Scared

I think I'm getting scared. What do some people do when scared? They cry.

I am writing this to get this out of my thoughts and emotions. By placing these fears on paper, I can work with them rather than having these fears work me up to a frenzy.

I think I'm reaching do or die point in my health and it scares me that I may have gone too long, too far. In the past year I have gained the weight I lost upon starting this Peace Project blog plus ten pounds. In the past year I have virtually exercised none. In the past year I have been put on two medications for high blood pressure, and one medication to lower my triglycerides. In the past year, I was referred to an ophthalmologist due to possibility of glaucoma in my eyes. Of course, I've not gone as the doctor is not in-network with my health plan. In the past month, I have been instructed to take my blood sugar at least once a day to see if Diabetes is prevalent with me or on the future horizon.

Today, I suddenly felt very ill, light headed, nauseous, and had a head ache. So I did something so unlike me..... I came home from work early & went straight to bed. After a 3 hours nap, I feel somewhat better. But I wonder, is this the flu or a result of all my other self-induced health issues? As you can see from above, my score card leans more to health issues.

It's like, How long will it take for me to realize that my food choices have brought on the extra weight that I carry to the point of a BMI (Body Mass Index) that is Morbid Obesity? I'm no longer just obese, I'm morbidly obese. What have I done to myself? All these years I had the attitude that "what I want to eat, I will eat." Now it's time to want to eat food that will nourish me, not add to my weight or my illnesses. Boy! That will be a change. But, I think that I'm at the point when change is required, not just a desire.