Scars & Compassion

My sister wrote a post on Facebook today about her hands and she posted a photo of her hands.  She mentioned a scar that she has and how she got it from a calf bite.  I looked at my own hand and I have a crescent shaped scar on the knuckle just below my pointer finger.  I was washing a glass in 1980 when I lived in Colorado and it broke.  Created quite a nasty cut on my hand and I remember wearing a huge bandage for a couple of weeks to protect the wound and protect my customers (I was a waitress) from seeing the wound. 

It got me thinking about scars on our bodies.  Isn't it ironic that I can remember the incident that lead to the scar on my hand?  I have scars on each knee from some nasty scrapes and I can tell you where and how those happened too.  All these incidences were a minuscule amount of time in my lifeline, yet I can remember them exactly, even the one that occurred almost 60 years ago.  

I wonder why do we remember these scars?  Scarring is a natural part of the healing process.  Scars, of course are a physical, visible reminder to us of the wounds we have endured.  Physically, we have healed and moved on with our lives.  

Something that is more difficult to see are the emotional or mental scars.  So often these types of wounds are not a one-time incidence, but possibly years of being cut, torn apart, or abused. These wounds may take years to recover from and heal.  They leave scars on our souls and our spirit.  Just like our visible, physical scars, we may not think about them until sometime, these scars can feel like they have been ripped open again as we react to something that is said or done to us.  Then we must start the process of healing again.  

Of course the healing process is different for each of us.  Some wounds require the professional help of a doctor, therapist and/or medication.  All wounds require the help of the Master Healer, God.  Time heals all wounds.  For some people with wounds, their end of time (death) will be the healer.  For others, it may take weeks or years.  

We never know what type of wounds and scars the people we meet have endured.  Their actions and behaviors may show us, and maybe not.  Compassion for all is important. Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts and pains of another.  



In typical "Rambling Rayna" fashion, I have gone from writing about scars to writing about compassion.  Our physical and emotional wounds all require compassion.  Whether it's a mother picking the gravel out of your knee or you cry tears of pain as you bandage your own cut.  Compassion heals!

Luckier than Most

Every day that I'm alive and well and can see and hear with devices, I feel blessed.  Some days, like today, I feel lucky!  I think "lucky" involves some unexpected blessings.  

We are headed back home to Hudson.  In Escanaba, Michigan Paul was driving 55 MPH on a divided four lane road when a vehicle went the wrong way on the road and was coming straight at us.  Ohhh yes!  All I could say was "OH, OH, OH!"   I was pushing myself back into the seat preparing for impact.  Paul swerved to the right and then I mentally prepared myself to be rear-ended.  Luckily, yes LUCKY for us, there was no one in the right lane.  The vehicle did not stop and missed us and drove across the two lanes in front of other vehicles to pull into a shopping center.  I think that we were lucky that Paul was driving, as I am not sure how well I would have reacted.  I told Paul, "I didn't even have time to pray!"  

Now, that is MOST lucky we were today, the following are more calmer versions of lucky.  As we drove into Wisconsin, we saw a county sign for Long Slide Falls and both said, "Let's see what's there."  We could hear the falls the minute we got out of our cars in the parking lot.  A short walk and we were overlooking a 50 foot drop of river, rushing over the rocks.  I don't know if I have seen that much water going over a falls.  I took some photos and then I went down the "rugged terrain" on a slippery, rocky path that was about 12 inches wide at the most.  I got to the bottom and realized that I couldn't even see the top of the fall, just the bottom two-thirds.  It was a awesome moment to take photos and video (on my phone).  Luckily, I made it down and up again.  

We found another sign for 12 Foot Falls and went back five miles in the State Forest and got some photos from across the river.  Not as impressive, but still a beauty to see on such a sunny day.

Checked into hotel and looked on TripAdvisor for our dinner spot.  A lot of places are only open for breakfast and lunch, so I chose a place in the middle of the pack (as far as traveler ratings) located on a lake.  When we arrived, the parking lot was full and I was surprised there were so many customers on a Monday night.   Lo and behold, the local Crandon Water Sports were having a water-skiing show!  What fun to watch skiers of all ages doing tricks, acrobatic stunts, and pyramid skiing on the water.  How lucky could we get?

Today, we were very lucky!  

Comfort Food

Comfort food is food that provides a nostalgic or sentimental value to someone,^[1] and may be characterized by its high caloric nature, high carbohydrate level, or simple preparation.^[2] The nostalgia may be specific to an individual, or it may apply to a specific culture.^[3]  



My comfort food is pizza!  It fits all the criteria of Wikipedia's description, doesn't it?

I had a lot of comfort food in the past four weeks and only once was it pizza.  How so?  

Well, I have decided to redefine my "comfort food" as meals shared with dear friends and family.  There has been a bunch of meals.....14 to be exact that we have shared with others. That's an average of 1 every other day!  

