I'm losing weight again. It's about time! :) I had hit that infamous "plateau" and I lived through it without going back to old habits and regaining the weight I lost. In one of my recent blogs, I think I called it (plateau) a catching-up phase.
I went on vacation and I did not gain any weight. Granted I may have gained some weight in the early part of my vacation, but I made the decision to stop eating those F-foods, Favorite or Forbidden, so that by the time I arrived home 10 days later I was the same weight as the day I started vacation. In the past I have lost weight FOR the vacation and then over vacation gone back to old eating habits and gained weight on vacations. In fact the scale is getting near a weight that I got-down-to just before vacation about 3 or 4 years ago. I am eager to reach that mini-goal and I am eagerly anticipating seeing numbers below that!
Vacation was good. It allowed me to slow down and relax. It allowed me to slow down the pace that my body and mind were going through. It allowed me to catch-up, but also allowed me to stop the "rat-race" for awhile.
Just other day I was thinking about the initial status of RAYNA thirteen weeks ago. I was pathetic. I weighed the most I have ever weighed. I felt every pound weighing me down - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was full of apathy in many respects, indifferent to the damage I was doing to my body. I am still not sure why I decided to make this change, maybe because I knew I was on a downward spiral to self-destruction. Don't get me wrong, I was not suicidal in the usual sense. However I was on a downward path to the valley of death. Isn't it ironic that the four letters common in "pathetic" and "apathy" are PATH - road, way, course, track.
I have described (in previous blogs) about feeling like I was in a ditch, in all the muck and debris that gets tossed and washed from the roadways. A ditch is a valley. It's almost like I woke-up and decided I did not want to be there any longer. My first two months on the PES Project I was frantically crawling my way out of that ditch/valley. Clawing at the rocks and ground trying to get higher and away from the valley of death. I was racing against time. I was competing within myself. My whole being was frantic... emotions fighting against physical against spiritual against emotions. Round and round we would go until one part of me got "knocked-out" for the day.
Then I reached some solid ground, 10% weight loss, 2 miles a day walking. There was a plateau above the valley, I rested there. I regained some of my strength. I caught my breath. I allowed myself to enjoy the view. It was necessary.
I am moving again- walking, weighing, writing. I am climbing higher out of the valley, not crawling and clawing my way out. I feel a lot calmer. This is necessary. There are so many aspects of the journey that are necessary. I do have a destination on this path, however I also have a destination each day. What steps will I take to make my destination today? As I take each step what am I learning about myself? What aspects of myself do I want to take with me on this path? What aspects do I want to toss into the ditch?
So much to do and learn yet! I think I will just keep writing about the discoveries I make along the path. Ready for a walk? Join me on my journey!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Reflections
It's Saturday and twelve weeks ago, I embarked on this PES project. What am I thinking and feeling? Where am at - physically, emotionally, and spiritually? How have I changed? Who am I? Who have I discovered are my strong supporters- who is on this journey with me? What is my destination, if any? Lot's of questions. Lots of answers.
I sit here staring at the computer screen with my hands folded over my smaller pot belly stomach. A stomach that still protrudes but is not huge. Physically, I am feeling grateful. Once in a while, as I am brushing for teeth for example, I feel a tickle on my leg and I look down and it's my two thighs brushing up against one another. Before there was no room between them, they were cemented together in fat. I am able to walk 2 miles or more each day, sweating but not exhausted. In twelve weeks, I have lost just under 12% of my body weight. The weight loss is slowing down recently, but I am catching on faster to decisions about healthier eating habits. I went on vacation and upon return I had not gained one pound! To me, that was a "miracle." I did eat some F... foods, that is Favorite and probably Forbidden foods on vacation. But I did make a decision to stop that and eat healthy foods the rest of vacation. I made choices that were healthy.
Emotionally, I am feeling good! "Good" is good. I have a picture above my computer that is picture of a lake with a small island and the mountains in the background reflected in the lake. Below the beautiful picture is the phrase - "SERENITY Peace is found not in what surrounds us, but in what we hold within." So true, yet so hard sometimes to encompass that concept. No matter what my physical surroundings, I can choose to feel peace and act peacefully.
