Life is a Dance

Last night I finished reading a novel by Kris Radish, Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral. The premise of the novel is that Annie Freeman has died young from cancer and her gift to her girlfriends is a trip to some of the places that meant something to her. While at each place, her friends (some that know each other only by name and what they've heard from Annie) are to spread some of Annie's cremated ashes. It's a story about bringing together five grieving friends and the lessons they learn about living. An oft-quoted phrase appears in this novel several times.... They say funerals are for the living.

It got me thinking about what friends I would send on my "traveling funeral" and where I would have them go. I reflected on my relationships with other women and how some women that meant a lot to me at some point in my life have disappeared. No more Christmas cards from them, not even sure where they are at or even if they are alive. That saddened me. Other friends that I know where they live, I have not kept in much contact. That saddened me. Yes, I can't forget my birth sisters that are also my friends.

"My sister's love is very special, one I'll treasure through the years. We've played and laughed together and ofttimes shed many tears, but through life's maze of problems, God placed a bond of love within to unite our hearts in wisdom changing sisters into friends." - Judy Meggers

The women in the novel share much about themselves and learn much from the others. They all realize that in the hustle and bustle of life, they have let a part of themselves die. Whether the part that died is their time for themselves, creativity, relationships with others or something or someone else; they all left the traveling funeral with plans to reclaim ME!

The other night I went to bed thinking about this story. I dreamed about dancing. I was being told to "Dance!" and I was dancing. I awoke in the middle of the night to reflect on the dream and thought that dancing is so much like life. There are all types of dances.... fast, slow, sensual, exotic, funny.... you name it. Just as there are all types of lives and ways to live our lives. In dancing and in life, we dance solo or with a partner or in a group. In reflecting on this dance equals life theme, I realized that if someone were to tell me to "Live, Rayna, live!" I may not listen or I'd exclaim, "I'm am living." However, if someone were to tell me, "Dance, Rayna, dance!" I would start moving to the music in my head or the music in my heart.

I went back to sleep and then got early yesterday and continued to read the book. As I was on the second page of the next chapter, a character in the novel, Balinda, is writing in a notebook about herself and then she writes what she thinks Annie, the dead friend, would write back to her. ".... This funeral, as you now know is about learning how to dance. Dance, Balinda. Just dance." I dropped the book and dropped my jaw! Here was the theme of my dream written into this novel. Talk about feeling like someone was trying to get a point across to me!

Just the other day, I questioned, "What do I deserve at this point in my life?" I deserve to dance! I deserve to live! I need to turn up the volume of the music that is in my heart. I need to dance with others and by myself. I need to live. I need to be thankful for life.

Peace be within you!

Joy

Rejoice! Rejoice: To feel or be joyful. To fill with joy, gladden.

Rejoice is a word we associate with Christmas, probably because of time-honored Christian hymns. The word joy is not a common word in today's vocabulary. It means A condition or feeling of high pleasure or delight. Do I experience joy? Do I ever want to say "Rejoice!" Sometimes, but truthfully, seldom do I say or feel it.

Think of the faces of children around this country as they open their gifts from Santa Claus, the surprise at getting something they asked for or maybe something they wanted and didn't expect Santa to bring. The joy is evident on their faces, the huge smiles and hollering whoops of excitement. It can not help but to bring a smile to our faces as we witness or have memories of the rejoicing.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on
his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

The above verses are on my calender for today. It's not verses from Luke as we usually read in correlation with the Christmas story. It is the prediction of the what the Saviour, Jesus Christ would bring to the world. Wonderful counseling, mightiness, everlasting and peace. In those days as now, there was strife and wars in the world and the Prince of Peace was expected, and hoped for, to bring peace to the world. Peace: An absence of war and other hostilities; a freedom from quarrels and disagreement.

Did it happen? Did peace occur, before or after his death? No. Not if we consider peace as being an absence of war and strife. However, if we consider another meaning of peace - Inner contentment; calm; serenity - then Jesus Christ has brought peace to the world of believers! Some would say that the only way to peace is believing and having faith in Jesus Christ.

