Yesterday, I did something I thought I would never be able to do and it went just fine. Sometimes the perceptions we allow in our brains become reality and we freeze. We don't want to move forward or do anything. We are frozen with fear.
Sometimes I am more frozen with fear when thinking that things will never change. So when an option comes around and I finally grasp at it, turns out to be not so bad after all. But this is just the beginning, so I don't want to get too excited yet.
I have been down this road before, getting started and not finishing the project. I lack perserverance! I can't stick it out for the long term. I jokingly claim that I've only stuck-it-out for two things - my marriage and my being fat! Through thick and thin... I should say thick and more thick... I have stayed married and stayed fat.
Time will tell!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Options & Opportunities
There have been times in my life where I felt or thought I didn't have any options or opportunities. I think that there are always options, but I don't see them or I don't want to make the effort to exercise my options.
Today, I took one of those options and made it a reality. I must say I feel hopeful. I realize that taking that option is only the first step and now I must continue to make that option work for me. No matter what, I am hoping that this option will get me further down the road in good shape. Time will tell!
Today, I took one of those options and made it a reality. I must say I feel hopeful. I realize that taking that option is only the first step and now I must continue to make that option work for me. No matter what, I am hoping that this option will get me further down the road in good shape. Time will tell!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Old people
Vince Gill (singer/songwriter) was asked what made him start watching his weight. He replied, "I came to the realization that you don't see a lot of really old heavy people. So my goal is to be a skinny old man."
How true that is! I live in a subdivision that is for residents over 55 years and our church is full of old people that come to the Valley for the warm winters. I don't either see a lot of really old heavy people. So what does that say about my future as an old person? It's not very promising!
I get so focused on the unfairness of not being able to retire at 60 years, that I eat to make up for the unfairness. It seems that I eat what and when I want, I can control that. Other things in my life like my retirement funds and medical insurance costs seem out of control. I can't deny I've been a "it's not fair!" person all my life. I can't deny I've been a dream-of-the-future person all my life. I have always had a hard time staying in the present and savoring the moments. Unless I am savoring the food of the moment.
Part of me has given up hope for a lot of years ahead. I've been told that I won't have enough money in retirement funds to last me 10 years, much less 20 years. So I guess I spend my money and then let nature takes its course? I don't know!!
How true that is! I live in a subdivision that is for residents over 55 years and our church is full of old people that come to the Valley for the warm winters. I don't either see a lot of really old heavy people. So what does that say about my future as an old person? It's not very promising!
I get so focused on the unfairness of not being able to retire at 60 years, that I eat to make up for the unfairness. It seems that I eat what and when I want, I can control that. Other things in my life like my retirement funds and medical insurance costs seem out of control. I can't deny I've been a "it's not fair!" person all my life. I can't deny I've been a dream-of-the-future person all my life. I have always had a hard time staying in the present and savoring the moments. Unless I am savoring the food of the moment.
Part of me has given up hope for a lot of years ahead. I've been told that I won't have enough money in retirement funds to last me 10 years, much less 20 years. So I guess I spend my money and then let nature takes its course? I don't know!!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
On the road again!
Can't wait to get on the road again! My favorite words from a good ol' country song. This time, I'm not talking about taking a another road trip to see the sights of the world. This time, I'm talking about my journey to feel and think better. I've had some very stinkin' thinkin' going on lately and it's affecting me in more ways than I'm willing to share here... atleast right now.
On this journey, unlike my road trips where I jump right into the action, I have to first pick myself up off the ground. It's a humbling place and a painful place to be, but I'm willing to stop groveling in the gravel of life's roads. The willingness to stop groveling is a first big step. This whole line of thinking reminds me of the 12 step program. One of the first steps has to do with "willingness."
You know, as painful as it's been... the pain becomes a part of me. It's familar and it's difficult to let go of the that. Letting go leads to willingness, I hope! I wish I knew the answers
On this journey, unlike my road trips where I jump right into the action, I have to first pick myself up off the ground. It's a humbling place and a painful place to be, but I'm willing to stop groveling in the gravel of life's roads. The willingness to stop groveling is a first big step. This whole line of thinking reminds me of the 12 step program. One of the first steps has to do with "willingness."