We had meals with Texas friends, Arizona friends, former co-workers, fellow apartment residents, cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters and my Mom.  These people all hold such a special place in my heart and in our lives.  Sharing a meal with these people has brought so much joy and comfort to my soul.  It's been a wonderful month!  

Guilt

I just read a story in the magazine about a woman about my age who had to change how she felt and acted towards her mother.  It made me feel guilty about my own mother.  

My mother is 85 years old now, not a spring chicken by any means.  Yet, I think of her as independent, strong-willed and in some cases stubborn.  A lot like me, I guess.  My relationship with my mother has been strained at times and I tend to be bossy with her....whether it's because I am the oldest or just because I'm bossy at times.  You may be thinking that we don't get along at all, but for many winters she (and dad) came to stay with us when we lived in Georgia and Texas.  I opened my home to her, but I think I didn't always open my heart to her.  

This weekend, my nephew got married and Mom was there (driving herself) in a beautiful dress and her hair all done-up pretty.  It was quite windy and so her dress was blowing around and I noticed her knee high nylons were showing.  I told her that she may want to pull them up higher and I thought to myself why didn't one of us think to make sure she had full-length panty-hose for this occasion.   I almost told her to take her knee-highs off, but then I noticed her toe nails looked ragged and rough.  Dang! Why didn't I treat her to a pedicure for this event?  Because I am selfish and did not think about her, figuring she can take care of herself.  You know what, she is quite independent, but she could use some pampering now and then.    

After the wedding ceremony, we drove to the hotel to check in (as we couldn't do early check-in) and Mom still had a large box as a present that was half-wrapped.  Of course, I got a little frustrated as she could have wrapped that at home, but I'm sure she ran of time.  The box was awkward to wrap, but I did it for her as she told me the box was full of 12 presents for her grandson and new wife to open one on each monthly anniversary.  Dang! She is still so thoughtful, I remember we got a box full of goodies on our wedding almost 29 years ago.   

Mom decided to change clothes and be more comfortable for the reception and dance.  I knew my sister was patiently waiting out in the car to take us back to the reception.  Mom, of course, surveyed her pants and thought she saw a spot on them.  Just like when we were kids, we all were dressed very neatly when we left the house.  When we were home, we wore mismatched and sometimes spotty clothes, but not when we went out in public.  Appearances are everything.  Sometimes, I forget how she doesn't move as fast as she used to and changing clothes took longer than any of us wanted.  When I was a toddler, I'm sure I took my good ol' time getting dressed independently and she was probably silently cursing under her breath about how long it was taking me to get dressed back then.  

My mother suffers from Osteoporosis and her head is bend down extremely.  In the past years, she has suffered pain in her back and neck from trying to hold her head up.  It's quite sad to see her walking all hunched over, almost like a question mark.  I was watching her crossing the grounds and thinking of how sad she looked.  But what was even sadder was that she was walking alone.  None of her kids or grandkids were walking beside her.  Again, even though I recognized the travesty of it all, I did not get up and join her.  I was selfish and wanted to visit with cousins. 

Mom has lost all three of her sisters and her husband, now all she has is her children and grandchildren.  Has my mother been the best mother?  No.  But she is still my mother and she raised me the best that she could.  

To get back to the story I was reading and made me into this blubbering mess at midnight.... about how the author discovered that her mother just wanted to feel listened to.... therefore, she got bamboozled by a complete stranger.   I can see this easily happening to my mother.   I am retired and I can visit her or call her many times a week if I would choose to do so.  I can listen to her.  I can visit her and play a card game or two with her.  I have choices, so Lord, help me make the right choices and think of my mother instead of myself all the time!  This guilt is killing me and I don't want to have any more regrets about not doing enough for my mom.

A Spring in My Step

 

Today, we took a Sunday afternoon drive on this fine Spring day.  We stopped first at a wayside north of Stillwater.  Found a bridge going over a deep ravine with this huge tree growing up.  

 

To get an idea of the size of it, we walked down a stairway and could get right up next to it.  It's not too often I have seen tree trunks this size in the Midwest.

 

 

Here is another photo from the bottom of the ravine showing the cliffs and St. Croix River.

 

 

 

A few months ago on HGTV, I saw a view of the High Bridge from a property they were showing a couple.  Since then we have tried to see it from the Wisconsin side without any luck.  In asking around, today we found the "half mile trail" going to the river. Of course getting there was downhill. Here are some scenes along the path.

 

 



 

At the top of steep path going down, we came to a fork in the path.  The left side looked very steep, so I took the right path.  Paul decided to stay in place while I went down to view the bridge.  The path I took was a longer walk, but not as steep.  I even had to use my balance beam talent to cross a gurgling brook.  Very picturesque. 