Another word similar to rejoice is Hallelujah! A word used to express praise or joy. A word that is often associated with Easter and the rising of Christ from death. Words of joy associated with Christ's birth and His arising from death, a re-birth in a sense. A birth of a child brings joyful moments. a culmination of months waiting and preparing for a long-anticipated event. The birth of Christ was a culmination of waiting and preparing for the saviour of the world.

As we age, we sometimes lose the wonder of opening up gifts on Christmas morning. We leave hints and lists for spouses to find and we don't always have that many presents under the tree as we realize that we have so many things already. I knew about all of the gifts for me under the tree except for one. I knew where hubby bought it, but could not think of what it would be other than an article of clothing. So I was surprised to open up the present to reveal a lovely cashmere cardigan sweater. Cashmere has a softness and richness beyond compare. I have been longing to buy a cashmere sweater for quite a while, but could never quite justify spending the extra money. Hubby said, "You deserve a cashmere sweater at this time in your life."

How many of us have the feeling of the softness and richness of Jesus Christ's love and the promise of peace that he makes to us in celebrating His birth and re-birth? What do I deserve at this time of my life?

Dedication

There's an old song that has a lyric, "Dedicated to the one I love."

Last night I came home from work and on the counter was a small catalog showcasing the jewelry and art of the craftsman I mentioned in Sunday's blog, the one who makes the peace ornament. I said to hubby, "You didn't go and get that ornament did you?" He gave me a big hug and somewhat sheepishly said, "Yes, I went there before I read your blog." (I had meant to throw away the ad after I wrote my blog, but left it by the computer.) My heart melted. Last night, I opened that present under the tree and hung that lovely peace ornament on my Christmas tree and vowed to myself that every time I see that I will remember the love of my hubby.

He does not get enough credit in my blogs for his support and unconditional love. Often, I will excitedly share with him the email or comment that someone has written on or about my blog. He has to remind me, "I support you" or "I'm proud of you." It's true, I don't give him enough credit for his love, support and pride in what I've accomplished and what I'm trying to do. He has loved me through all these years of thick and thin, more thick than ever "thin."

We joke about our differences. We have his-and-her of a lot of things.... peanut butter, bread, ice cream, political parties. Yet there is a lot we agree on, like traveling, sunshine, enjoying friendships, reading, and our love for each other. I have been very fortunate to have him in my life for many years and I look forward to our future together. Hubby, this blog is for you! Peace!

Finding Peace?

For many years I have liked the word peace. In the Seventies, "peace" was designated as a pie-shaped symbol or the common two-fingered V-shaped hand gesture. Back then we were speaking of world peace or a world without the Vietnam War. As the years went by and the "Peace, brother" movement died, I still liked the word peace. Perhaps because I wanted peace in my life. About ten or more years ago, I started thinking of peace as being a balance in my life. I also discovered that the phonetic spelling of the word peace is pes, which are the first letters of words physical, emotional and spiritual.

I collect lions which is also a throwback to the Seventies and the popularity of astrology. I am a Leo and that got me started on collecting lions. Hubby says that I can "spot a lion a mile away," in reference to my ability to spot lions while shopping. I have become very discerning about my lion purchases after my collection grew to over 200 lions. Unusual and rare materials that have been formed into a lion are the objects that I buy now. My last lion was one made of wire and glass beads.

A collection of another type is not as large as my lion collection, however I can spot one quite easily. These items have the word peace on them. In fact as I sit typing this, above my computer is a large picture of Goose Island in St. Mary's Lake in Glacier National Park. I finally figured out where the picture was taken and was fortunate to see the same view on our trip this fall. In fact the picture of hubby and I in our Christmas letter shows us by this lake. To get back to the picture, the caption is: "Serenity - Peace is found not in what surrounds us, but in what we hold within."

