Vacation

Vacation: A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest or relaxation;
especially, such a period during which a working person is exempt from work but collects his pay.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm leaving work early and we start our drive to Wisconsin. We should get north of San Antonio before we rest tomorrow night. Yes, if a person looks at map and finds San Antonio in southern Texas, we're four driving hours below that! Getting through Texas is almost half of our driving time to get Up North.

Thursday is the official start of vacation and nine work days off plus four weekend days. I haven't had that much time off since I moved here almost three years ago and did not have a job. Looking forward to time to relax and rejuvenate. Yea!

Fathers

They say that a woman will often marry a man just like her father. Of course when I married hubby, I thought, "No way is he like my father." Hubby was my knight-in-shining-armour. Well, the armour has gotten a little tarnished and tired looking after twenty years. Even worn through so that I can see that under that armour beats the heart of man that is like my father. He's always right. And if he's "always right," then anyone can guess that I feel always wrong. It's a tug-of-war.

As any tug-of-war game goes, it comes to a breaking point or someone falls in the mud. Today, I threw up the rope and said, "I'm tired!" Of course, that caused him to fall backwards with a mighty, "What the....?" Of course, those always-right people seem to always question how they could not be right again.

Needless to say, I'm going to work on pointing out the instances where he's always right or contradicts a statement or decision that I have made. All is fair in love and war or in a game of tug-of-war, right? Am I right in this? I am right in this, aren't I? Right?

Doing the Right Thing

I have done some counseling in my past life, both as a patient and as a counselor. Both have been beneficial to my health and well-being. I got to thinking about the whole counseling thing after yesterday's Go Red for Women luncheon (American Heart Association). After lunch several of us from my work place (a hospital) discussed the needs of our bariatric program, the needs of ourselves and our co-workers and the community's perception and reception to our program.

I know that my own health history (father with heart disease) and my own ill-health... overweight, stressed and lack of exercise only precedes my chances of having more heart problems. I already have high blood pressure. One of my options is bariatric surgery to lose weight and improve my chances of better health. But I'm just not ready to go under the knife. However, I know the reply to that could be... "You may go under the knife with your heart if you don't change."

Accepting information and bringing things to the light is tough sometimes. I think there is a part of us that wants to be kept in the dark and left alone. Yes, doing it alone and being independent is a life-long motto of mine. I don't share much with others. I don't ask for help or ask for support. Even my hubby learns more about my feelings, thoughts, fears, and accomplishments through reading this blog than I ever share with him. I'm a loner. But it's getting tougher and tougher each day to keep up that facade. I need to connect with people. I need to be willing to show that I'm human. I have the need to connect to others and I need to be able to accept that connection.

Therefore, I have been mulling over the possibility of starting a support group at work for others that want and need to improve their health. Support in the form of talking and sharing, caring and connecting. In many ways this is a selfish idea as I know that I have a lot of information that I have gathered over the years in my head. I have the "right stuff" in my head, I just don't have the heart to make it my life yet. That is why I need this support group to release that "ribbon" of information out of head and give it to another person and have that ribbon weave itself through our group until it comes back to my heart and that ribbon of information becomes part of my heart. Becomes a part of my being, my doing, and my actions.

Love

I guess I'm a hopeless romantic as I like romance novels (though I don't get time to read them often) and one of my favorite TV shows is The Bachelor/Bachelorette. lol. I know, a person of my independence should get excited about something other than seeing 25 guys/girls fight for the attention and hopefully love of another! But, I'm hooked!

Speaking of "love," last night in my dream was my first love. I have not seen or even thought of him for years and there he was in my dream. No, it was not a hot and steamy dream, just interesting. Oops, hubby just reminded me that I "have 15 minutes" until the show comes on. :) I wonder if hubby sensed I was writing about someone else. I've had a few "loves" in my life and hubby has been my one and only for almost 24 years. We always save the best for last, right?

