Friends

Our friends from Wisconsin / Florida decided to make a major detour on their trip home and come and visit us for the past 4 days.  We kept busy with them showing them the area; eating; talking; and playing dominoes.   They were pleasantly surprised by the remoteness and yet, how metropolitan is the Valley.  I will see them this summer when I'm in Wisconsin.

A friend that lives in our community and is my husband's golfing buddy, was severely injured in a motorcycle accident this past weekend.  Injuries to his leg have resulted in three surgeries so far and they originally questioned if they would be able to save his leg.  His healing recovery will take many weeks, but he will be able to walk again.  My husband will golf again with him.

Today, I brought a couple of photo enlargements to another couple that live in our community.  We share a "love" of the arts and we have many commonalities.  We ended up going out for a spontaneous, pleasant lunch with them as they are leaving Saturday to go to their summer home in New Hampshire.  We will visit them this summer.

Upon reflecting on these friends, I wonder what life would be like if we had not met them.  They are all "precious" to us.  Yet, they are friends that have just entered my life in the past ten years. 

It is a precious moment to me to realize the fortunes I have in the friends that I have met throughout my life.  There is a phrase, "make friends," that is apt description of what occurs within our lives.  We all meet lots of potential "friends" many times in our lives.  But not all of these people do we "make friends" with them, for the little while or the long while. 

To "make" something or a relationship involves ....creating, constructing, developing....just a few descriptions.  Friendship is a two-way street.  We don't just become friends by being passive and non-committal.  We become friends by becoming involved in their lives by caring and sharing.  Just as we do  with our family, sometimes even more than with our family.  It's the closest bond that people share, other than blood. 

Photos & Pain

I wonder how my sister does it.....blogging every day!  Here it is 7:45 pm and I have made a commitment to blog every day.  What do I write about?  I usually have a couple of thoughts in mind and then let my mind wander on this page and record its (my mind) wanderings or ramblings!

Today I brought a few of my canvas photos to the gift shop of The Upper Valley Art League.  They are prints I had made when I first got into canvas prints and have not sold them.  I am hopeful the right person who loves them will show up at UVAL.  

The rest of the day was spent doing house cleaning.  After yesterday's scrubbing chore, my back and legs are very sore, painful in fact.  A person doesn't realize what muscles they use in different ways until you feel the pain the next day!  It feels good to do house cleaning....OK I'm lying....it feels good to have some house cleaning done!  Even with the modern conveniences of electric sweeper and electric mop and steam cleaner, it's still work!  Housework!  Ugh!  I am also beginning to realize that I have too much stuff and too many square feet of home to clean.  Time to downsize?!?  I love my home, but it is awfully big for two people.

First of all, I have summer trips to plan and experience, then we will think about the house and house cleaning again.  Ninety days without house cleaning sounds like a plan to me!  Pain free and taking lots of photos!

Laptop

Blogging using my new laptop computer!  It works!  I am so technically challenged at times, that it's always a "Woo Hoo!" moment when I can get something to work!

I am planning to use this a lot this summer as I travel around the country.  So excited!  Stay tuned for more details!

Heaven

Today, we saw the movie, "Heaven is for Real."  It's based on a true story about a young boy that experiences heaven while being alive.  I read the book when it first came out (2010) and found it very good.  So glad to see a good movie about this.

This movie reminded me of a dream I had in 2009, that I wrote about in this blog and I'm glad I found it!  It's inspirational to me even today.


There are no roads of gold or pearly gates in heaven - I've been there.