 

 

 

Finally I got down by the shoreline to see the bridge!  I ran into a guy on the path and he told me he was up on the bridge last week walking across it.  And just after he got to the other side a train came through.  He didn't know it was a "live" bridge! 



On the way back, I decided to take the steeper path back to Paul.   I could see him and it took me a while to crawl back up.  Yes, there were spots I had to crawl.  We took our time walking back up hill to the car and were rewarded with some more nature beauty shots. 



 

Once home, we rewarded with more beauty right outside our main door.  Today is Mother's Day and moms and grandmas are the stars of the day!  I am sure your mom is as beautiful as this "star."  I am sure you put a spring in her step today! 

What would you do?

What would you do?  Where would you go.... if you had an extra $7,000? 

Today I posted that question on Facebook and I have almost 40 posts.  The responses ranged from "go to the bank or car lot" to going to Italy, Greece, Ireland, Norway, Fuji, Bora Bora, or Hawaii.  It certainly was interesting!

I asked the question because hubby and I have been thinking of taking a trip next year that would cost at least $7,000.  So rather than rush into this decision and maybe I'm second-guessing my choices, I thought I would ask others where they would go.  If you read the post, I will tell you my hubby's answer is not what we have been discussing!  😬  So, is it back to the drawing board or is it not?

But we both thought it was quite ironic that today we got my yearly statement from my small life insurance plan that I bought when I was in college and the cash value is $7,010.  Hubby says, "There is your $7,000!"

Tomorrow, we will be walking with others at the annual American Cancer Society walk in Frederic.  My mother is a very diligent fund-raiser for this cause, having lost her father and a sister to cancer.  Every year she raises more and more money.  Recently my Facebook has shown past posts in the "On This Day" and I have seen the progression of her fund-raising efforts as the walk is always the second weekend of May.  As of today, she raised $4,100, beating all her previous records.   Wow!

Now, we have to trust that American Cancer Society will know what to do with that money. 

Easy Does It

"Easy Does It" is usually affiliated with an anonymous program.  And maybe I should remain anonymous in my blog today.  I am one of those people that do things the hard way without realizing that a shift in direction or status can make things easier.  

Take for example, getting things out of my refrigerator.  





This lady could be me!  She has full capacity to open the door wide and look straight into the refrigerator.  But she is doing as I do, craning my neck and bending sideways to get things out of the refrigerator.  Any physical therapist will tell you to avoid side ways bending in daily activities.  Face your object frontally and squarely.  One of these days, I will get it right.

I did get it right with my cupboards and drawers, changing where things were located (see blog on April 11).  It is so much easier and makes sense now where I have things located.  

We had a covered waste basket in the master bathroom for years now.  It has a swinging cover that you move slightly and put your waste in the basket.  For years now, hubby has tried to get waste into basket by dropping it on the cover in hopes that the weight of the waste will open the swinging cover and deposit the waste in the basket.  Most of the time he is successful, but every week I am picking up pieces of waste on the floor around the basket.  Ugh!  

For some reason, I got to thinking about using an open waste basket in the master and the covered one in the guest bath.  Actually, I thought, my guest might not want to see the waste of other guests and the cover will keep all the waste out of sight.  So, I switched the baskets.  Voila!  The open basket in our bath has made it EASY for hubby to drop his waste INTO the basket.  

Something else I have done to make it easy and convenient for me is having a box of Kleenex in every room and two in the bedroom (one on each nightstand).  To some that may seem frivolous, but when you have respiratory and sinus issues, you often need a tissue NOW!  I am not using any more Kleenex than if I had one box in one room, my usage is distributed.  It sure is handy and easy to not have to run into another room when I am about to sneeze.  

I also keep a container of anti-bacterial wipes under each sinks so that I can wipe down the sink when I see it needs to be done.  Before, with just one container for the place, I would tend to forget to go and grab the wipes.  Then of course, I would remember when I saw the sink needed a wipe-down.  

You all probably know and do all these easy tips.  I guess I am not too old to learn new tricks/tips.  Now if I can just remember to open that refrigerator door wide open and look straight in, I might see those vegetables and salad fixings that I need to be eating.  Speaking of that, I bought a bag of salad - 4 kinds of lettuce already torn with carrots and radishes.  I read that even though buying your salad this way is more expensive, you are more likely to eat the salad.  Then, you are spending less money (and time) than buying everything separately and throwing away most of it.... as it's just not easy to fix a salad sometimes.  Easy does it! 

I Got Caught....

I got caught burying my head in the sand.  Just like the ostrich burying his head in the sand when he sees danger, I have been ignoring my health.  Actually, did you know that the legend about the ostrich is incorrect?   And I guess "ignoring my health" is incorrect too, as I have felt quite fine.  





But, I'm not quite fine.  Today, I felt light-headed, head-achey and decided to leave the coffee hour early.  One of the residents here is a nurse and she insisted on taking my blood pressure which was high.  They strongly  suggested I go to the doctor.  For once, I followed someone's advise and did as they said.  My blood pressure was still high at the clinic.  So now I am on blood pressure medication, again.  

