Well, it's been about eleven months since I started the Peace Project. The project of getting peace and balance into my life. Right now, I do feel balanced in my life. Maybe, not in all the ways I projected I would be balanced by now, but it's OK! Life is pretty darn good.
Physically, I'm not at the weight or height that I planned. Emotionally, I still get stressed out about work, but that's gotten a whole lot better. Especially when I remind myself that my co-workers "will know I'm a Christian by my love." Spiritually, I've made leaps and bounds rather than crawling on my hands and knees through the rough road of life.
Writing this blog has been a demon and a god-send! It has exposed things about myself that I didn't want to share, but needed to share! It has allowed me to get my thoughts and feelings "on paper" rather than rolling around in my head for hours or days, it's served as a release. I know that I'm not the most prolific writer nor very good, but I feel glad that once in a while something that I have written has touched someones heart or soul. Maybe the reader is encouraging me on
my peace journey or they can identify with what I've written, there's a camaraderie between us.
It sure has been an interesting project. It sure has been an interesting journey. But then again, I sure have led an interesting life!! Just today, I was sharing how I met hubby with my co-workers. Some people have spent their whole lives within 10 miles of their birthplace and sure must be interesting. I know that's not for me, adventure and new sights gets me a-going! Anyway, there were a few mouths dropping when I talked about living in California & hubby in Louisiana and then we lived in Georgia, etc, etc. I can not imagine life without thinking of or planning the next adventure!
Tomorrow, starts the next adventure. No, we're not moving already!! We're going on a road trip to New Mexico. I've heard that in west Texas, a person can "legally" drive 80 miles an hour. Can't wait! :) See you when we get back in June! Yes, we plan to have fun!! Peace.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Heroes
I titled yesterday's blog "Death of a Hero." I used the word hero perhaps because one of the dictionary's descriptions of the word hero is "Any man noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose; especially one who has risked or sacrificed his life." This is an apt description for our fallen soldier.
It got me thinking more about heroes as I today I read a news magazine's stories of the "100 Most Influential People in the World." Most of these people, I would think would qualify as a hero based on another description of the word hero that is "A person prominent in some event, field, period or cause by reason of his/her special achievement or contributions." Most of us will never meet any of these heroes, however we may benefit greatly from their achievements and contributions. There are so many unsung heroes in each of our lives, that may never grace the cover of our local newspaper, much less the cover of a national news magazine. Yet their achievements and contributions to our lives are enormous.
My number one hero is my mother. How could I say anything less? If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here! :) Just kidding. My mother doesn't read this blog as she doesn't have a touch-tone phone (still has the dial-up version), much less a computer. It's too bad that she is missing out of reading my sister and brother's blog sites and their creative writing. She would be proud of them, because my mom is a writer.
When I was a child she would stories, poems, and letters. Today, she still writes letters and she is proud (rightly so) of her beautiful handwriting, that wonderful old cursive style that has fallen by the wayside. While they were visiting us for four weeks this winter, I think my Mom wrote 30+/- letters to friends and relatives up North. These were not just 3-5 sentences letters either, she would describe what the weather was like (hot compared to Northern Wisconsin) and what they had done and seen. She shared their joy of being on "vacation" with their family and friends who were not able to be on "vacation." My mother truly understands the joy of writing... sharing. Sharing what you've done, seen, felt, heard, tasted, and thought. Experiences!
You can count on my mom to inform people of events and activities. It is not uncommon to get a postcard or letter from her describing an up-coming family reunion or cousin's birthday party or graduation. My mother is a strong believer in keeping families intact. Getting together for a fun time is a main priority for her (and Dad too). They have hosted many a Halloween parties, sliding parties (when you slide down a snow-covered hill on a sled, toboggan or inner tube), and big-time graduation parties for each of us. Enthusiasm!
If you have read my blog, you will know that I was on a spiritual retreat about 4 weeks ago. One of the final aspects of the weekend was being handed a package of letters & cards from family, friends and co-workers. It was an awesome experience and so uplifting. Uplifting because other people took the time to write their thoughts and feelings. I opened one card from a high school good friend with whom I had seldom spoken in 39 years, much less seen. She wrote, "I bet you never thought you would hear from me. Your mom was in the drug store & was telling me about what you were doing, so I thought I'd write you a note." You could have blown me over with feather! That's my mom for you, not afraid to speak up and gather support for others. She not only told my former classmate, but she wrote or spoke to siblings, cousins and old neighbors and told them of my journey. All of these letters were precious!