Yes, there is truth to that statement. Although we can be at peace in surroundings like Glacier National Park, we will not necessarily find peace there. A person can have the most beautiful surroundings, the most money, the skinniest body and yet not find peace nor feel peace.

I was reminded of that today as I read through the Sunday paper. An advertisement grabbed my attention as a local craftsman has a Peace Ornament for sale. It's beautiful and would add to my growing collection of "peace" ornaments on my Christmas tree or my wall of "peace" objects (commonly crosses). "Priced at $95 in sterling silver...." it is affordable for a working woman such as myself. I tore out the ad with plans to strategically place it in hubby's view. It hit me.... Will one more "peace" object bring me any more peace? I can be surrounded by "peace" objects, yet I will not find peace. The 95 dollars peace ornament nor the 95 cents peace ornament will not find me the peace I want and desire. Yes, I have tried to find peace in many places and things..... homes, jobs, food, activities, hobbies, trips, drink, relationships.... you name it, I may have tried to find peace or serenity in it! Where do I go from here?

In church we share the greeting, "Peace be with you." Again, we seem to be missing the point. We ask for peace to surround, to be with our pew-mates, yet should we not be declaring, "Peace be within you"?

Paths of Life

Either I have less readers than I think or the readers are as befuddled as I am in dealing with vicious cycles. I cried "Help" in my last blog and heard not a word. :)

That's OK! I figured out how to deal with the vicious cycle, I stopped walking for 3 days. Got up very early and went straight to work, getting there by 6:30 each day & by 5:30 today. I have been putting in some long days trying to get an accounting project done and my co-worker and I have failed. Today, we got an email from the accountant that started with, "You're making this so very complicated." Umm! The funny thing about this whole situation is that I guess I have always been under the misconception that accountants require details and accuracy. So my co-worker and I have been trying to provide accurate details to them without really knowing if we were on the right track. They (the accountants) don't want to share with us what reports they are using to come up with "numbers," so it's hard to know if my department numbers reconcile with theirs or not. Perhaps, they don't know how to get the information they want and they have led us down a tedious, unnecessary path.

Anyway, I have to chill-out about it, because it's not a matter of life or death. It's just numbers! Numbers that don't affect our reimbursement or census. I can not deny that the past two weeks of trying to get this information for them has amounted to a lot of stress and about 40 hours overtime (unpaid of course). I have to remember that we were led down a "tedious path" and if I take my own advise, there is something to be learned by these past weeks journey.

There is a need for explanations, give us the whole picture. What is it we're trying to accomplish and why? Show us the "whole picture." Where are we right now? Where do we want to go? Information is so important, whether you're working on a project for work, helping your child understand something, or working on a project for your own peace.

Yes, what is it I'm trying to accomplish? I want to be filled with peace and I do not want to fill myself with food. Why? Because I've done it (filled myself with food) long enough! I want more satisfaction in my life than food brings to me. Where am I right now? About 40% of my weight loss goal. Still aiming for spiritual fulfillment. Glad for some emotional fulfillment... so glad that I could take the accountant's statement about "making this very complicated" and find some truth to her statement without going totally defensive and ballistic!

Yes, sometimes we have to go down tedious paths in our lives, that we may view as unnecessary. Hopefully, we can accept the "unnecessary" part of the journey and turn it into a necessary requirement for learning and growing. It isn't always easy, but it sure is interesting what a person can learn about themselves if they are open to the possibilities.

Negative versus Positive

"Having a positive perspective toward your health is a better approach than the negative, self-sacrificing mode many people adopt in an attempt to lose weight. Above all, remember this: Not all of us can be skinny, but all of us can be fit."

This was a quote from a newspaper article I read recently. I wish I could say that I have learned over the past months to live without a "negative, self-sacrificing mode." However, I seem to have daily bouts of poor-me and "It's not fair!"

