Hugs!

"Consider Yourself Hugged!" That's what my calendar says this month. Some people are really a hugger. They hug everyone or they hug tight and long. There is the frontal hug, where the front of both persons is touching. There is the side hug, where the hips are touching and arms are looped around the backs. I've never been much of a hugger. Maybe it's embarrassment over my large boobs or my large body. It's sometimes uncomfortable. For some reasons, one of the most uncomfortable hugs is from my mother. The reason I say "from" is because seldom will I initiate the hug. I think I'm angry with her. I think I'm afraid of her. If you were to see my mother, you would question my being afraid. She petite, frail and humped over with osteoarthritis. For some reason, I emotionally feel that when her arms are wrapped around my back that she's going to stab me in the back. I don't trust her. And since I don't trust her, I'm angry. Holy Crapola! Little did I know that when I sat down here this morning, I'd be pouring out this stuff. That's what writing does for me.... empties my soul on paper.

Weight, or did you say wait?!?

The other night we went to seafood restaurant and pigged out on decadent shrimp stuffed with crab and covered in melted Parmesan cheese. Plus we had a frozen drink that gave me an ice-cream-headache. Felt stuffed to gills after that. Then today we went to another restaurant for their champagne brunch. Did not get quite as stuffed, but certainly ate a lot. How am I ever going to lose weight doing this kind of eating? Yesterday morning I had a thought, "I'm not going to get my hair cut until I lose 30 pounds." Then this image of myself came to mind.... an eighty year old lady with long gray hair trailing behind her. Not a pretty sight, but realistic! I know that most of the weight-loss articles tell a person to think positive as in, "Upon losing 10 pounds, I'm going to treat myself to a pedicure." Heck! I treated myself to a pedicure yesterday for making it through a work week without hurting myself or someone else! Now, I've got a trip planned in December to the Caribbean and a sailing boat cruise. So what do I think about, "I wonder if I can lose 30 pounds by then?" I know! It has to be a lifestyle change. But I've got almost 60 years of life style to change! I know! It's just one day/step at a time. But I don't make it through one day and I don't take that first step. I know. It only takes 30 days to develop a habit. But I can easily break a good habit even after 30 days. I walked every day for over 3 months, missed one week and have rarely walked a mile since. I know how to lose weight and exercise. But do I want to lose weight and exercise? Apparently not. I think I'll just wait until after vacation to think about this again!

Travel

Anyone that knows me well, knows that my theme song is Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again." I love to travel & explore new roads and re-visit old roads. Next month, Paul & I will be in Arizona for a week. We're going to the Grand Canyon for a couple of days. It was ironic that today at work, I spoke with two other people going to the Grand Canyon within a few months. Neither Paul or I have been to the Grand Canyon for 30+ years, so we're looking forward to it. What's comforting, yet amazing is that the canyon itself will be just the same. It's the rim area around it that will have become overgrown with hotels and businesses, right? Time will tell.

Our neighbor has been bringing over their RV magazines as they finish reading them. They lived full-time in an RV and then sold it all. Then they built a house here in our subdivision and within a week, they bought another RV. :) They realized it was in their blood and couldn't resist buying another. I know that RV'ing has been in my blood for years, just don't have the RV to fulfill that dream/desire. My dream wish was for a little gypsy wagon to pull behind my car. I do want to go a little faster than horses. I'd park it in canyon by a slow-moving river and watch the sunset (probably have to take a few photos) and then watch the moon and stars put on their nightly show. No mosquitos, just coyotes howling in the distance. Oh my!

We are fortunate that we have options for the life we have ahead. We can go down any road we want and stop when we want. The open road awaits us, I wonder what's around the corner??

It's About Time

It's been over a year since I posted any comments on my blog. It's about time I get back in the writing mode. Facebook doesn't allow me to go to any length on my comments and I can "sermonize" like the best of them. :)

What's been happening in my life since last March? Alot of travel and fun, working, and still trying to have peace in my life. I've been reading lately that people who have peace and serenity in their lives often achieve it by giving to others. Giving of their time, talents and treasures. Umm! Sounds like "stewardship." Sounds like "volunteering." Sounds like giving is the key to serenity. Yet we want serenity and peace, we want more. How does that work? In order to get or gather into ourselves, we need to give to others? In order to wrap our arms around ourselves with peace and serenity, we need to open our arms to others. Seems like opposites attract, right?

Just a Piece of Bread

Jesus feed the Five Thousand. Who hasn't heard or read that Bible story? Let me refresh your memory, from the book of Matthew.

After John the Baptist is beheaded, Jesus heard what had happened; he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, "This is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the village and buy themselves some food."

Jesus replied, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."

"We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish," they answered. "Bring them here to me," he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the
loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. Matthew 14: 13-20

Jesus was grieving the loss of John, yet Jesus did not ignore the people in the crowds. He "had compassion" and he use his Heavenly Gift and "healed their sick." Then he wanted the crowds to stay and instructed the disciples to "give them something to eat." They told Jesus there were "five loaves of bread and two fish." Can we identify with the disciples? How many times have we thought or said, "I only have one night a week that I'm not busy. I only have fifty dollars left after the bills are paid. I only have one talent and that's such and such."

Don't we often feel like the disciples did? There's not enough. It's not good enough.