However, the most priceless letter was from my mom. It was not a long letter as she sometimes writes, but short. I can imagine her sitting at the dining room table, laboring over the choice of words to use. Maybe, she wrote quickly, yet from experience, I doubt it. Here is her opening....
Dear Rayna,
I loved you before your were born
I loved you while I gave birth to you
I have loved you for the past 56 2/3 yrs.
So there's no doubt about it!
You are loved!
It was certainly enough to make a grown woman cry, again! I felt like God was speaking through her to me. It was a comforting feeling, and a feeling that I'm thankful for.
Today, my mom, at age 76, is walking in a Relay for Life. As of Thursday night, she had raised $400 to contribute to that worthy cause of fighting cancer(my mom lost her father and sister to cancer). Again, my mom has enthusiasm in garnering support for causes. She told me that she was in the drugstore (different one than where my classmate works) and she "just happened to tell the druggist" that she was walking for cancer. He handed her $40 for her contribution, she was "overwhelmed." No, it's my mother that is overwhelmingly good! She's my #1 Hero!
I hope she has a wonderful Mother's Day, she is priceless!
It got me thinking more about heroes as I today I read a news magazine's stories of the "100 Most Influential People in the World." Most of these people, I would think would qualify as a hero based on another description of the word hero that is "A person prominent in some event, field, period or cause by reason of his/her special achievement or contributions." Most of us will never meet any of these heroes, however we may benefit greatly from their achievements and contributions. There are so many unsung heroes in each of our lives, that may never grace the cover of our local newspaper, much less the cover of a national news magazine. Yet their achievements and contributions to our lives are enormous.
My number one hero is my mother. How could I say anything less? If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here! :) Just kidding. My mother doesn't read this blog as she doesn't have a touch-tone phone (still has the dial-up version), much less a computer. It's too bad that she is missing out of reading my sister and brother's blog sites and their creative writing. She would be proud of them, because my mom is a writer.
When I was a child she would stories, poems, and letters. Today, she still writes letters and she is proud (rightly so) of her beautiful handwriting, that wonderful old cursive style that has fallen by the wayside. While they were visiting us for four weeks this winter, I think my Mom wrote 30+/- letters to friends and relatives up North. These were not just 3-5 sentences letters either, she would describe what the weather was like (hot compared to Northern Wisconsin) and what they had done and seen. She shared their joy of being on "vacation" with their family and friends who were not able to be on "vacation." My mother truly understands the joy of writing... sharing. Sharing what you've done, seen, felt, heard, tasted, and thought. Experiences!
You can count on my mom to inform people of events and activities. It is not uncommon to get a postcard or letter from her describing an up-coming family reunion or cousin's birthday party or graduation. My mother is a strong believer in keeping families intact. Getting together for a fun time is a main priority for her (and Dad too). They have hosted many a Halloween parties, sliding parties (when you slide down a snow-covered hill on a sled, toboggan or inner tube), and big-time graduation parties for each of us. Enthusiasm!
If you have read my blog, you will know that I was on a spiritual retreat about 4 weeks ago. One of the final aspects of the weekend was being handed a package of letters & cards from family, friends and co-workers. It was an awesome experience and so uplifting. Uplifting because other people took the time to write their thoughts and feelings. I opened one card from a high school good friend with whom I had seldom spoken in 39 years, much less seen. She wrote, "I bet you never thought you would hear from me. Your mom was in the drug store & was telling me about what you were doing, so I thought I'd write you a note." You could have blown me over with feather! That's my mom for you, not afraid to speak up and gather support for others. She not only told my former classmate, but she wrote or spoke to siblings, cousins and old neighbors and told them of my journey. All of these letters were precious!
However, the most priceless letter was from my mom. It was not a long letter as she sometimes writes, but short. I can imagine her sitting at the dining room table, laboring over the choice of words to use. Maybe, she wrote quickly, yet from experience, I doubt it. Here is her opening....
Dear Rayna,
I loved you before your were born
I loved you while I gave birth to you
I have loved you for the past 56 2/3 yrs.