Spiritually, I feel grace. One of the descriptions of "grace" is temporary immunity from penalties granted after a deadline has passed. Right now, I am in that grace period of trying to right myself and find myself with God as I understand him. I am feeling open and willing. Those are accomplishments for me.
So in a nutshell, my twelve weeks of the PES Project have left me with feeling grateful, good and in a grace period. Not bad, compared to the beginning where I was depressed and in a dark period of my life.
I have to say that my willingness to share this journey with others through this blog has been a PLUS to my successes and changes. Knowing that there are others out there reading my blog, has kept me accountable in so many ways. I have been honest and forthright, perhaps to the point of wincing for some of my readers, that may have wanted to shout, "TMI - too much information!" BUT, it has helped me and truly this blog is ME. I don't try to gussy-up these musings for anyone. I really appreciate those who have read this blog and sent comments now & then, it's so hopeful for me, THANK YOU!
I am far from done with this journey, so don't think that I am going to stop blogging. A destination that I do have is to lose 30% of my body weight. At that point I will go over the threshold of being OBESE to OVERWEIGHT. A lady from work commented to me yesterday, that I should not lose too much more weight as I will "look old." I had to laugh!
A strong supporter to me has been my hubby. He sometimes "kicks" me out of bed in the morning, but not very often. My body has acclimated to the morning walk and I have to admit I think my body looks forward to it! Another miracle! Anyway, hubby cooks the meals for our evening meal as he is retired and has the time. He tries very diligently to make sure I eat healthy and in appropriate portions. He encourages me to blog and doesn't complain about the time I spend on the computer, he knows this is helping to keep me on track. I am thankful for him!
Thankful is big term, a big feeling, a big thought! When I started this PES Project, I was somewhat hopeful that I would still be doing this in twelve weeks, but based on my previous track records, it was doubtful. So I decided to give it a day at a time. One day became two days, then a week, and now twelve weeks. I will continue on this PES Project, it's my decision for today. PEACE to you!
I sit here staring at the computer screen with my hands folded over my smaller pot belly stomach. A stomach that still protrudes but is not huge. Physically, I am feeling grateful. Once in a while, as I am brushing for teeth for example, I feel a tickle on my leg and I look down and it's my two thighs brushing up against one another. Before there was no room between them, they were cemented together in fat. I am able to walk 2 miles or more each day, sweating but not exhausted. In twelve weeks, I have lost just under 12% of my body weight. The weight loss is slowing down recently, but I am catching on faster to decisions about healthier eating habits. I went on vacation and upon return I had not gained one pound! To me, that was a "miracle." I did eat some F... foods, that is Favorite and probably Forbidden foods on vacation. But I did make a decision to stop that and eat healthy foods the rest of vacation. I made choices that were healthy.
Emotionally, I am feeling good! "Good" is good. I have a picture above my computer that is picture of a lake with a small island and the mountains in the background reflected in the lake. Below the beautiful picture is the phrase - "SERENITY Peace is found not in what surrounds us, but in what we hold within." So true, yet so hard sometimes to encompass that concept. No matter what my physical surroundings, I can choose to feel peace and act peacefully.
Spiritually, I feel grace. One of the descriptions of "grace" is temporary immunity from penalties granted after a deadline has passed. Right now, I am in that grace period of trying to right myself and find myself with God as I understand him. I am feeling open and willing. Those are accomplishments for me.
So in a nutshell, my twelve weeks of the PES Project have left me with feeling grateful, good and in a grace period. Not bad, compared to the beginning where I was depressed and in a dark period of my life.
I have to say that my willingness to share this journey with others through this blog has been a PLUS to my successes and changes. Knowing that there are others out there reading my blog, has kept me accountable in so many ways. I have been honest and forthright, perhaps to the point of wincing for some of my readers, that may have wanted to shout, "TMI - too much information!" BUT, it has helped me and truly this blog is ME. I don't try to gussy-up these musings for anyone. I really appreciate those who have read this blog and sent comments now & then, it's so hopeful for me, THANK YOU!
I am far from done with this journey, so don't think that I am going to stop blogging. A destination that I do have is to lose 30% of my body weight. At that point I will go over the threshold of being OBESE to OVERWEIGHT. A lady from work commented to me yesterday, that I should not lose too much more weight as I will "look old." I had to laugh!
