New Year, New Day, New Me!

Happy New Year! Happy New Day! The infamous day we resolve to do more or do less or change something in our lives. I am one of thousands of people that are probably publicly (as in a blog) pronouncing my resolutions or writing it down or saying to another person.


No matter what happens, I do know that this year and this day will continue to roll on, I can't change that. However, I can only change me or my attitude towards me. If you have been following this blog, you will know that I started out with a resolution to obtain peace in my life. Peace in my physical, emotional and spiritual beings.


The year 2008 ended on a positive note, even if I have gained back almost all the weight I lost last year. But the "positive note" is that the weight gain does not make me a "failure." It does not determine the kind of person I am and how I treat others.


In the past year, I allowed the love of Jesus to come into my life, accepting His free gift again. The action of "allowing" and "accepting" began my transformation into believing that I am worthwhile. That was a positive key to my spiritual health and spiritual peace.


Then I have read several books that re-affirmed to me that I can choose to feel and act how I want. I have choices, I have options. I do not have to be tied to external forces, opinions or attitudes of others. That was emotionally freeing, a feeling of peace.


The third thing that happened and I will admit I did not think it would make any difference in my health, but it certainly appears to be so. Maybe, it's psychological and not physical, but the doctor put me on blood pressure medication and I feel calm. I wonder if my body working so hard (with the high blood pressure) made me jittery and nervous? Regardless, I have a physical peace that feels great.


So, today I start off the new year with my resolutions. I plan to have positive, "add" or "more" resolutions, no negative or "can't have" resolutions! The more I say NO to myself, the more I rebel and fail.
1. Drink more water.
2. Eat more vegetables, raw & steamed
3. Eat at least one serving of fruit per day
4. Write in my journal (or blog) at least once a week.
5. Do a Bible or meditative study at least once a week.


Sounds easy enough, but that's OK because I can gain benefits to my health - physical, emotional and spiritual which will all bring me peace.

Secrets

I have a nine-year-old nephew that my sister writes about in her blog. He's a character as most nine-year-old's are with an answer for everything. Some of his answers seem that he's lived a life way beyond nine years. In her blog today, she quoted him as saying, "I have a whole secret world you know nothing about." As she wrote, it was enough to "shoot arrows into her heart." I had to laugh as I can just imagine him saying that.

It also got me thinking. This past weekend I was honored to receive letters from family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. It was over-whelming! It was so touching! Some of the letters remarked about my "smile," my "humor," my "kindness." Were those people talking about me? I felt like I was overlooking "someone else" as "she" read the letters because I have had a "whole secret world" that I lived in that I did not always show to others.

The whole secret world of feeling unworthy, never praying, being depressed and resentful. I know that some of this I have expressed here in my blog, my "diary." It was evident that my "secret world" was falling apart, especially since the beginning of the year. But as I wrote in Sunday's blog about the parable of my journey, it's been seven years of rocky travels for me. I wonder if God felt as though I was "shooting arrows into His heart" when I had this secret world.

At the closing service on Sunday, I remarked that I had "cried more tears in the past 72 hours than I had in the past ten years." I am a person that did not cry or I cried so seldom that I would wonder if I would ever cry again. My heart had become so hardened, that I allowed little emotion (other than anger) to be released from my being, much less my tear ducts. Tears were a foreign object to me. This weekend's tears were cleansing. The tears were necessary. The tears showed my emotions. The tears signified that I was living again. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my body. I looked in mirror on Sunday night and I could have sworn I looked skinnier!

I view myself in a whole new light after this weekend. I am living in a new body. I have been created a new. It feels so good! I don't want to live in another "whole secret world" any longer. I want the new me to show to others. I want the new me to be transparent so that it will show to all that my heart is beating again. My heart is no longer hard as a rock. No secrets. PEACE

Carefree?

"There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the the care of God. And you count far more." Luke 12:23-23 MSG

This is the quote for the day from my calender. It is a reminder to me that this "project" is so much more than the physical stuff... it's emotional and spiritual too. Emotionally, I'm kind of "down" today. I laid in bed this morning imagining what I was going to do with the lucky lottery winnings I was supposed to win last night, the lucky day 07-07-2007! The first thing I would do is quit my job! Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate my job or anything like that, in fact I have a very good job. I'm just tired. Tired of managing people, tired of Medicare & all their rules. I really want to stay home with my husband; travel; take photos; see more of the world and visit with family and friends. "..... not tied down to a job description"

It does not help me that so many of our friends are my husband's age and retired. Plus, we live in an over 55 community of many retired people and I feel like the odd-one-out, going to work each day. Jealous, you betcha! Tired and jealous... what a combination for a depressing mood. How can I feel "... carefree in the care of God" again?

I have lived 55 good years on this earth. As you can see by my picture, I have lived to eat!

Now, I have gotten tired.... tired of trying to squeeze my body into large size pants that I just bought two months ago. Tired of trying to get my leg up on my knee so that I can put on knee-hi socks . Tired of walking across the parking lot and arriving at the front door of work all winded & hyper-ventilating.

Yes, I have lived-to-eat for many years. I've experienced yo-yo and roller-coaster periods of weight loss & gain. Regretfully, more gains than losses as last Saturday, my scale tipped at the tip-top of my poundage. I saw the "magic" number on the scale, the one that I never wanted to see and the number that said, "this is serious, Rayna."

It's ironic that when the scale tip-toppled at that huge number, I was not upset. I knew it was coming some day as I have lived-to-eat for too many years. Any time I have thought about a diet or even went on a diet, it's always been me whining, "It's not fair!" I sure could do a great imitation of a spoiled rotten kid that wants their way. Yes, I got my way, I ate what I wanted and when I wanted. Now it is time for a big change in my lifestyle or I will not have many more years of life to style!

So far, I have focused this day's blog on my physical weight and appearance, but there is more to this change in lifestyle than what I do or don't put into my mouth and how much exercise I do each day. Physical is part of my lifestyle change, and so is the emotional and spiritual aspects of my life. All three areas need to be in balance, in order for my life as a whole to be in balance. I want my life to be full of peace.

I am an old child of the sixties, but PEACE means so much more than a good, warm, high feeling. It signifies balance to me. If you look up the word 'peace' in the dictionary, the pronunciation is "pes." P, E, S, are the first letters of the works physical, emotional and spiritual. When those three aspects of my life are in balance, I will feel, think and know PEACE.

Join me as I journey to a life of balance and peace!