Is there anyone out there who has NOT ever screamed, "It's not fair!"? If so, how do you do it? I have gotten to the point the past couple of days of saying it's not fair that I have to walk every morning so that I can eat what I want. In other words, if I continue to eat as I want and I don't walk, I know that I will soon gain my weight back. I say and think all of this even after writing about (read gloating about) my walking and writing habits in the last blog. Yes, I'm guilty. Getting up at 5:30 am every morning & hitting the pavement hot & heavy is not my cup-of-tea (read poor me). Yes, I claim to be doing it to become a fit person and I can't deny that I do feel better and have lots more energy.

However, I'm frustrated with the fact that I have to walk to keep my weight off. And the reason I'm just maintaining my current weight even though I'm walking a lot is that I choose to eat what I want, when I want. I eat what & when I want because I feel sorry for myself that I can't have it all. It's a vicious cycle, walk so that I can eat what I want and the more I eat, the more I need to walk.

Now, I'm getting frustrated with myself for not being able to say NO to certain foods. If I did say "no" to foods, I may be able to lose weight as I continue to walk. However, I can't seem to get with that logical program. What have others done to get over this self-deprecating, negative attitude? Help!

Walking & Writing

In the past couple of days, I had two requests for my blog address. I guess word is getting around about my writings... the requester is probably interested in what I had to say about recent community events. Or perhaps they are interested in my journey to PEACE.

I do feel, think and act more at peace than I did almost six months ago. Two of the major contributors to that peace-filled life is my walking and my writing. Walking has become a way of life for me, awaking about 5:30 AM and getting on the street, usually by 6 AM. While I walk I think about a lot of different things and I often hear ear worms (a term for a song stuck in our heads). Thinking about other subjects helps get the ear worms out of my head for a little while. Then I try to remember what I have thought until I can get it "down on paper" (in the computer). Sometimes that is never and other times it's a few minutes, hours or days later. That is the way it works.

A book I am reading now has the theme of eight women that decide to get away from it all and they start walking, talking and thinking. The book's author is Kris Radish and the title is The Elegant Gathering of White Snows." Upon reading my blog about running away, my younger sister said (in reference to this book), "I have just the book for you to read." Oh, yes, I can identify with the women in this book. It is interesting how the story tells of how the publicity of their walk was unexpected, yet the simple act of walking together rallied women throughout the country to take charge of their lives in one way or another. Thinking and walking have also helped me to change some things in my life.

In my annual Christmas letter, I gave out my blog address. It was scary even thinking about doing that as some of the people that get my Christmas letter are friends or relatives that may not know the "real" me and I now feel very exposed. However, I felt it was a step that I wanted to take.... releasing my blog site to more people. Releasing my thoughts and perspectives to more people. Making myself more accountable, I hope.

An ear worm of a different sort is the memory that cropped up and lingers still after viewing a movie the other night. The movie, "All I Want for Christmas" has a young boy entering a contest claiming that all he wants for a Christmas is "husband" for his widow mother. The mother runs a center for homeless people and a place for locals to meet (i.e. Boy Scouts). There is a scene in the movie where the potential husband is dishing out food on the plates of the people gathered for a meal. He looks quite baffled and I would say even horrified. It brought back memories of my time serving people in a homeless shelter in the Atlanta area.

Serving people at a shelter was not really something that I wanted to do, but I can honestly now say that, "I'm glad I had the opportunity" to serve others. I remember how easy it was to dish up food and give the people a smile. Some of the people would look surprised or even appeared suspicious of my smile and friendly nature. However, I was consistent with my humble servitude and I could sense their concerns being eased. I found myself thinking it was an honor to serve them. It's a memory that fills me with thankfulness.

During the Christmas season, we often see movies, shows, newspaper articles about giving of our time, talents and treasures to those less fortunate. We also see the mountains of advertisement showing us how we can spend our treasures (money) and what we can give to our loved ones. The mountains of "material things" that we give and get from one another. How often do we just need and want some time with a person? How often do we need and want to see some of the talents of a person? How often do we just end up giving out our treasures with little thought to the needs of the other person? It's the season of "Hurry up, buy gifts, ship them early, etc, etc"

What will I do this Christmas that will be different? What will I do this Christmas that will be honorable? What will I do this Christmas that will fill me with thankfulness?