About 13 years ago, I was having head aches and ringing in my ears.  The doctor put me on blood pressure medications and I felt so much better.  Last year in the process of moving here, my prescription ran out and since my doctor was in Texas and I was not able to have a follow-up visit, no refills were allowed.  I thought, "I feel very good, maybe I just needed the medication while I was working.  I am going to try to live without medication." 

That thought frame went along with my decision to live without my diabetes medication.  Yes, I have been borderline diabetic for a few years now.  Again, I have been feeling quite fine without the medication, so I didn't pursue getting a new prescription.  Did I say that I hate going to the doctor?

So, today the doctor ordered a blood sugar lab test among other tests.  I got the call this afternoon that I need a fasting glucose test, which I am having tomorrow morning.  My blood sugar was quite high.  The highest I have ever recorded....although I have not been testing daily for about a year. Blame it on my good healthy feeling of living here in Wisconsin, right?  I guess the sands of the St Croix River were very conducive to me for burying my head in the sand.  

The body is a mysterious and complex organism.  It keeps us going even we think we are well, but we're not.  Good healthy living does not always cure whatever ails you.  I thought I was fine, but my body was breaking down and thankfully, there are medications to help make my body stronger.  I have to realize that I may never get rid of the hypertension or diabetes, but I can start the healing process of fixing the breaks in my body.  Don't be an ostrich, get your body checked.  

Lazy Days

Yep, this is me!  Lazy Day!  I feel somewhat guilty about not writing my blog and certainly what I have written lately has been superficial.  Maybe it's the dreary weather we have lately.  Maybe it's the fact that we spent three very busy months lately and I'm just tired.   I just have not gotten very deep into thought at all.  I told hubby that I have not been philosophical lately.  I just have not gotten very deep into anything except my recliner.  

Well.  Well, that's a deep subject...remember that old phrase.  Today, it applies to me and that's OK.  I think I will abide by the following philosophy. 





Maybe another day, I will be full of energy.

Spring

It's Spring!  Time for new growth and refreshing views....green grass, tulips blooming, trees budding.  Oh, of course, Mother Nature has to throw a few snowflakes in the view too!  Nothing to stick to the ground here, so it's just fine.  

It was a year ago yesterday that we moved into our apartment here in Hudson.  Moving to an apartment that is about 2/3 the size of our house has been an adjustment.   We moved some things up here that we have discovered that we aren't using and maybe never will.  Then I am certain there are other things we have not even looked at since we moved.   

The apartment complex is gong to be cleaning and sealing the underground garage next week and we need to get things off the floor in front of our car.  We do have a storage area that is about 5 feet by 7 feet just around the corner from our car to put things into, but it's full.  So our goal is to pull everything out of the storage and see what's in there.  Then we have to decide if we're going to keep or give away.  

Yesterday, we took a cursory view of the storage unit....ugh!  It looks like we just threw things in there without any rhythm or reason.  Guess what?  That's what happened.  I found a large tote bag on the top of the pile and I pulled it out and found it full of other totes.  So not only do we have plastic totes full of stuff, we have cloth totes full of nothing.  

I already had about five tote bags in the apartment and now I have eleven tote bags on my bed, waiting for me to decide which to keep and which to give away.  This tote obsession goes along with my purse collection.  Some people have a closet full of shoes, I have purses and tote bags.

Since the weather is not warm enough to be outside or travel much, I have not had much opportunity to use my purses or tote bags, so the task should be easy, right?  Time will tell.

Saving for????

Saving for.... a rainy day, the kids, preservation.  I guess that the things I have saved (read previous blog some of the things I found in a tote) were saved for preservation and a rainy day as there are no kids.    I may have thought that some rainy day, I would look over these things and memories would come back.  

Yes, my totes are my treasure chests. Full of "treasures" or mementos from years ago.  I have looked through the mementos and found plenty that I have discarded in the garbage.  Even the memory of the event or occasion is not worth the hassle of keeping.  It's no longer a treasure!  It's a burden.




However, I have years of cards from hubby and those I gave to him, also.  Will I, in the future, need to see those cards to remember that we loved each other?  Probably not.  If I reach a point in my life that I don't remember him or our love, I don't think a card will make much difference.  If you know someone who has lost their memory or lost your loved one and the saved cards were valuable, please correct me if I'm wrong? 

I am still reviewing my photos and my writings.  What should I keep?  Should I re-type my writings and incorporate them in my in autobiography?  Photos, oh my!  Lots of bins of photos that I want to put into a scrapbook.  I have lots of material for scrapbooks and I need to either use it up or get rid of it as it's clogging my closets.  