The "road" is a railroad track that the train comes through the last dark tunnel and drops off the souls with lightening speed. I stand there stunned. There are no pearly gates, it's a train depot platform and I'm surprised. The buildings around are small and colorful - every color of the rainbow- vibrant and vivid. I wonder - am I in a Mexican village? But the languages I hear people speaking are all types. What's amazing is I can understand them, all of them. I do not have long to be wondering where I am or who I'll know or worry if I'll be fearful? People come up to me and greet me by name and say, "Welcome" "We've been expecting you." "What took you so long?" The hugs, kisses, and hand shakes fill me with warmth beyond all understanding. The people guide me to the edge of the platform and I see flowers everywhere. I look for a path between the flowers to step down to avoid stepping on the flowers, but the realization hits me - I need no path to take me anywhere - I have arrived! Stepping on the flowers is like stepping on Mom and Dad's bed mattress years ago as a child - soft, springy and a little uneven at first. But then the walking becomes natural. I look back and see the flowers spring back to their full beauty, my footprint disappears. On earth I worried about what kind of "footprint" I would leave and I now I realize it doesn't matter. I can feel love and acceptance everywhere - all around me. Yet I soon realize it's not about "me." Here in heaven, there is no better, worse, bigger, smaller, richer, or poorer - all are equal. It's so freeing. I wonder why I struggled on earth when this glory was my ultimate destination?

Mom

I miss my Mom! 

Truthfully, I did not think that I would ever be able to say that!  I am being very vulnerable and transparent here and it scares me.   But I know that I must put my thoughts on paper (to the world) to really move on in my life! 

My relationship with my mother has been up and down, to say the least!  As the oldest child (of eight) I was expected to be the perfect role model for the family so that the sins of our father (alcoholism) would be redeemed.  Hmmm!  That word redeem (redemption) again.  I was also my mother's confidant when it came to their marital problems.  Sometimes, my mother had no boundaries in that area and it made me very squeamish and to be truthful, angry! 

My parents did not fight much, unless you call one person, Mom, yelling at Dad about his drinking and his inability to provide and care for his family fighting.  Dad would usually be silent.  To me a fight is two or more people engaged in the fight.  With my Dad's silence, he guaranteed that I would think that my Mom was the "bad guy."  And so it was!

My dad quit drinking when I was college, but the "fighting" continued.  I was surprised, what could there be to fight about?  Regretfully, in some respects, my dad's behaviors did not change.  I should say, my dad's behavior to my mother did not change.  I think, I should say, I know, that my mother did not feel any remorse from my father.  No, "I'm sorry."  She hated that in him until the day he died.

As an adult I have moved away from my "hometown" and lived in several different states.  As a dutiful daughter, I invited my parents to visit us in the winter. Sooner or later, Mom would start "fighting" with Dad and made sure that I heard it!  She expected me to intervene and solve their problems..."make him love me!"  I remember many a long hours talking with both of them....it did not help that I am a wanna-be counselor...so I got right in the middle of it all!  It did not help!  The next year, this scenario would be repeated.  And you know what's sad too....I kept inviting them to visit!  Sometimes for more than four weeks!  Uffda!  I am a glutton for punishment! 

Last May, my dad died.  In June and September, I visited my mom and she would start talking about how Dad "never loved me."  I finally got some "balls" and told her that if she came down to visit, I would NOT tolerate anymore talk like that.  When it came time for my dad's birthday in October, all my siblings went to Mom's house to be with her.  Some of them had not been to her house since Dad's funeral and/or rarely called her to see how she was.  This only reiterated with my mother that Dad was special one in the family.  She later lamented to me that "the wrong parent died."  How sad is that?

So, again, I invited her to come down for a winter visit. I reminded her of the guidelines...no bashing of Dad.  This visit was different.  She did break down once and talked about Dad not loving her and how the wrong parent died.  I let her vent and then kindly, as kindly as I can be, told her that it's over and let's not talk like that anymore, and we didn't.  We had a lot of fun times doing things, playing cards and games, going places.  She met a lot of my neighbors and they loved her!  My mom was feeling love from strangers and she gave them back her love and sweetness.  I came to realize that my mother is not the ogre that I have made her out to be!  I take full responsibility for my feelings and actions. 

My heart is changing.  My heart is allowing me to love the woman that has loved me for sixty plus years.  I miss my Mom! 