Let the Sunshine In!

Remember that old children's song, "Oh, let the sunshine in, Face it with a grin"? Today was a very hectic day at work. The project that I planned on working at the beginning of the day was not touched as one meeting or "crisis" after another happened. We had a plugged up toilet on the third floor that created an interesting water fall into one of my departments' first floor office. So I had to do some schedule changes, including tomorrow's schedule as this mess won't be cleaned up until tomorrow morning sometime and the person usually scheduled to work there can not do so.

Anyway, about 5:10 pm, I called hubby and said, "It's a pizza and beer night!" My favorite food and drink are pizza and beer. Can't deny it, won't try to deny it! I can't even say how many years ago, I came up with the phrase, "It's a pizza and beer night." Whenever it had been a stressful day at work, I would state the menu for that evening's meal. Granted, hubby also likes pizza and beer. He may not love it, but he has no problem with my menu choices. I think he knows that if my day is that stressful to declare that menu, he had better not argue!

Anyway, after I called him to go out and get a pizza, I was looking forward to leaving about 5:20 pm. I went up to say "good-bye" to the remaining staff members and when they saw me with my purse in hand, they had this look of terror, grief, or horror, I'm not sure which. But their body language, their look on their faces (see previous blog on body language) told me "over our dead bodies are you leaving." So I put my purse on the floor, went back to office and helped them get caught up.

Anyway, to get back to my original point of this blog, I walked out of the building about 5:40 pm with the knowledge that I have to go back tomorrow .... to work on that project....I was bathed in a dusky sunlight. It hit me! It's still daylight out and I was excited. I know that my family and friends up North were totally in the dark already. At this time of year they have about 9 hours of daylight and down here we have about 11 hours of daylight. I am soooo thankful!

It was one of the hardest realities about moving back Up North after 15 years in California & Georgia to be deprived of sunlight during the winter months, except on weekends. I may be a SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) sufferer, I'm not sure. However it sure feels good now to have that daylight going to and coming from work. The sunlight tonight almost felt so good that I didn't need that pizza and beer when I got home. Nah! Life is good, even better when I get three of my favorite things! :)

Communication Choices

It's an interesting fact that over half (55%) of communication is perceived through body language. Thirty-eight percent is perceived through tone of voice and seven percent through the words we say. Wow! So that means that a man-of-few-words can effectively communicate their message. In other words, (pun intended), saying nothing can speak volumes.

This was quite evident at our community annual meeting on Saturday. It was a full house and most people seemed to be sitting on pins-and-needles as the meeting began. One of the opponents to our board and covenant stood right besides the board members table at the front of the room, a show of power and might. He would periodically walk in front of the table to sit for awhile as the board was trying to conduct business, disrupting the residents view of the table where the action was occurring. He said very little, but his body language told everyone he was trying to disrupt and control us. As things got a little heated, the president of the board stood up and stayed standing with his arms crossed across his chest, trying to regain control of the room full of people. One of the board members is a former school counselor, he reclined in his chair, listening without any expression on his face, just as he was trained and so "performed" on his job for many years. His reclining position and arms at his side showed vulnerability and a willingness to listen.

Another opponent spoke several times professing his opposition to the board, his tone of voice of one condescending his constituents. Like, "wake up people, you morons, don't you understand what these people (board) are doing to you." Well, that's the what I heard in his tone of voice. Speaking of tone of voice, when this opponent got up to speak for the eighth or ninth time, he started his speech, "Ever since we moved in here, it's been a nightmare."

"Moooove!" was shouted from all corners of the room. It was like the "Booooo" you hear at sporting events. I was shocked, most of these people are my parents age or older and they were in essence booing the speaker. I had to smile to myself. You just never know what people will do next.