You know, as painful as it's been... the pain becomes a part of me. It's familar and it's difficult to let go of the that. Letting go leads to willingness, I hope! I wish I knew the answers
Saturday, May 7, 2011
What would you do?
Almost a decade ago, our lives were upset by the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01. A week ago, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that bin Laden had been killed. In some ways, my life had moved on after the terrorist attacks to the point of seldom thinking of bin Laden or the al-Qaeda network of terrorists. The thoughts mainly popped up while traveling by air, with all the security regulations, scanning, etc. I would find myself surveying the fellow passengers waiting to board the plane. Are they a threat to my safety? I reasoned my "paranoia" to the better-be-safe-than-sorry philosophy.
Easter Sunday, a week before the news of bin Laden's killing, we were boarding a plane to return home after a week's vacation in Arizona. Standing in line to board, I heard shouting and I turned to see four men running towards the gate. My heart leaped into my throat and my first thought was, "I don't want to fly on this plane!" The men were of mid-Eastern descent with full black beards and turbans on their heads. They were shouting, "We need to get on the plane."
All the fears, warnings, racial profiling... whatever came to my mind. Luckily, the gate agent quickly intervened as the crowd parted for them and we all were silent. I am sure others had similar thoughts and we are all dumb-struck. At this time, I noticed that they were all wearing blue hockey jerseys and laughing at their predicament... being late for the plane. It seemed like a oxymoron... "terrorists" wearing hockey jerseys and laughing??? The gate agent told them that there had been a gate change and their plane was leaving from another gate and directed them across the gateway. RELIEF is what I felt. I can't deny it!
Yes, I'm glad that bin Laden is out of the picture. I think I speak for many of us when I say that our lives were affected by the 9/11/01 attacks. We will never be the same and maybe there's a lesson to be learned. Maybe we don't take things quite as much for granted. Hopefully, we don't take our freedoms for granted.
If those four men would have been flying on my plane, would I have gotten on the plane?
Yes, and I would have probably called my parents and as many siblings as I could, to say "I love you" before they told us to shut off our phones. Then I would have prayed that if it was my last flight, I was ready to fly to heaven. I have had a good life!
Easter Sunday, a week before the news of bin Laden's killing, we were boarding a plane to return home after a week's vacation in Arizona. Standing in line to board, I heard shouting and I turned to see four men running towards the gate. My heart leaped into my throat and my first thought was, "I don't want to fly on this plane!" The men were of mid-Eastern descent with full black beards and turbans on their heads. They were shouting, "We need to get on the plane."
All the fears, warnings, racial profiling... whatever came to my mind. Luckily, the gate agent quickly intervened as the crowd parted for them and we all were silent. I am sure others had similar thoughts and we are all dumb-struck. At this time, I noticed that they were all wearing blue hockey jerseys and laughing at their predicament... being late for the plane. It seemed like a oxymoron... "terrorists" wearing hockey jerseys and laughing??? The gate agent told them that there had been a gate change and their plane was leaving from another gate and directed them across the gateway. RELIEF is what I felt. I can't deny it!
Yes, I'm glad that bin Laden is out of the picture. I think I speak for many of us when I say that our lives were affected by the 9/11/01 attacks. We will never be the same and maybe there's a lesson to be learned. Maybe we don't take things quite as much for granted. Hopefully, we don't take our freedoms for granted.
If those four men would have been flying on my plane, would I have gotten on the plane?
Yes, and I would have probably called my parents and as many siblings as I could, to say "I love you" before they told us to shut off our phones. Then I would have prayed that if it was my last flight, I was ready to fly to heaven. I have had a good life!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Shaken to the core!
Last week some activities of our sub-division neighbors was brought to our attention. It shook us (hubby & me) up to the point of where we are still shaking our heads. A woman and a man from two couples decided to inter-tangle with one another in an affair. Now that happens everywhere and at anytime, but why is this shaking us to the core?
I have known people, even family members, that have had affairs with others and it's caused the break-up of marriages. These didn't bother me as much, but this is the first time that I have known all four people involved.
I have know people that have had affairs with others when they were younger and not married very long. These didn't bother me as much, but this situation involves people over sixty years old and one couple has been married 42 years.