So there's no doubt about it!
You are loved!
It was certainly enough to make a grown woman cry, again! I felt like God was speaking through her to me. It was a comforting feeling, and a feeling that I'm thankful for.
Today, my mom, at age 76, is walking in a Relay for Life. As of Thursday night, she had raised $400 to contribute to that worthy cause of fighting cancer(my mom lost her father and sister to cancer). Again, my mom has enthusiasm in garnering support for causes. She told me that she was in the drugstore (different one than where my classmate works) and she "just happened to tell the druggist" that she was walking for cancer. He handed her $40 for her contribution, she was "overwhelmed." No, it's my mother that is overwhelmingly good! She's my #1 Hero!
I hope she has a wonderful Mother's Day, she is priceless!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Death of a Hero
For those of us in the valley, we have heard of another soldier to die in Iraq, Alex Gonzalez. I heard about his death on the Wednesday morning news. He was the 24th soldier from the Valley killed in Iraq War since 2003. As I often do, my mind slipped on to thinking about other things as I drove to work.
Upon arriving in our department, I was greeted by one of my staff asking me if I heard about the death? Yes, I answered and then she told me that Alex's younger sister was her daughter's best friend. Walking home from school on Tuesday afternoon, his sister saw the military vehicle parked in front of their home and she fell to her knees in grief. She knew.
This staff then went on to tell me that Alex's aunt (by marriage) was another staff in our department. Apparently the aunt was so overcome with grief that she was barely able to speak to call in as she was in no condition to work that night. Oh my God, I thought. Why? Why?
I have personally asked the Why? question a number of times in the past couple of years. But my Why? question was not about why did someone I know die. It was a different version. Why did God allow my nephew (my sister's son), Matt's Marine unit members to be injured or die and spared him? Don't get me wrong, I was overwhelmingly grateful that Matt was spared. It was a question that nagged me and led to another deeper question. I don't think that we, Matt's family, prayed any more than the families of his unit members. So why was Matt spared and his buddies were not? Those questions really led me to doubt the value of prayer. If prayer did not save his buddies, why pray? I then allowed my doubts to fester into a doubting of God, which led to a major spiritual drought.
This drought lasted until my weekend spiritual renewal retreat when I knew that I could not take another step until I talked to someone about this doubting. I found myself suddenly talking to two clergy at the retreat. They both simultaneously said that it's not a matter of God not answering prayers. It's a matter of it's an evil world out there and God does not always save us from the hurt and evil of the world. He allows free will and with that opportunity that he gives us to make choices, we are sometimes subject to the evil choices other people may make. I cried tears of relief as it suddenly made so much sense.
I was reminded of this today as I spoke with Alex's aunt as she was leaving work after a night on the job. She said that Alex's mom is vacillating between crying, "Why? Why?" and saying, "He's in a better place." I don't think there is any way to understand the grief she must feel and questions she wants answers to. However, there is a part of this mother's deep spirituality that allows her to know and be comforted by the fact that her son is in a better place, with God.
Later today, God put another person connected with Alex into my life. She was a lady who I was interviewing for one of our open positions. I'm not even sure how our initial conversation got started in the interview, but she said she had a rough week as her daughter's boyfriend was killed in Iraq this week. I asked her if she meant Alex Gonzalez and she said, Yes. I asked her if she wanted to re-schedule as I'm sure her mind was not thinking about a job interview right now. I know that my mind was kind of going "freaky" as I could not believe another connection to this young man was coming into my small circle of co-workers and friends. However, she wanted to continue with the interview.
Maybe I write about all of this to help myself realize that we just don't know when our lives are going to be affected by death, near or far. Maybe I write this to affirm the love of God is there for us, a strong arm to lean on in times of questioning and grief. I don't want to ever get to the spot in the road of life that I allow myself to push God away in questioning and grief. That I don't allow myself to under-estimate how many lives are touched by one person. That I don't allow myself to forget that there is a "better place," even in death. Peace
Upon arriving in our department, I was greeted by one of my staff asking me if I heard about the death? Yes, I answered and then she told me that Alex's younger sister was her daughter's best friend. Walking home from school on Tuesday afternoon, his sister saw the military vehicle parked in front of their home and she fell to her knees in grief. She knew.
