a Hero

For those of us in the valley, we have heard of another soldier to die in Iraq, Alex Gonzalez. I heard about his death on the Wednesday morning news. He was the 24th soldier from the Valley killed in Iraq War since 2003. As I often do, my mind slipped on to thinking about other things as I drove to work.

Upon arriving in our department, I was greeted by one of my staff asking me if I heard about the death? Yes, I answered and then she told me that Alex's younger sister was her daughter's best friend. Walking home from school on Tuesday afternoon, his sister saw the military vehicle parked in front of their home and she fell to her knees in grief. She knew.

This staff then went on to tell me that Alex's aunt (by marriage) was another staff in our department. Apparently the aunt was so overcome with grief that she was barely able to speak to call in as she was in no condition to work that night. Oh my God, I thought. Why? Why?

I have personally asked the Why? question a number of times in the past couple of years. But my Why? question was not about why did someone I know die. It was a different version. Why did God allow my nephew (my sister's son), Matt's Marine unit members to be injured or die and spared him? Don't get me wrong, I was overwhelmingly grateful that Matt was spared. It was a question that nagged me and led to another deeper question. I don't think that we, Matt's family, prayed any more than the families of his unit members. So why was Matt spared and his buddies were not? Those questions really led me to doubt the value of prayer. If prayer did not save his buddies, why pray? I then allowed my doubts to fester into a doubting of God, which led to a major spiritual drought.

This drought lasted until my weekend spiritual renewal retreat when I knew that I could not take another step until I talked to someone about this doubting. I found myself suddenly talking to two clergy at the retreat. They both simultaneously said that it's not a matter of God not answering prayers. It's a matter of it's an evil world out there and God does not always save us from the hurt and evil of the world. He allows free will and with that opportunity that he gives us to make choices, we are sometimes subject to the evil choices other people may make. I cried tears of relief as it suddenly made so much sense.

I was reminded of this today as I spoke with Alex's aunt as she was leaving work after a night on the job. She said that Alex's mom is vacillating between crying, "Why? Why?" and saying, "He's in a better place." I don't think there is any way to understand the grief she must feel and questions she wants answers to. However, there is a part of this mother's deep spirituality that allows her to know and be comforted by the fact that her son is in a better place, with God.

Later today, God put another person connected with Alex into my life. She was a lady who I was interviewing for one of our open positions. I'm not even sure how our initial conversation got started in the interview, but she said she had a rough week as her daughter's boyfriend was killed in Iraq this week. I asked her if she meant Alex Gonzalez and she said, Yes. I asked her if she wanted to re-schedule as I'm sure her mind was not thinking about a job interview right now. I know that my mind was kind of going "freaky" as I could not believe another connection to this young man was coming into my small circle of co-workers and friends. However, she wanted to continue with the interview.

Maybe I write about all of this to help myself realize that we just don't know when our lives are going to be affected by death, near or far. Maybe I write this to affirm the love of God is there for us, a strong arm to lean on in times of questioning and grief. I don't want to ever get to the spot in the road of life that I allow myself to push God away in questioning and grief. That I don't allow myself to under-estimate how many lives are touched by one person. That I don't allow myself to forget that there is a "better place," even in death. Peace

LOVE

LOVE - the "other" four-letter word. The best four-letter word. The BEST word! Love encompasses so much, doesn't it? In the my old-faithful dictionary, love is a noun, but I prefer to think of it as a "verb." A verb expresses action. Love is not always a state of being, it's a state of doing, acting, moving. There's an old church/camp song that has been running through my mind a lot lately, "They will know we are Christians by our love."

As irritating as "ear worms" are, this song has been a constant reminder of my renewal. I am reminded that everywhere and every time, I have the opportunity to show God's love through my actions and words. It's an awesome responsibility. It's an awesome reward.

I can not begin to describe how much better I feel emotionally since I allowed and made the choice to release my anger and control of my world and let God walk with me on my life's journey. I had a very-hardened heart, a heart of stone. There was no way that love could "beat" in a heart of stone. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the boulders/rocks in my life that I need to sacrifice. Some of them are still there, but I'm much more willing to leave them on my journey's path and move forward... in love.

Evaluation

Today I went into work for a few hours to give several staff their annual evaluations. I was hesitant and therefore procrastinated this task until the end of the month as last year's evaluations went rather poorly. Staff were resentful because they did not get their expected raises in salary. Our company policy is to do all evaluations at one time and then annual raises occur on your anniversary data. The process is a pain when you have almost 20 staff, but it is easier to compare them to each other and what is expected of them.

Three of the four evaluations I planned to do today were with very strong-influential and strong-willed employees. Mirror images of me, huh? This morning I did something differently, I prayed for each one of them. I prayed for me too that I would be able to explain how I evaluated them and how much I value them. The interaction was great! One of the staff that really gave me a difficult time last year over her evaluation and has provided some stressful moments during this year, simply said, "I agree with your evaluation. Thank you."

I am thankful for answers to prayer, that I could give them worthwhile feedback as well as ideas for improvement. The experience that I expected to dread turned out to be a worthwhile interaction. Miracles never cease!