Reflections

It's Saturday and twelve weeks ago, I embarked on this PES project. What am I thinking and feeling? Where am at - physically, emotionally, and spiritually? How have I changed? Who am I? Who have I discovered are my strong supporters- who is on this journey with me? What is my destination, if any? Lot's of questions. Lots of answers.

I sit here staring at the computer screen with my hands folded over my smaller pot belly stomach. A stomach that still protrudes but is not huge. Physically, I am feeling grateful. Once in a while, as I am brushing for teeth for example, I feel a tickle on my leg and I look down and it's my two thighs brushing up against one another. Before there was no room between them, they were cemented together in fat. I am able to walk 2 miles or more each day, sweating but not exhausted. In twelve weeks, I have lost just under 12% of my body weight. The weight loss is slowing down recently, but I am catching on faster to decisions about healthier eating habits. I went on vacation and upon return I had not gained one pound! To me, that was a "miracle." I did eat some F... foods, that is Favorite and probably Forbidden foods on vacation. But I did make a decision to stop that and eat healthy foods the rest of vacation. I made choices that were healthy.

Emotionally, I am feeling good! "Good" is good. I have a picture above my computer that is picture of a lake with a small island and the mountains in the background reflected in the lake. Below the beautiful picture is the phrase - "SERENITY Peace is found not in what surrounds us, but in what we hold within." So true, yet so hard sometimes to encompass that concept. No matter what my physical surroundings, I can choose to feel peace and act peacefully.

Spiritually, I feel grace. One of the descriptions of "grace" is temporary immunity from penalties granted after a deadline has passed. Right now, I am in that grace period of trying to right myself and find myself with God as I understand him. I am feeling open and willing. Those are accomplishments for me.

So in a nutshell, my twelve weeks of the PES Project have left me with feeling grateful, good and in a grace period. Not bad, compared to the beginning where I was depressed and in a dark period of my life.

I have to say that my willingness to share this journey with others through this blog has been a PLUS to my successes and changes. Knowing that there are others out there reading my blog, has kept me accountable in so many ways. I have been honest and forthright, perhaps to the point of wincing for some of my readers, that may have wanted to shout, "TMI - too much information!" BUT, it has helped me and truly this blog is ME. I don't try to gussy-up these musings for anyone. I really appreciate those who have read this blog and sent comments now & then, it's so hopeful for me, THANK YOU!

I am far from done with this journey, so don't think that I am going to stop blogging. A destination that I do have is to lose 30% of my body weight. At that point I will go over the threshold of being OBESE to OVERWEIGHT. A lady from work commented to me yesterday, that I should not lose too much more weight as I will "look old." I had to laugh!

A strong supporter to me has been my hubby. He sometimes "kicks" me out of bed in the morning, but not very often. My body has acclimated to the morning walk and I have to admit I think my body looks forward to it! Another miracle! Anyway, hubby cooks the meals for our evening meal as he is retired and has the time. He tries very diligently to make sure I eat healthy and in appropriate portions. He encourages me to blog and doesn't complain about the time I spend on the computer, he knows this is helping to keep me on track. I am thankful for him!

Thankful is big term, a big feeling, a big thought! When I started this PES Project, I was somewhat hopeful that I would still be doing this in twelve weeks, but based on my previous track records, it was doubtful. So I decided to give it a day at a time. One day became two days, then a week, and now twelve weeks. I will continue on this PES Project, it's my decision for today. PEACE to you!