Vulnerability

Vulnerability - the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

I can't deny it.  I have felt vulnerable lately.  Writing my blog and sharing it on Facebook is a choice I have made...to be BOLD (as I shared in 2/17/17 blog titled FEAR).  However, fear has reared its ugly head again with me.  

Are my writings worthy of being published on a blog and posted on social media?  In other words, am I worthy?

Are my writings just a way for me to seek approval from others?  In other words, I want people to like me.

Will I continue to write even if I get no feedback or will I stop writing?  In other words, I feel the fear of failure.

For several year now, basically since I have retired, I have felt relaxed.  I have been able to sleep well and undisturbed by worry.  Suddenly, I have decided to make some changes in my life - Blog; write autobiography; plan meals, just to name a few changes.  Now, my sleep is disturbed by worry and wondering if I can get it all done.  Will I quit the projects like I have so many times before.  Fear of Failure!  Fear becomes worry, worry becomes insomnia.

Writing a blog certainly makes a person feel vulnerable.  Wondering if I will be "attacked" for putting my thoughts and actions in writing.  However, quite the opposite has happened.  I am getting very little feedback on my blogs, a comment now and then on blog site and a few likes on Facebook.  Lack of feedback, for me, is like being attacked emotionally.  Yes, I want people to like my blog, therefore they like me.  Oh!  I hate that I have to write that...but I still seek approval from others.  Blame it on the "queen" in me!  {One of meanings of the name Rayna is queen}

Yes, the queen likes to have reign (have control) of her territory (i.e. life) and have her countrymen worship (i.e. love) her.  It's not easy being the queen!  However, if I am really a queen, I will go boldly into the countryside, proclaiming my words....whether I get cheers, jeers, or silence...I will not let FEAR hold me back!  

Until my carriage of fear breaks down again.  And when it does, I promise to share my thoughts and feelings with you.  I will not give up!

 This photo was taken of me coming out of Tombstone bar....being bold...just for fun!