Yes, I am on a de-cluttering kick and I'm proud of it!  If nothing else, getting most of the "saved" items in a scrapbook will free my mind and my closets.  Wish me luck!

   

Memories

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
                from "Cats"



Today, I took a long walk down memory lane.  I dragged a heavy tote out of the corner of our bedroom to the living room and started going through years of mementos.  Some things I am very glad I kept, others I wondered, "Why?"   

Here are some of things I found in the tote:

• Freshman college beanie
• High school graduation honor award cords worn with our robes
• Cross stitch from high school home economics class that I never got framed
• Match book from the first (and I think only) strip club that my college housemates took me to in Milwaukee
• UTBU playbook from high school with phrases changed to make the play G-rated.
• Letter to Santa Claus that I wrote when I was 8 years old that my second grade teacher got from the Post Office and gave to me when I was in college.
• Valentine to my Daddy that mom made on my behalf when I was six months old.
• Letter from my sister, Romey, that was written on over six feet of toilet paper.

To paraphrase a current commercial...What's in your TOTE?  

There was all my 4-H projects including two years that I chose "Child Care" and wrote reports on my youngest siblings at the time, Ronald and Rachel.  I think I will pass those reports on to them or their kids as some of the report is on their behavior and their likes and dislikes.  It was fun reading.

The majority of the tote was, I swear, every card that Paul and I have given or sent each other.  Our relationship started out long-distance, so for a time we were supporting Hallmark in our card purchases.  In the tote there were a good number of letters too.  OMG!  What lovers won't say to each other.... I blushed just reading them!  

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

Family

Today, our family was not exactly jumping for joy..... getting too old to do that!  At least not jumping physically, but emotionally it was a joyous day.  Our mother turned 85 years old four weeks ago and we were all together today to help her celebrate.  All eight of her kiddos were together, again!  

We have been very fortunate to get together very often.  Over the years, several of us have lived in other parts of the country and it seemed that we were still able to all be together at least once a year.  Now that we all live in Wisconsin and Minnesota, our opportunities to convene together have increased.  

Convening together does not always mean being together for any length of time.  Let me explain.  Part of the dilemma we face is that there are so many of us siblings.  It's hard to have conversations with all our siblings, and before you know it we're leaving for home.  "Oh shoot, I didn't get a chance to ask so-and-so how their son is doing!  I didn't get a chance to ask so-and-so about their job and how it's going."  We have quantity time, but not always quality time.   

I know that the solution to this dilemma is committing to visiting each sibling and having those one-on-one conversations.  Does it happen?  Not very often.  I seem to let time slip away and not take initiative to have those visits....until the next time we're all together for a birthday, shower, wedding or funeral....and then I regret not having the time to talk with them.  

Yes, I need to "jump" on the bandwagon and make sure that I have those conversations that I feel I miss in our large family gatherings.  Large family gatherings are good and we're so fortunate to have so many of them, but I'm ready to take this jumping for joy to a different level...a personal level.  

I've Been Everywhere

Johnny Cash sang the song, "I've Been Everywhere" 

I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the desert's bare, man.
I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Of travel I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere.

Then the songs goes on to list a LOT of cities and states that the "man" has been to.  The other day I was reminded of ALL the places I have been to.  

At the cemetery where my uncle was buried, there was a relative of his with a special stone monument recognizing him as part of the Wisconsin unit in the Civil War.  It reminded me of all the huge monuments erected in honor of the different states and their heroes that were in the Civil War.  I have seen these monuments in Georgia, Tennessee and Pennsylvania.  They are quite impressive and I was telling my sister about these places.  Then I remembered seeing a Civil War reenactment on a Civil War battleground in Georgia.  What an experience seeing the troops charging each other, hearing the cannons booming and feeling like I was right in the middle of all the action.  

In sharing that memory with my sister, I had the overwhelming feeling of gratitude....how dang lucky and fortunate I have been in my life!  I have been in all 50 states, I have been to a lot of historical, natural and national landmarks.  Some of these places and roads, I have traveled not just once, but twice.  

Yep, I've been everywhere, man! 

Cry Baby Cry

I am going to be very honest here.... I cry at funerals and memorial services.  It does not matter if I know the person (I have gone to services to support the living relatives) or if I was close to the deceased person...I cry!  Especially when the songs are sung.  There's something about the old hymns that just get the tears-a-jerking!




 Therefore, to further my honesty, I hate funerals and memorial services.  Because I cry!  I rarely cry and when I do, I don't look pretty.  Granted I don't look pretty when I don't cry, but when I do cry, what a mess.  When I cry at services, I feel like a hypocrite.  I say that because I think that when people notice me crying, they must think, "Oh, she was so close to that person, look how upset she is." As I said before, I have gone to funerals of people that I don't even know or have even met and I cry.  Why should I be crying?  

