A little dash of this and a little dash of that! Usually we use this phrase in referring to salt and the other ingredients in the recipes of life. However have you ever thought about the dash that will be on your tombstone? You know the one between the year you were born and the year you die?
There is an excellent poem written by Linda Ellis call the The Dash Poem. It describes the dash --
"For that dash represents all the time
That she (you) spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth."
I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my dash, what my life represents. Recently I had two younger lady friends, one from work and one from church, lose their husbands to death within the same week. I attended the "wake" of one and the memorial service of the other. It's interesting to hear what people say about the deceased. What would they say about me?
There is an old saying, "Death comes in threes." With the these two men dying, I wondered aloud what the third death would be? Paul's car died (dead battery) that week and I jokingly thought "that must be the third death." Regretfully, another person I know died that week and I just read her obituary today. She was a lady younger than me that died of cancer. She and her young daughter were a couple of the constant participants in the weekly fund-raising meat raffle that hubby and I worked at in Wisconsin for over two years. In her obituary, it referred to her pranks and antics at Tom's Bar. Yes, I remember well.... when we would announce the winning number, Sissy would shout, "I won, I won!" It didn't take long to realize that she was joking. But her attitude on life was that she truly did win!
I have been feeling out-of-sorts lately, even before these deaths, wondering what my purpose is? Wondering what my "dash" will mean? Wondering about a lot of things. I feel like I should be doing more than working 40 + hours a week, coming home to read and watch TV. But I don't seem to have the energy to do much more. I know they say if do something, it spends energy, but it also creates more energy. Right now, I am quite stagnant.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, May 9, 2008
Death of a Hero
For those of us in the valley, we have heard of another soldier to die in Iraq, Alex Gonzalez. I heard about his death on the Wednesday morning news. He was the 24th soldier from the Valley killed in Iraq War since 2003. As I often do, my mind slipped on to thinking about other things as I drove to work.
Upon arriving in our department, I was greeted by one of my staff asking me if I heard about the death? Yes, I answered and then she told me that Alex's younger sister was her daughter's best friend. Walking home from school on Tuesday afternoon, his sister saw the military vehicle parked in front of their home and she fell to her knees in grief. She knew.
This staff then went on to tell me that Alex's aunt (by marriage) was another staff in our department. Apparently the aunt was so overcome with grief that she was barely able to speak to call in as she was in no condition to work that night. Oh my God, I thought. Why? Why?
I have personally asked the Why? question a number of times in the past couple of years. But my Why? question was not about why did someone I know die. It was a different version. Why did God allow my nephew (my sister's son), Matt's Marine unit members to be injured or die and spared him? Don't get me wrong, I was overwhelmingly grateful that Matt was spared. It was a question that nagged me and led to another deeper question. I don't think that we, Matt's family, prayed any more than the families of his unit members. So why was Matt spared and his buddies were not? Those questions really led me to doubt the value of prayer. If prayer did not save his buddies, why pray? I then allowed my doubts to fester into a doubting of God, which led to a major spiritual drought.
This drought lasted until my weekend spiritual renewal retreat when I knew that I could not take another step until I talked to someone about this doubting. I found myself suddenly talking to two clergy at the retreat. They both simultaneously said that it's not a matter of God not answering prayers. It's a matter of it's an evil world out there and God does not always save us from the hurt and evil of the world. He allows free will and with that opportunity that he gives us to make choices, we are sometimes subject to the evil choices other people may make. I cried tears of relief as it suddenly made so much sense.
I was reminded of this today as I spoke with Alex's aunt as she was leaving work after a night on the job. She said that Alex's mom is vacillating between crying, "Why? Why?" and saying, "He's in a better place." I don't think there is any way to understand the grief she must feel and questions she wants answers to. However, there is a part of this mother's deep spirituality that allows her to know and be comforted by the fact that her son is in a better place, with God.
Later today, God put another person connected with Alex into my life. She was a lady who I was interviewing for one of our open positions. I'm not even sure how our initial conversation got started in the interview, but she said she had a rough week as her daughter's boyfriend was killed in Iraq this week. I asked her if she meant Alex Gonzalez and she said, Yes. I asked her if she wanted to re-schedule as I'm sure her mind was not thinking about a job interview right now. I know that my mind was kind of going "freaky" as I could not believe another connection to this young man was coming into my small circle of co-workers and friends. However, she wanted to continue with the interview.
Maybe I write about all of this to help myself realize that we just don't know when our lives are going to be affected by death, near or far. Maybe I write this to affirm the love of God is there for us, a strong arm to lean on in times of questioning and grief. I don't want to ever get to the spot in the road of life that I allow myself to push God away in questioning and grief. That I don't allow myself to under-estimate how many lives are touched by one person. That I don't allow myself to forget that there is a "better place," even in death. Peace
Upon arriving in our department, I was greeted by one of my staff asking me if I heard about the death? Yes, I answered and then she told me that Alex's younger sister was her daughter's best friend. Walking home from school on Tuesday afternoon, his sister saw the military vehicle parked in front of their home and she fell to her knees in grief. She knew.