A strong supporter to me has been my hubby. He sometimes "kicks" me out of bed in the morning, but not very often. My body has acclimated to the morning walk and I have to admit I think my body looks forward to it! Another miracle! Anyway, hubby cooks the meals for our evening meal as he is retired and has the time. He tries very diligently to make sure I eat healthy and in appropriate portions. He encourages me to blog and doesn't complain about the time I spend on the computer, he knows this is helping to keep me on track. I am thankful for him!
Thankful is big term, a big feeling, a big thought! When I started this PES Project, I was somewhat hopeful that I would still be doing this in twelve weeks, but based on my previous track records, it was doubtful. So I decided to give it a day at a time. One day became two days, then a week, and now twelve weeks. I will continue on this PES Project, it's my decision for today. PEACE to you!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Peace-Filled vacation
What a vacation! Awesome views and scenery.... I took over 1100 pictures! The new photo on this blog was taken at the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. My hubby has been saying I need a new picture on the blog so this was the "best" of the pictures of me. It shows me having fun and being silly posing by a forked tree trunk.
I will share more about the vacation later.... glad to be home again after flights being cancelled and then threats made against our flight so we had to evacuated out of the plane at the end of the runway & then have a body search for each of us on the plane as well as our belongings. The safety and comfort of home feels good! Peace!
I will share more about the vacation later.... glad to be home again after flights being cancelled and then threats made against our flight so we had to evacuated out of the plane at the end of the runway & then have a body search for each of us on the plane as well as our belongings. The safety and comfort of home feels good! Peace!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Vacation
"Leaving on a jet plane".... tomorrow that is! Going on vacation for 9 days. I will try to see if there is a computer around to blog, but you never know. We're going to the "wilds" of the USA, Utah, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming. Plan to see national parks and take lots of photos.
This is the first vacation that I have not really tried to lose weight for it. You know, lose weight for those big events... weddings, reunions, vacations, etc. Then it's back to reality and the weight comes back on and plus some weight, which often happens.
My focus leading up to this vacation has been in healthy eating and exercising. I know they have roads/streets up there to walk so I should be able to get a mile or two in every day. Plus many hotels have an exercise room, maybe I'll try something different. It will be fun!
Food and eating is a concern as my brain seems to also go on vacation and "logic" stays home. We'll see how we do. I will catch up on all details when I get back! Peace!
This is the first vacation that I have not really tried to lose weight for it. You know, lose weight for those big events... weddings, reunions, vacations, etc. Then it's back to reality and the weight comes back on and plus some weight, which often happens.
My focus leading up to this vacation has been in healthy eating and exercising. I know they have roads/streets up there to walk so I should be able to get a mile or two in every day. Plus many hotels have an exercise room, maybe I'll try something different. It will be fun!
Food and eating is a concern as my brain seems to also go on vacation and "logic" stays home. We'll see how we do. I will catch up on all details when I get back! Peace!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Plan to Balance
Here's a quote from Guideposts magazine that Robin Miller, from the Food Network, wrote:
"In my career, writing cookbooks and eventually appearing on television, I was determined to help people develop healthy relationships with food. There are no 'taboo' foods - unless you have a medical condition that requires a special diet, like diabetes. Otherwise, it's all about balance. And balance isn't the same as control. I eat lots of vegetables and fruit. I believe it's essential to exercise and eat healthy. But it's impossible to do that if you feel anxiety about food. You should love your food! People often ask me what they should cut out of their diet. 'Nothing,' I say. 'Take longer walks instead.'"
I think that there is a lot of wisdom in this message. I have been expressing basically the same concept for weeks now. I have not called my lifestyle change a "diet" because that word/concept gets me feeling anxious about my food. The thought of "diet" brings on feeling of deprivation, then despair - "I want that, why can't I have that?"