In less than a month my parents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. We were shocked when they made it 50 years as a good number of those years were quite rocky. Now, we feel hopeful that they will make it to 60 years. Of course, hubby and I will not make it to 60 years of marriage, due to advancing age. It's not often that any couple gets to 60 years of marriage, but those that do can probably identify that marriage is made of "sometimes it is a slender thread, sometimes a strong, stout rope."

People

Last night hubby and I went to a show put on by a group called, Up With People. www.upwithpeople.org It's a group of 90 people aged 16-29 years from countries all over the world. They commit to six months of going to places to provide needed volunteer services to different towns in different countries for a week and then cap off their stay with a show of songs and dance. I had heard of this group years ago, maybe they visited another town that I lived in. However when I read that they were coming to the Rio Grande Valley, I pondered about offering to be a host family. At the time hubby was working a temporary full-time job and that would not have been conducive to hosting one of the group, so we did not become a host family.

Last night at the show one of host families happened to sit next to me, so it was neat to witness the pride that they felt in watching their guests in the show. The Up With People group put on quite a show with uplifting songs and rousing dance performances. Many of the lyrics were very positive and a common theme was You can make a difference. Reach out your hands to another. Smile, it's universally known as a connection between people, regardless of language or dress.

In today's local newspaper was an article about a couple that have travelled to over 100 countries. They noted that people all over the world just want to provide for their children and make a change in "their world." Their world may only encompass a village a few miles wide, but people still want the best for their children and family. When I travelled around the United States back in 1980, it was an adventure for me. I did it alone and camped in a tent. Most of the areas I visited, I had never seen before in my life, namely mountains and desert. I had spent all of my life to that point in Wisconsin and Minnesota, land of lakes, trees and hills with small towns every 5-15 miles or so. On this trip, when I got to the Southwest and found no houses, much less towns for miles and miles, I often wondered "Why would anyone want to live here?" But then I realized that visitors traveling through Wisconsin and Minnesota in the dead of winter would ask the same question. Maybe they would ask that question in the summer too, with trees encompassing your view and mosquitoes biting.

We, in the United States are so fortunate to have this big country to freely travel and see different terrains and sights. We have choices on where to live and who to live close by. Children do not have choices on where they live as their parents make that decision, but so many adults become accustomed to living in a certain place and never venture to another area, either to live or visit. So it's the familiar or the family that determines why anyone would want to live here or there.

Me, I have the characteristic of wanderlust. I bet those 90 people in the Up With People have that same characteristic. However, they have another important characteristic, compassion. The compassion for others regardless of language or dress. Compassion, to feel for others and offer aid and assistance. What an awesome combination, compassion and wanderlust. What a world-changing combination!

Complaints

At lunch today, someone in upper management asked if any of us had Goggled our self? I told them that my husband Goggled me and it listed a national organization for work that I'm a member. Just for the heck of it, tonight I Goggled myself and the first thing that pops up is this blog. Holy Cow! I guess I'd better watch my words and thoughts! But what fun or freedom is that?

Anyway, I was going to write more about the survey from work but.... I just will anyway! You know you're getting "old" like that cartoon character "Maxine" when you don't really care if the bosses read about your day at work or not! I could be that much closer to retirement! :)

I mentioned that the survey did not paint a very pretty picture of me as a supervisor and in fact the one comment that the majority did "disagree" with was being "satisfied with supervisors response to complaints." Of course, I am wondering what do they mean? Is it a certain type of complaint that they have.... pay, processes, policies, people.. that I don't address satisfactorily? Is it how I address their complaints? We are not allowed yet to ask our staff for feedback, so first thing this morning I listened to a complaint from a staff member.

"Miss Rayna (many of them call me that, I used to think it was respectful, now I'm not so sure), so-and-so (a co-worker from another department) wants me to tear the stickees off the label sheets before I give it to her. She says it cuts her hands." At 8:00 am in the morning, I am not always at my brightest, so I said, "What?" as I scrunched up my face and eyes in concentration. She replied, "You know, the sheet of labels we use for the patients. It's got a strip of paper around the labels (she shows me how she takes off the excess adhesive paper that surrounds the labels and wristband); she (s0-and-so) wants me to take it off before I give it to her."