Today was the funeral of my cousin's father.  In my adult years, I have not seen him very much, mainly because I have lived away from the area.  But last fall, my mom and I stopped in at his apartment in an assisted living building and had a brief visit.    I remember him from my childhood as a quiet man, hard-worker and the fact that after lunch/dinner, he always took an hour nap on the bed.  It's rather funny, how certain memories stick with a person.  I can still visualize seeing his feet on the bed through the open door from the kitchen while he slept.  Now, he is at rest forever.  

When I die, I don't want a funeral or memorial service.  Maybe my decision will spare someone else the embarrassment of crying in front of others.  As much as I love the old hymns, I have always wanted to put some of my photos on CD with a hymn playing.  And then if someone wants to cry about my passing, pop in a CD and watch my photo show and cry if they want in private.  I guess I had better get going on that CD, as you never know when your time is up.  Cry, baby, cry! 


 

Shadows

Upon reviewing my photos from our 3 months trip to Arizona, I found several photos that the subject looked washed-out in the sunlight and I found several with deep rich colors in the shadows.  Such as the photo below of Antelope Canyon.  

The rock is blocking the sunlight from hitting the underside of the canyon and the colors grow richer and darker the lower in the canyon our view goes.  

A shadow is not permanent, it's shape and definition changes as the light source that created the shadow changes.  Sometimes in our lives, we may feel like we live in a shadow or a shadow is following us.  Maybe we feel hindered by the shadow, or we may want to hide in the shadow for a bit to get our bearings.  Its dark and deep sensations offers us a reprieve from the bright light of sunshine or the light that reflects off other people.   If there is no light shining on us, we can hibernate and isolate for a while.  Maybe, no one will notice me here in the shadows.  

Today, in the Christian world, I would label as a Day of Shadows.  The death and dark of Good Friday is over.  Christ is buried in the tomb, and his followers isolate in the dark shadows of the buildings, trying to get their bearings and figure out "What just happened?"  

Of course, we know the that tomorrow will bring brightness that will change and chase away the shadows.  It's Easter and we celebrate the risen Christ!  Bright colors of eggs and candy, bright colors of new outfits, trees budding out and flowers poking their way up to soak in the sunshine. Some of us will worship the risen Christ and some of us will worship the sun. Some will do both!

Even in the canyon of my photo, the changing position of the sun coming through the slot in the canyon can change the shadows and coloring of this view.  At certain times of the day and year, this canyon wall may be bathed in sunlight for much of day and no shadows will be cast. 

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun.

With sunlight, there are shadows. Without sunlight, there are no shadows.  Both sun and shadows are part of our lives and they serve a purpose in our lives.  Whether you are in the shadows or the sunlight, be aware, acknowledge and accept your "season" and this "time" of your life. 

Stuck?

Are you stuck?  We often talk about being stuck.....in life, marriage, job, habits, etc.  "I can't change.... jobs, spouses, locations, eating habits, exercise habits."    We lament to ourselves and others, don't we?  We feel like there is no way out of our situation, we're stuck.

Tonight we saw the movie, "The Shack."  One of the lines in the movie was, "You're not stuck because you can't.  You're stuck because you won't."  Whoa!  It hit home with me, how about you?  CAN'T indicates external sources are keeping us stuck, while WON"T indicates internal (self) motivation is keeping us stuck.  All of sudden, it changes everything.  First of all, it changes our attitude and motivation.  When we choose to say we're stuck because we won't change, we can't blame others any longer.  The responsibility is ours and ours alone.  

Taking responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and changes is not always easy.  Our habits and our society makes it easier to blames others by saying, "I can't."   Look closely at the image I copied above with the word stUck.  "U" is right in the middle of the word.  "You" are right in the middle of being stuck.  

So, one of my common lamentations of "I can't lose weight," needs to be changed to "I won't lose weight."  In other words, right now I choose to NOT change eating and exercise habits so that I CAN lose weight.  Suddenly, it shifts my ways of thinking and maybe, in the future, I will choose to make changes to my habits so that I can lose weight.  Right now, I will focus more on the sticky concept of Can't versus Won't.  I can do that!  

Wednesday's Child

Do you remember this nursery rhyme?

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child must work for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought, "Tomorrow is Wednesday."  And then the verse, "Wednesday's child is full of woe" popped into my head.  As a child born on Wednesday, I used to feel bad about being full of woe, in other words, sad.  It's probably more appropriate to say I felt sad about being a Wednesday's child.  The poem was written to teach children the days of the week.  I guess you could say that Saturday and Wednesday's children got the short end of the shaft on personality.  😉

I tend to get serious, sometimes even sad in my writings.  For the most part I am a calm, quite fulfilled, positive thinking person.  But as you have probably already gathered if you have read my blog for any length of time, I bare-it-all at times, including my sad thoughts.  So maybe the title "full of woe" is appropriate.  