This staff then went on to tell me that Alex's aunt (by marriage) was another staff in our department. Apparently the aunt was so overcome with grief that she was barely able to speak to call in as she was in no condition to work that night. Oh my God, I thought. Why? Why?
I have personally asked the Why? question a number of times in the past couple of years. But my Why? question was not about why did someone I know die. It was a different version. Why did God allow my nephew (my sister's son), Matt's Marine unit members to be injured or die and spared him? Don't get me wrong, I was overwhelmingly grateful that Matt was spared. It was a question that nagged me and led to another deeper question. I don't think that we, Matt's family, prayed any more than the families of his unit members. So why was Matt spared and his buddies were not? Those questions really led me to doubt the value of prayer. If prayer did not save his buddies, why pray? I then allowed my doubts to fester into a doubting of God, which led to a major spiritual drought.
This drought lasted until my weekend spiritual renewal retreat when I knew that I could not take another step until I talked to someone about this doubting. I found myself suddenly talking to two clergy at the retreat. They both simultaneously said that it's not a matter of God not answering prayers. It's a matter of it's an evil world out there and God does not always save us from the hurt and evil of the world. He allows free will and with that opportunity that he gives us to make choices, we are sometimes subject to the evil choices other people may make. I cried tears of relief as it suddenly made so much sense.
I was reminded of this today as I spoke with Alex's aunt as she was leaving work after a night on the job. She said that Alex's mom is vacillating between crying, "Why? Why?" and saying, "He's in a better place." I don't think there is any way to understand the grief she must feel and questions she wants answers to. However, there is a part of this mother's deep spirituality that allows her to know and be comforted by the fact that her son is in a better place, with God.
Later today, God put another person connected with Alex into my life. She was a lady who I was interviewing for one of our open positions. I'm not even sure how our initial conversation got started in the interview, but she said she had a rough week as her daughter's boyfriend was killed in Iraq this week. I asked her if she meant Alex Gonzalez and she said, Yes. I asked her if she wanted to re-schedule as I'm sure her mind was not thinking about a job interview right now. I know that my mind was kind of going "freaky" as I could not believe another connection to this young man was coming into my small circle of co-workers and friends. However, she wanted to continue with the interview.
Maybe I write about all of this to help myself realize that we just don't know when our lives are going to be affected by death, near or far. Maybe I write this to affirm the love of God is there for us, a strong arm to lean on in times of questioning and grief. I don't want to ever get to the spot in the road of life that I allow myself to push God away in questioning and grief. That I don't allow myself to under-estimate how many lives are touched by one person. That I don't allow myself to forget that there is a "better place," even in death. Peace
Saturday, May 3, 2008
LOVE
LOVE - the "other" four-letter word. The best four-letter word. The BEST word! Love encompasses so much, doesn't it? In the my old-faithful dictionary, love is a noun, but I prefer to think of it as a "verb." A verb expresses action. Love is not always a state of being, it's a state of doing, acting, moving. There's an old church/camp song that has been running through my mind a lot lately, "They will know we are Christians by our love."
As irritating as "ear worms" are, this song has been a constant reminder of my renewal. I am reminded that everywhere and every time, I have the opportunity to show God's love through my actions and words. It's an awesome responsibility. It's an awesome reward.
I can not begin to describe how much better I feel emotionally since I allowed and made the choice to release my anger and control of my world and let God walk with me on my life's journey. I had a very-hardened heart, a heart of stone. There was no way that love could "beat" in a heart of stone. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the boulders/rocks in my life that I need to sacrifice. Some of them are still there, but I'm much more willing to leave them on my journey's path and move forward... in love.
As irritating as "ear worms" are, this song has been a constant reminder of my renewal. I am reminded that everywhere and every time, I have the opportunity to show God's love through my actions and words. It's an awesome responsibility. It's an awesome reward.
I can not begin to describe how much better I feel emotionally since I allowed and made the choice to release my anger and control of my world and let God walk with me on my life's journey. I had a very-hardened heart, a heart of stone. There was no way that love could "beat" in a heart of stone. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the boulders/rocks in my life that I need to sacrifice. Some of them are still there, but I'm much more willing to leave them on my journey's path and move forward... in love.
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