My first response... NO, I take that back what I wanted my first response to be was "So what!" But then I remembered that I do not satisfy my employees when it comes to complaints, so I must be careful here! So, I swallowed and asked, "What would be the problem with taking off that strip of paper before you give it to her?"

"You mean that I could do it just for her and not all the time?" At this point, my eyes widen and the eye brows go up and I'm beginning to wonder if someone got into the survey results without my knowledge and she is setting me up for a cruel joke. She continues, "We used to take the stickee off for Doctor S0-and-so because he didn't like it. Now he's not here and we don't do that anymore." I replied, "Well, I noticed that some of you still do this as I've seen the 'stickees' in the waste basket."

"Yes," she said, "some still do this. But do I have to do it all the time?" I took a deep breath and I asked, "Are you OK with taking off the stickees to help keep so-and-so happy? Wouldn't that be easier than having her be upset with you, especially since you have done it before for another person?"

"Yes, I guess so. So-and-so (another staff in our department) says that she calls him all the time to tell him to take off the stickees." OMG! I have another staff person that won't take the stickees off the labels, just to keep the peace. At this point, I'm not sure who is feeling and thinking more "crazy".... my staff, so-and-so from the other department, or me? They are right... 100%.... I do not know how to satisfactorily respond to their complaints. With complaints like this, who does? Maybe a primary school teacher?

Perception is Reality

I have used that phrase numerous times in my career and in my life... Perception is reality. I got a taste of it today. A reality check, you might say. A few months back, employees at our company answered an employee satisfaction survey. The last survey that was done was in 2006, just before I started working there. So at that time, one of my first tasks in the department was to set up action plans on how to correct the previous manager's faults and mistakes.

Well I thought that department was doing well and that I had a good rapport with the staff. The results are in and I suck, to put it bluntly! Maybe, not totally, but of course to low-self-esteem Rayna, the results were hard to swallow. The majority of the respondents think I'm doing just fine, but there is that percentage (larger than I want it to be) of staff that just seem to think I do not do anything right. So, at 57 years of life and 33 years in the medical field, I have to change. I have to make improvements.

I will make changes, I have to make improvements. I have to discover what is their perception and how do they want me, their supervisor to be. I need to make their perception become my reality.

Sometimes, like today, I just want to say "I'm too old for this, let me retire." But retire is a few years away yet, in fact 1107 days. Yep, I put my projected retirement date into a count-down program so that I can keep track as time flies by... or at least I hope it flies by! Maybe my perception of time flies will become a reality. Let's hope!

Come

"Come, sit a spell." - God

These photos was taken Memorial Day weekend in Seadrift, Texas. It was a municipal park and it had this line of palms by the waters edge. The bench was positioned for sitting and looking out the water. Calming and soothing.

I know a lot of people that say they worship God out in nature. I can relate to that. However, I find that God also speaks to me through his word (Bible) and his servants (pastors) when I attend church. So off I go... to church. Have a wonderful day!

Wonderful!

"I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful."
- Marilyn Monroe

After just checking my losing lottery tickets, I guess I better start acting "wonderful." Acting it would be, because wonderful is certainly not a word that I would ever use to describe myself. To me, wonderful is someone with a exceedingly high amount of talent or compassion. They are gifted. Is wonder a gift? Is being wonderful a gift?

Talent takes effort. There are very few talented people that just let their talents and skills remain dormant. They use their talents, they try to perfect their talents. Compassion takes effort too. The effort of taking the time to express compassion and taking the time to allow the compassion to envelop another person, place or thing. There are very few instances that compassion can be given or expressed on-the-run.

