Path

I'm losing weight again. It's about time! :) I had hit that infamous "plateau" and I lived through it without going back to old habits and regaining the weight I lost. In one of my recent blogs, I think I called it (plateau) a catching-up phase.

I went on vacation and I did not gain any weight. Granted I may have gained some weight in the early part of my vacation, but I made the decision to stop eating those F-foods, Favorite or Forbidden, so that by the time I arrived home 10 days later I was the same weight as the day I started vacation. In the past I have lost weight FOR the vacation and then over vacation gone back to old eating habits and gained weight on vacations. In fact the scale is getting near a weight that I got-down-to just before vacation about 3 or 4 years ago. I am eager to reach that mini-goal and I am eagerly anticipating seeing numbers below that!

Vacation was good. It allowed me to slow down and relax. It allowed me to slow down the pace that my body and mind were going through. It allowed me to catch-up, but also allowed me to stop the "rat-race" for awhile.

Just other day I was thinking about the initial status of RAYNA thirteen weeks ago. I was pathetic. I weighed the most I have ever weighed. I felt every pound weighing me down - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was full of apathy in many respects, indifferent to the damage I was doing to my body. I am still not sure why I decided to make this change, maybe because I knew I was on a downward spiral to self-destruction. Don't get me wrong, I was not suicidal in the usual sense. However I was on a downward path to the valley of death. Isn't it ironic that the four letters common in "pathetic" and "apathy" are PATH - road, way, course, track.

I have described (in previous blogs) about feeling like I was in a ditch, in all the muck and debris that gets tossed and washed from the roadways. A ditch is a valley. It's almost like I woke-up and decided I did not want to be there any longer. My first two months on the PES Project I was frantically crawling my way out of that ditch/valley. Clawing at the rocks and ground trying to get higher and away from the valley of death. I was racing against time. I was competing within myself. My whole being was frantic... emotions fighting against physical against spiritual against emotions. Round and round we would go until one part of me got "knocked-out" for the day.

Then I reached some solid ground, 10% weight loss, 2 miles a day walking. There was a plateau above the valley, I rested there. I regained some of my strength. I caught my breath. I allowed myself to enjoy the view. It was necessary.

I am moving again- walking, weighing, writing. I am climbing higher out of the valley, not crawling and clawing my way out. I feel a lot calmer. This is necessary. There are so many aspects of the journey that are necessary. I do have a destination on this path, however I also have a destination each day. What steps will I take to make my destination today? As I take each step what am I learning about myself? What aspects of myself do I want to take with me on this path? What aspects do I want to toss into the ditch?

So much to do and learn yet! I think I will just keep writing about the discoveries I make along the path. Ready for a walk? Join me on my journey!