Don't we often feel like the person in the crowd that gave up their loaf of bread or their fish? "It's mine, I worked hard for this and now you want me to share with all these people?"

Don't we often forget to do as Jesus did, "looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves." There are two important messages in that verse. The first being gratitude and recognizing from where our gifts come. The second message is that even Jesus broke the loaves. He did not expect that one person would need the whole loaf, he shared broken pieces of the bread and fish and the crowd was satisfied.

Don't we often think we have to give so much, like a whole loaf to God and his community? Don't we forget that a piece of bread can satisfy us? Don't we forget that a piece of bread that we share with our church and community is so much better than hoarding the whole loaf for ourselves? Our Lord doesn't need our loaves of bread or fish; He wants us to share our pieces of bread or fish. Our church, our community is not asking for ALL of our time, talents and treasures. Just a piece from me, just a piece from you, and you, plus you. It all adds up to feed five thousand, think about it.

Baby Steps

Repent is a word you read or hear about in church. One of the meanings of repent is "reverse the harmful effects of the wrong where possible." A month ago I wrote about my do-or-die feeling about my health. I'm now on medication to lower my glucose levels and a medication to resolve my acid reflux. I don't want to be on medications, in fact I want to get off most of them entirely. In the past month some changes have been made in my life.

Stop eating sweets - since I was taking by blood sugar daily, I figured that although sugar is not always the main culprit in high blood sugar, it probably does not help it. So I started to cut-down on sweets and then "gave it up" for the Lenten season. I have "discovered" fruit again and a tasty dessert is low-fat vanilla yogurt with raspberries.

Start chewing my food - one fork or spoonful at a time. With my acid reflux flare-up of a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly found myself unable to swallow without pain. In order to get some food into me, I started really chewing my food (over 20 times per mouthful) so that I could swallow more easily. I discovered that I tasted the food while doing this. I was able to savor the flavor of the food, something I don't think I really ever did when I would gulp down my food so fast. In chewing my food more, I found that I ate much slower, now hubby finishes way before me. What a complete turn-around! By chewing more, eating slower, I feel full or I get tired of chewing, so my portions have decreased tremendously.

At the hospital that I work at, we have a bariatric program and we perform lap-band, gastric sleeve and bypass surgery. A part of that program has a food program or diet. If you have these procedures, you can not survive or will have ill-effects, if you don't follow the above chewing process. Another aspect of the food program is to have a large glass of water 30 minutes before eating. Then you don't drink any liquids with your meal. At first it was tough not drinking any liquids with my meal, because I would drink at least one large glass of water or milk with every meal. Another complete turn-around!

I knew that I was a candidate for these bariatric programs because of my BMI (Body Mass Index) and my health problems, but I did not want to have surgery. I thought that since I would have eat and drink like this if I did have surgery, I might as well try it without surgery. I have been pleasantly surprised by the results. I taste food. I feel full faster. I love water (always have). I can live without sweets. I have lost 7.5% of my body weight since the beginning of 2010. The experts claim that even losing 10% of your body weight can have significant improvement in your body and your health. So, I'm excited!

To be truthful, I did not think or believe that I could do such a complete turn-around or "repent" - reverse the harmful effects of the wrong where possible. To be truthful, I did not pray or ask God to help me with this, other then my constant questioning Him, "Why can't I lose weight?" But I got a mixed-blessing in the acid reflux flare-up, when I had to chew my food. I've read that a person should chew their food enough so that you could take it and feed it to a baby. Gross, I know! But women did this for their baby many years before Gerber came along. Part of a turn-around is taking steps in one direction and then changing course and taking steps in another direction. I call this taking my baby-steps towards good health. I have changed my lifestyle. I'm not on a diet, I still eat what I've always eaten (exception sweets).

Baby, here I come!

Scared

I think I'm getting scared. What do some people do when scared? They cry.

I am writing this to get this out of my thoughts and emotions. By placing these fears on paper, I can work with them rather than having these fears work me up to a frenzy.

I think I'm reaching do or die point in my health and it scares me that I may have gone too long, too far. In the past year I have gained the weight I lost upon starting this Peace Project blog plus ten pounds. In the past year I have virtually exercised none. In the past year I have been put on two medications for high blood pressure, and one medication to lower my triglycerides. In the past year, I was referred to an ophthalmologist due to possibility of glaucoma in my eyes. Of course, I've not gone as the doctor is not in-network with my health plan. In the past month, I have been instructed to take my blood sugar at least once a day to see if Diabetes is prevalent with me or on the future horizon.

Today, I suddenly felt very ill, light headed, nauseous, and had a head ache. So I did something so unlike me..... I came home from work early & went straight to bed. After a 3 hours nap, I feel somewhat better. But I wonder, is this the flu or a result of all my other self-induced health issues? As you can see from above, my score card leans more to health issues.

It's like, How long will it take for me to realize that my food choices have brought on the extra weight that I carry to the point of a BMI (Body Mass Index) that is Morbid Obesity? I'm no longer just obese, I'm morbidly obese. What have I done to myself? All these years I had the attitude that "what I want to eat, I will eat." Now it's time to want to eat food that will nourish me, not add to my weight or my illnesses. Boy! That will be a change. But, I think that I'm at the point when change is required, not just a desire.