Yes, it was interesting meeting and the opposition's candidates were not elected. However, the choices that all types of people made during this meeting were fascinating to see and hear. The choice of words they used, the choice of their tone of voice, and the body language they used.

I have had education and experiences as a counselor and manager for the past 30 years. I know that when my staff come into my office, I need to stop typing in the computer, turn by body so that I'm open to them and listen intently to what they are saying. I am good at multi-tasking so it's so easy to continue a task while I listen to them. However, I know that it's important for the speaker to think and feel that I am giving 100% of my attention and they should expect nothing less.

Yes, we all make choices on how we communicate to one another, through body language, tone of voice and words. Whether it's one-on-one or to a group... we all "speak" volumes about our attitudes, our opinions, our knowledge and our respect (or lack of respect) for one another. What are we "saying" to one another today?

Free to Fight

Earlier this week I wrote about my "flight" patterns, my thoughts about fleeing. Today, I have some "good" news, I took a chance and stayed "to fight" rather than flee a situation. As I have mentioned before, our residential community has been hit by controversy in the past couple of months. There have been letters posted and sent that are generally against the board of directors and the proposed covenant. I am for the board and the revisions of the covenant.

However, since most of the letters are of the opposition nature, it can cause a person to wonder if "everyone" feels like the writers feel? I discovered in speaking with many neighbors (in social settings) that I may be witnessing what I think is an example of the "silent majority." Time will tell if it's the majority or not. Today is our annual meeting where we can vote for the board members and the voting for the revised covenant must occur by December 31st.

A few days ago, a couple of the "ring-leaders" of the opposition party put out a notice that a meeting would occur last night. They very explicitly said that all comments would be heard and if any arguing would occur, the offending party would be expelled from the meeting. I was very interested in attending, hubby was not. I guess I've always been a person wanting to hear both sides of the story. I went to the meeting expecting a lot of ranting and raving, so when the coordinator came around the room and asked if we each wanted to speak publicly, and if so, to sign our name on a piece of paper. These names would be drawn randomly & people allowed to speak to all in the room (25-30 people). I asked the coordinator if I could chose not to speak when my name was drawn and he affirmed that was allowable. So I put my name "in the hat."

As I expected, most of the speakers were opposed to the covenants and the board. I listened to what they were saying and I could see how and why they felt as they did. Perception is reality. I use that term with my staff many times to describe how the service they provide may be considered "excellent" by my staff. However, the customer may consider the same service "good" or even "fair."

In the case of my neighbors, what they perceive about the board and the covenants is their reality. No one can take away that reality. However, last night I chose to stay at the meeting and "fight" by giving them my perception of the board and the covenants. This perception is different than many of attendees, yet by the time my name was called I felt safe in the fact that there had not been any dissension or loud arguments, etc. So I got up and spoke my piece. Yes, I did acknowledge that I do agree with the rest of the speakers on a couple items they brought up (i.e. more open meetings). The rest of the "speech" I tried to affirm my support of board and covenants. I tried to dissuade those attending to not throw away "the baby with the bath water" by rejecting the whole covenant for a line item here and there.

It's doubtful that I changed any one's point of view after I spoke last night. However, for me to stand up and "fight" for a differing point of view was an accomplishment. Even though I do not agree with my neighbors on many points, I can still look them in the eye and respect them as human beings. Perhaps, my being able to respect them is due to the fact that I have not been on the receiving end of any one's "grudge" or "complaint" against me. I can not deny that. I can not deny that there were names of my neighbors and friends mentioned last night, mentioned in a negative way.

But the freedom of speech was wonderful. The ability of a group to meet and voice our opinions was uplifting. Regardless of what was voiced, the ability to be able to voice our concerns via speech or press is an opportunity that many people in other countries do not enjoy. The vote is another opportunity that not all people can enjoy.

Today, all my neighbors and I have the opportunity to "fight" for what we want through our votes. My candidate of choice may not win the vote today, however, next year I get another opportunity to have my voice heard... in a vote. What freedoms!