I have know people that have hot and heavy sex lives when they were younger, but the libido wanes as a person ages. This situation involves people over sixty years old having sex. Does this give me hope or despair? Despair in the fact that being over sixty does not guarantee that your spouse will stay faithful.
Yes, I'm shaking my head in disbelief and despair. It's tough "pill" to swallow seeing two couples lives change so dramatically.... divorce, selling homes, moving across the country, and most importantly, never having the kind of relationship and friendship that there was in the past. Those changes are happening to the four and yet being a bystander to all this is not easy either. What do I say? What do I do? Who do I believe?
I do know that this situation has given a lot of us an opportunity to talk with our spouse and truly share our thoughts, feelings and fears. As hubby says, "We're stuck with each other." I'm glad and thankful!
I have known people, even family members, that have had affairs with others and it's caused the break-up of marriages. These didn't bother me as much, but this is the first time that I have known all four people involved.
I have know people that have had affairs with others when they were younger and not married very long. These didn't bother me as much, but this situation involves people over sixty years old and one couple has been married 42 years.
I have know people that have hot and heavy sex lives when they were younger, but the libido wanes as a person ages. This situation involves people over sixty years old having sex. Does this give me hope or despair? Despair in the fact that being over sixty does not guarantee that your spouse will stay faithful.
Yes, I'm shaking my head in disbelief and despair. It's tough "pill" to swallow seeing two couples lives change so dramatically.... divorce, selling homes, moving across the country, and most importantly, never having the kind of relationship and friendship that there was in the past. Those changes are happening to the four and yet being a bystander to all this is not easy either. What do I say? What do I do? Who do I believe?
I do know that this situation has given a lot of us an opportunity to talk with our spouse and truly share our thoughts, feelings and fears. As hubby says, "We're stuck with each other." I'm glad and thankful!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Days, days and daze!
Apparently today was Start! Walking day. I guess the "national organization of choosing what to celebrate today" decided that it's been three months since the New Year and all of our start-walking resolutions, so they made up a "day" to remind us. This week is Patient Access week, where we honor and celebrate the registration and admissions staff at hospitals, of which I'm proud to be a "member." Next week is Volunteer week, next month we have Hospital week and Nurse's day, etc, etc. Those are the "days" that some may not have heard of unless they work in the healthcare setting. But we've all heard of Bosses Day, Sweetest Day, Secretary's (now Administrative Professional) day which is the day before Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work day. I have a nickname for these type of days.... Hallmark holidays.... a way to sell more greeting cards.
Speaking of days, we look forward to certain days, whether they are national holidays or personal holidays. Personal holidays like anniversaries, birthdays, start of vacation day and other events we consider major. My "niece" likes to do a count-down of days until the events in her life. She counts down to weekend camping trips, annual family cookie bake, and other fun things. There are even count-down clock/calendars on the internet so a person does not have to manually count up the number of days. I have been counting down the days until vacation and more importantly the number of days to retirement.
Sometimes, I feel that I'm wishing the days would go by so fast that I miss out on the journey and adventure of each day. As in starting to walk, I focus so much on being done with the walk or completing a mile, that I miss the beauty of the area I'm walking through or I miss the cool breezes on my face. I seem to be so focused on dates and times of the future, that I'm afraid that I will suddenly find myself old, with no recollection of how I got this old! It's like my life is in a daze.
Speaking of days, we look forward to certain days, whether they are national holidays or personal holidays. Personal holidays like anniversaries, birthdays, start of vacation day and other events we consider major. My "niece" likes to do a count-down of days until the events in her life. She counts down to weekend camping trips, annual family cookie bake, and other fun things. There are even count-down clock/calendars on the internet so a person does not have to manually count up the number of days. I have been counting down the days until vacation and more importantly the number of days to retirement.
Sometimes, I feel that I'm wishing the days would go by so fast that I miss out on the journey and adventure of each day. As in starting to walk, I focus so much on being done with the walk or completing a mile, that I miss the beauty of the area I'm walking through or I miss the cool breezes on my face. I seem to be so focused on dates and times of the future, that I'm afraid that I will suddenly find myself old, with no recollection of how I got this old! It's like my life is in a daze.
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