Last fall, one of our neighbors (in her 50's) had a massive stroke.  In fact when we left for the winter, she had been in rehab facility for months.  Upon our return to our place, we heard that she was back living in our building.  She has to wear a helmet as part of her skull was taken out to release pressure and it has not been replaced.  Today, another neighbor had her 91st birthday and treated us during our coffee hour.  So the lady who is recovering from her stroke came too. Now, if anyone had a reason to be full of woe, it's her!  She is basically relearning all the skills that we adults take for granted.  Reading, remembering details, playing an instrument, speaking the appropriate words, and baking.  Because she is the next-door neighbor to the birthday lady and loves her dearly, she brought down her flute that she is re-learning to play.  Her therapist has told her that playing the flute will help her right arm and shoulder become stronger.

As she began playing her flute, I found myself thinking of her as a seven year old girl just learning the flute.  But, with a couple of false starts, we could recognize song, "Happy Birthday" and sing along hesitantly.  She was proud to complete the song and then told us that she had only been playing the flute about 3 years before her stroke and had played in concerts and recitals.  Was she full of woe about re-learning to play an instrument that she had perfected just a few years ago?  No, the smile on her face after her recital for us was one of triumph!  As she was telling us of her occupational therapist coming to her place to help her bake cookies, she couldn't remember the names of some of the ingredients.  This afternoon, I happened to see her leaving her apartment.  I asked, "How did your baking go today?"  She beamed and said, "I just left some cookies (for birthday lady) on her door."  

What a lesson in perseverance and positive-thinking I learned today, Wednesday.  Wednesday's child was an adult lady recovering from a stroke.  Wednesday, a day full of woe.....NOT! 

Sense of Accomplishment

I am feeling an internal sense of accomplishment tonight!  Ever since we arrived home last week, I have been opening the wrong drawers and cupboards to get things.  For some reason, my brain thinks that items should be where they are not... at least not until today.  I cleaned and rearranged drawers.  Things are now where my brain thought they should be.  For some odd reason, everything seems more logical.  

Tomorrow, I will have another internal sense of accomplishment when I tackle the cupboards. The reason I am calling my sense of accomplishments internal, is because no one but me will even know I did spring cleaning.  All my work is behind closed doors and drawers.

Oh well!  Doing spring cleaning where others can see it out in the open is fine and good.  But doing spring cleaning where only I can see it really gives me a sense of accomplishment, because I could have just as easily left it the way it was as no one would ever know.  But guess what, now you all know what a good housekeeper I am.  Next time you visit, take a look in my drawers!  😉

Mountain Canyons

For the past five nights (since we arrived home) I have been dreaming about being in the canyons of mountains. In each of these dreams I am looking for something or looking for a way out of the canyon and/or to the top of the mountain.  There is a phrase, "mountain-top experience," which signifies that one has made it to the mountain top and oh, what a view!  What an experience!  What a high feeling!

Realistically, not very many people make it to the top of mountains.  



For one thing, there is not a lot of space on top.  For another thing, the climb is strenuous and taxing on the body and soul. We travel through the canyons of mountains and sometimes we may reach a summit.  There are usually signs there listing the elevation and even though I am traveling in a car, I get a sense of accomplishment! 😉

Traveling through the canyons below the mountaintops is quite the experience.  Looking up the walls of the canyon and seeing different patterns and colors in the rocky formations is awesome!  I took hundreds of photos of these walls during our travels recently.  Why then, am I dreaming about canyons in a somewhat negative way....trying to get out or find something?  I know enough about dream analysis that I am feeling stuck in the canyons of my life, wanting something different.  But what?  Because when I awaken, I feel just fine about my life and what's happening.  

Or do I?  Yesterday's blog I wrote about Handel's "Messiah."  I woke up this morning realizing that I may have presumed some things about Handel.  He was restless, independent and free-spirited, but does that mean that he didn't have a strong relationship with Christ as I insinuated? No, I find that I like to blame my waxing and waning relationship with Christ to my free-spirit.  Being free-spirited is a badge of honor for me.  Yes, I believe in Christ but giving my everything and all to Him is tough.  I feel like I will lose a part of me.  I have struggled with this in my life....seems like forever.  I go whole-hog (whole-heartedly) into the worship (church) atmosphere and then run away from it for awhile (waxing and waning).  

The other day, I bought a CD of songs, the good old spiritual songs that I heard in my churches and from my grandmother while she worked at home.  I love these old songs and I often find the hymns being my "earworm."  Today, it was "Softly and Tenderly" and I think I hear Him calling me.  Lord, give me the strength and courage to listen and stop my restlessness.  Maybe it's the church that I am searching for in my dreams.  Maybe it's the mountain top that Christ wants to take me to.  Come along as we travel through this phase in my life.  

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling for you and for me.
See, on the portals, He's waiting and watching;
Watching for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
Ye who are weary come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling;
Calling, "O sinner, come home!"