It is no wonder that I'm not wonderful, it takes effort! Maybe that's why it's easier to "make money" than it is to be wonderful. Is it not a sad world where it's easier to make money and be mediocre (there's that word again) than being wonderful? I wonder what one thing I could do today or say today that could be classified by someone as "wonderful"?

Maybe, making breakfast for my sick husband? I'll give it a try.

Organization

"Don't agonize. Organize."
- Florynce Kennedy

My desk is a mess! There's no doubt about it. I seem to get started on a project than another problem/challenge comes up and I set aside the paperwork. Too often that paperwork gets buried under another project, etc. Today, I had only one meeting on my calender so I decided to tackle one of my many half-a-foot high piles. I was going to organize my desk, which means putting lots of old notes and emails (of course I can read email better if it's on paper) into the shredder.

I had to chuckle when I found emails from 2007 in the piles! Oh, well! I did however find some "assignments" that I needed to do. Ouch! No sense in agonizing, right? How old does a person have to be to stop saying, "I'm going to get organized one of these days"? How many seminars on getting organized and handling multiple projects do I have to attend before it sinks in?

Today I did have successes at work beside getting rid of seven inches of paper. I was a counselor with one of my staff having some family concerns. I was a cheerleader when I got to announce the Employee of the Month for our department and send emails to the runner-up nominees with all the great comments their co-workers wrote about them. I sure hope that my staff can read their email on computer and don't need to print everything like I do. Otherwise, if you hear of a office fire fueled by lots of paper or hear of desk collapsing on an old manager, you'll know it mine!

Watch out!

You never know what I'm going to say in this blog. I write how I think, in analogies and concepts and whatever comes to my mind. My sister has a blog, a very well-written, entertaining, humorous and often thought-provoking. To be politically correct, I'd better say her blog is always thought-provoking. My writing, on the other hand, is analytical, rambling and often raises more eyebrows (er I meant questions than answers) as in "what the heck is she talking about?" Sometimes I write for my "audience," probably more than I want to admit. Sometimes, I write to purge my thoughts and feelings.

Today's Wild Woman quote:

"I run the show and I'm a whole theater in myself."
- Mary Ellen Pleasant

That got me thinking about myself. I'm a "Leo," lion-lover, bossy, and sometimes want to be the center of attention. Really though, there are many times, I'm just fine with blending into the woodwork... at some parties or a get-together. I think that's why I'd rather do the hosting and entertaining as I can observe others (hopefully) having a good time and providing the food and drink. I have hosted a good number of parties in my time! Read, I did not write I have hosted a number of good parties in my time. But hopefully, it's both!

I took and created one of those facebook quizzes, "How well do you know Rayna?" One of the questions was "what did you want to be as you were growing up?" Well, I did forget one response and that is an actress. My mom & I used to stay up on Saturday night watching old movies and I'd dream of acting in a movie. Except I was not extroverted enough to get into the acting part, although I had a bit part as a French maid in a high school play. "French maid!" I was so naive I didn't even get the innuendos associated with my part. Oh well, there's worse things than being naive, or is there?

Halfway there!

I realized the other day that I am now closer in age to 60 years than 55 years! Ouch! It's all a matter of perspective, right? Like if I don't make it to 60 years, then I will always be closer to 55 years than 60 years.

I have a packet of 52 Wild Woman cards with quotes on each one. So to get my creative juices flowing, I may use one of those quotes now and then to start off my writing in this blog. Got to get started somehow, as I need to get the juices going.

"The only sin is mediocrity." *** Martha Graham

Mediocre - neither good or bad, average, ordinary, commonplace. Parts of me are mediocre, but parts of me are adventurous and daring. The "lion" comes out in me once in awhile. Having lived in six states, visited 47 states, had so many jobs I lost count..... not ordinary or average. Oh well, like I've said before, "If I die suddenly or young, don't mourn. I had a heck of a life!" I have sinned a lot, but most of my sins do not involve mediocrity. Or they probably wouldn't be called "sins," right?