Resurrection > Redemption > Repentance > Renewal

Easter Sunday, the day Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Here is a prayer from our church service today - "God of life, by the resurrection of your Son you make everything new.  Newness scares us, and we confess to shutting our doors in fear.  We have not listened to voices that challenge us.  We have resisted the Holy Spirit moving us in new directions.  Our hearts are slow to believe your promises.  Forgive us, O God, and renew us to embrace without fear the new life you have given us in Jesus Christ.  Amen"

Jesus' resurrection was the redemption of our sins, which leads us to repentance.  Three big "R" words!  As I ponder on the theme of forgiveness (redemption) of my sins, I reach a crossroads in my faith journey.  Repentance is an action word.... changing!  I have to do nothing but accept Jesus' redemption of my sins, not much action there.  But to repent, I must change and as I said yesterday, I must offer or give forgiveness to others and even myself.  I must change my ways.  That can be tough and that is evident in our church's prayer..."we resisted the Holy Spirit moving us in new directions."

Thankfully, I am not the only person who struggles.  "...renew us to embrace without fear the new life you have given us in Jesus Christ."   Renew, another big "R" word!  New Life!  New life only occurs if we are willing to repent or turn away from our old "sins" and ways of traveling through this life's journey.

Can I hold on to God's promises, believing in those promises?  Change is challenging and can be fearful.  Can I do it?  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Forgiveness

Yesterday was Good Friday, a day we Christians remember the death of Jesus Christ on the cross.  His death and resurrection was a gift of forgiveness of our sins.  Jesus paid the ultimate price for us.

Forgiveness is not easy. 

As I pondered the Good Friday message, I realized that I need to give forgiveness to others.  It really hit me that there are four aspects to forgiveness.  First of all, I recognize and acknowledge that I need forgiveness for my "sins," including my omissions of trust, respect and love.  But the path to the point of giving forgiveness also means that secondly, I have to want forgiveness.  I think most people recognize that they need forgiveness.  Many people, including myself, acknowledge that need but are often unlikely to admit that we want forgiveness.  We may beat ourselves up because we are such sinful people to "need forgiveness."  That we turn away from the gift of forgiveness...."I don't want forgiveness!"  Let me sit in my pity pot and continue to exclaim what a sinful person I am.  Therefore, you can not love me!

Wanting is a desire.  If I desire forgiveness and then accept it, then I know that I will change.  Do I really want to change?  If I do need and want forgiveness, then the next step is accepting forgiveness.  Again, if I accept this gift, I will need to step out of my pity pot and change my actions.  Hmmm?

No matter what anyone says, if you accept a "gift" from anyone, you are connected with that person/being.  Independent Rayna being connected to anyone, what's my world coming to?  If I am able to follow through on this forgiveness journey, then I know that I will next be able to offer forgiveness to others.  Again, that will mean connecting with others. 

Road Less Traveleed

Robert Frost's poem ends with ...

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

My hubby has been following the Texas wildflower reports and suggested that we travel back up north (about 4 hours) to see if we could capture some more photos.  Our trip last week to the northwest of San Antonio got us lots of bluebonnet photos, but few other types of wildflowers. 

So yesterday we took off going down some of the routes that the "reports" had suggested.  On one particular road, hubby suddenly turned left on a dirt road.  I asked, "Why?"  He replied, "Let's just see what's down this road."  Less than half mile the road ended so I said, "Turn right as this will probably take us back to the road we were on before."

A short time later we saw lots of cars parked along the road and when we cleared the woods, we came upon a small white church.    We parked on the other end of the church among the wildflowers.

 

 The parked cars had carried folks to the church for an outdoor picnic.  There were wildflowers everywhere!

Here are some more scenes from around the church including a twig cross in the back of the property.

 

I love this photo of the tree and the flowers

 

 

Yes, finding this old church and its flower filled yard was such a blessing - made all the difference in my weekend.