O for the wonderful love He has promised,
Promised for you and for me.
Though we have sinned He has mercy and pardon;
Pardon for you and for me.

Come home, come home,
Ye who are weary come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling;
Calling, "O sinner, come home!"

Come home, come home,
Ye who are weary come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling;

Calling, "O sinner, come home!"

Messiah

As we enter the Holy Week, the word messiah becomes important to all Christians.  Messiah, the one to lead and save the world.  Handel created a musical piece by the same name, Messiah, that was originally intended for the Easter season.  However, our modern times have relegated this piece to the Christmas season.

Today our local art center offered the Messiah performed by local musicians (instrumental and vocal) to kick off Holy Week.  We sat in the front row and had a great view of all the musicians.  Luckily they also gave us a "cheat sheet," showing what they were singing.  Between my hearing loss and the operatic singing, I was very glad to have the words in front of me.

Being in the front row, there were no "filters" between us and the performers.  It was a spine-tingling performance!  You may be familiar with the crescendo singing of the words, "Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."  "Hallelujah!  King of Kings and Lord of Lords."

Having the cheat sheet with the lyrics got me thinking, "Since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead.  For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive."  Truly the story of Easter.  However, in reading about Handel, he was not in cahoots with any church like the other famous composer, Bach.  He also was a quick composer, not taking months or years to compose his pieces.  A Smithsonian article lists Handel as having a restless independence and free-spirited musical entrepreneurship.   Does restless, independent and free-spirited sound like someone I know?  Me!

I wrote earlier that I found this performance spine-tingling.  Maybe because I could I identify with the feelings of the creator, Handel.  Was he also questioning his beliefs?  Was he unable to rely on Christ for his support, choosing instead to be independent?  Was he free-spirited, instead of Christ-spirited?  Yes, I am questioning.

Water

Water is so important to our bodies and our lives.  We often take for granted how important it is to our health and well-being.  Today I'm not going to write about our bodies needs for water, but our soul's well-being need for water.  

Many people are attracted to the water in the forms of lakes, rivers and oceans.  They live within a short distance from water and/or they take vacations by water or travel on cruises on the water.  The water is like a magnet, attracting us to it's shores.  

Today, our season membership in the Phipps Art Center had a show offering that we chose on The Mighty Mississippi.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but the show was unique in that it offered songs, videos, photos and education about the river and the transformations it has gone through in our lifetimes.  Specifically, the Clean Water act of the 70's which has mandated boundaries between agricultural fields and the river shores to prevent the soil/silt with fertilizer and pesticides from entering the river.  

I was proud to see that the St. Croix River has some of the cleanest waters going into the Mississippi.  The St. Croix River is the river that I was born within 5 miles of its shores and now 65 years later, I can see from our apartment home.  In this community of Hudson, I feel so at home.  Every time I drive around, I just smile.  Yes, it's good to be home and it's good to be reminded of what a great river we live near.  We must take advantage of getting on it more often this year.  Do I see a boat purchase in the future?  

 😄

Tired!

I can't think of any other word to describe myself today than "tired."   We had less than five hours of driving today, but I was fighting sleep most of the time while I was driving and when not driving I was sleeping.   I thought that I got a good nights sleep last night.  

Tonight, while watching TV, I dosed off.  Oh my, I think I am going to bed early tonight.  I will finish unpacking and will do laundry tomorrow!  

"One More Sleep"

"One more sleep" until we are back in Wisconsin....at home near family, king-sized bed, hand-held shower, dishwasher, and recliner chairs for BOTH of us!  I hope I have my priorities in order, ha-ha!

I have a Facebook friend that posts the number of sleeps (nights) before she will see her grand kids in Texas.  Her posts always put a smile on my face and I can imagine it puts a smile on her grand kids faces too.  So this morning when I awoke and realized that I had one more sleep before I would be home, I smiled again!  Yep, I'm a grand kid at heart.  Good night, sleep tight!

Travel Time

Today was a planned travel day.  We weren't sure what we would wake up to when the forecast was for SNOW.  But only about 3-4 inches and the sun was out bright and shiny this morning.  Our hotel was right on the banks of the Dillon Lake (or Lake Dillon), so here's couple of scenic views.

Got on the road after finding out that I-70 eastbound was open.  The roads were plowed, but wet and lots of snow and salt spray from other vehicles.  Otherwise a speed limit shot to Denver.  Paul was driving so I took some photos out the window of our Rocky Mountain High!

Georgetown, Colorado (west of Denver) was the cut-off point of no more snow.  Breezed through Denver and now we are staying in Kearney, Nebraska....home of the Crane (as in Sandhill Crane) Festival.  Went out looking for Sandhill Cranes tonight and found plenty of them at dusk.  Just like them, we are heading north tomorrow....via Sioux Falls, South Dakota.