This staff then went on to tell me that Alex's aunt (by marriage) was another staff in our department. Apparently the aunt was so overcome with grief that she was barely able to speak to call in as she was in no condition to work that night. Oh my God, I thought. Why? Why?
I have personally asked the Why? question a number of times in the past couple of years. But my Why? question was not about why did someone I know die. It was a different version. Why did God allow my nephew (my sister's son), Matt's Marine unit members to be injured or die and spared him? Don't get me wrong, I was overwhelmingly grateful that Matt was spared. It was a question that nagged me and led to another deeper question. I don't think that we, Matt's family, prayed any more than the families of his unit members. So why was Matt spared and his buddies were not? Those questions really led me to doubt the value of prayer. If prayer did not save his buddies, why pray? I then allowed my doubts to fester into a doubting of God, which led to a major spiritual drought.
This drought lasted until my weekend spiritual renewal retreat when I knew that I could not take another step until I talked to someone about this doubting. I found myself suddenly talking to two clergy at the retreat. They both simultaneously said that it's not a matter of God not answering prayers. It's a matter of it's an evil world out there and God does not always save us from the hurt and evil of the world. He allows free will and with that opportunity that he gives us to make choices, we are sometimes subject to the evil choices other people may make. I cried tears of relief as it suddenly made so much sense.
I was reminded of this today as I spoke with Alex's aunt as she was leaving work after a night on the job. She said that Alex's mom is vacillating between crying, "Why? Why?" and saying, "He's in a better place." I don't think there is any way to understand the grief she must feel and questions she wants answers to. However, there is a part of this mother's deep spirituality that allows her to know and be comforted by the fact that her son is in a better place, with God.
Later today, God put another person connected with Alex into my life. She was a lady who I was interviewing for one of our open positions. I'm not even sure how our initial conversation got started in the interview, but she said she had a rough week as her daughter's boyfriend was killed in Iraq this week. I asked her if she meant Alex Gonzalez and she said, Yes. I asked her if she wanted to re-schedule as I'm sure her mind was not thinking about a job interview right now. I know that my mind was kind of going "freaky" as I could not believe another connection to this young man was coming into my small circle of co-workers and friends. However, she wanted to continue with the interview.
Maybe I write about all of this to help myself realize that we just don't know when our lives are going to be affected by death, near or far. Maybe I write this to affirm the love of God is there for us, a strong arm to lean on in times of questioning and grief. I don't want to ever get to the spot in the road of life that I allow myself to push God away in questioning and grief. That I don't allow myself to under-estimate how many lives are touched by one person. That I don't allow myself to forget that there is a "better place," even in death. Peace
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Paths
This morning I awoke from a dream.... one of those thought-provoking ones that keep you awake wondering what would have happened next if I had stayed asleep dreaming.
In my dream I was traveling down a narrow, flat road, actually it was more like a gravel path. In the distance I could see a wall that went across the road and extended as far as the eye could see. I knew the wall meant the end of my journey, death. I was not afraid, it was reality. However I realized that I had a choice on what I did in my life between right now and when I got to the wall. I knew that timing was not an issue, I would get to the wall when I got there. I was filled with the sense that I could just slowly cruise down the path, straight and narrow, enjoying the scenery. Enjoying what I've accomplished so far in life. My other choice was to dart here and there on side paths and see what adventures lay under the bushes in the field around the road. One choice left me feeling relaxed and the other choice left me feeling excited.
I awoke with the question, which way am I going to travel to that wall? Both choices were appealing. I lay in bed imagining both choices and I imagined feeling relaxed and bored in re-living accomplishments. I could also imagine feeling excited and exhausted in seeking new adventures. I came up with the "answer" to how I could travel to the wall, the end of my life. I could take short side trips, finding new things to do, see and live. Then I could come back to the road and relax and travel the straight-and-narrow for awhile. Then go back to the new things and back to relaxing. I thought of it as a combination of the tortoise and hare philosophy. I like that journey, I think it may fit me!
In my dream I was traveling down a narrow, flat road, actually it was more like a gravel path. In the distance I could see a wall that went across the road and extended as far as the eye could see. I knew the wall meant the end of my journey, death. I was not afraid, it was reality. However I realized that I had a choice on what I did in my life between right now and when I got to the wall. I knew that timing was not an issue, I would get to the wall when I got there. I was filled with the sense that I could just slowly cruise down the path, straight and narrow, enjoying the scenery. Enjoying what I've accomplished so far in life. My other choice was to dart here and there on side paths and see what adventures lay under the bushes in the field around the road. One choice left me feeling relaxed and the other choice left me feeling excited.
I awoke with the question, which way am I going to travel to that wall? Both choices were appealing. I lay in bed imagining both choices and I imagined feeling relaxed and bored in re-living accomplishments. I could also imagine feeling excited and exhausted in seeking new adventures. I came up with the "answer" to how I could travel to the wall, the end of my life. I could take short side trips, finding new things to do, see and live. Then I could come back to the road and relax and travel the straight-and-narrow for awhile. Then go back to the new things and back to relaxing. I thought of it as a combination of the tortoise and hare philosophy. I like that journey, I think it may fit me!
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