BUT I am beginning to realize that in my "balancing" of food, I need to eat less of certain foods or cut them out of my food plan entirely in order to LOSE weight. Yes, food is not "taboo," however, some foods may be "triggers." Triggers to our system and psyche to eat more. For some people it may be sweets, others it's flour, others it's meat..... the list can go on and on! Some of us may know right off the bat what our trigger food is, others of us discover as we go forward. I gave up my nightly snack of ice cream as soon as I started this lifestyle change. I thought it would be a struggle, however after the first week, I have hardly missed it. However, the "nightly snack" habit is still a thorn in my side. Lately, I have been having mixed nuts. Now, I know that nuts are a healthy snack for fiber, they are not "taboo." However, one nut equals twenty nuts for me. I can't have just one. Nuts are a trigger for me.... to want more. Even if I measure out the nuts for recording fat grams and calories, I will still go and get more. It's a food that I need to avoid or cut out of my diet.
DIET Die-it That food needs to die (go away) from it - my food plan!
Another thing I have realized in my own life and now in reading emails from others is how much an effect the lack of planning has on our lifestyle, our eating habits, and our ability to make changes in our life - such as lose weight. Before I know it, I have chowed-down this or that, then the remorse comes later or the insight comes later. Remorse may be a strong word, but it seems appropriate many times. Remorse may be the the basis of bulimia. The insight becomes a questioning of myself. Why can't I THINK before I act (eat)? Why can't I PLAN instead of being compulsive?
Compulsiveness is the basis for the need of groups such as Overeaters Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes, I have tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I did not recognize my own compulsiveness as I was rejecting their concept of "obsessiveness." I don't eat a whole bag of chips, cookies, pasta, etc, etc.... in one setting.
Getting back to my original thought, PLANNING takes work. It takes effort. It's sometimes much easier to fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants and EAT whatever we want (i.e. compulsiveness). Planning is the basis of balance ... which is what I think the author, Robin Miller, was promoting in the quote above. By planning my food, I can determine and decide to have a balance of foods. This plan or balance may include more of one type of foods and less of another. Each person is different so I can't determine any one's food plan other than my own. It has been trial and error for me and I'm still learning.
Peace!
"In my career, writing cookbooks and eventually appearing on television, I was determined to help people develop healthy relationships with food. There are no 'taboo' foods - unless you have a medical condition that requires a special diet, like diabetes. Otherwise, it's all about balance. And balance isn't the same as control. I eat lots of vegetables and fruit. I believe it's essential to exercise and eat healthy. But it's impossible to do that if you feel anxiety about food. You should love your food! People often ask me what they should cut out of their diet. 'Nothing,' I say. 'Take longer walks instead.'"
I think that there is a lot of wisdom in this message. I have been expressing basically the same concept for weeks now. I have not called my lifestyle change a "diet" because that word/concept gets me feeling anxious about my food. The thought of "diet" brings on feeling of deprivation, then despair - "I want that, why can't I have that?"
BUT I am beginning to realize that in my "balancing" of food, I need to eat less of certain foods or cut them out of my food plan entirely in order to LOSE weight. Yes, food is not "taboo," however, some foods may be "triggers." Triggers to our system and psyche to eat more. For some people it may be sweets, others it's flour, others it's meat..... the list can go on and on! Some of us may know right off the bat what our trigger food is, others of us discover as we go forward. I gave up my nightly snack of ice cream as soon as I started this lifestyle change. I thought it would be a struggle, however after the first week, I have hardly missed it. However, the "nightly snack" habit is still a thorn in my side. Lately, I have been having mixed nuts. Now, I know that nuts are a healthy snack for fiber, they are not "taboo." However, one nut equals twenty nuts for me. I can't have just one. Nuts are a trigger for me.... to want more. Even if I measure out the nuts for recording fat grams and calories, I will still go and get more. It's a food that I need to avoid or cut out of my diet.
DIET Die-it That food needs to die (go away) from it - my food plan!
Another thing I have realized in my own life and now in reading emails from others is how much an effect the lack of planning has on our lifestyle, our eating habits, and our ability to make changes in our life - such as lose weight. Before I know it, I have chowed-down this or that, then the remorse comes later or the insight comes later. Remorse may be a strong word, but it seems appropriate many times. Remorse may be the the basis of bulimia. The insight becomes a questioning of myself. Why can't I THINK before I act (eat)? Why can't I PLAN instead of being compulsive?
Compulsiveness is the basis for the need of groups such as Overeaters Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes, I have tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I did not recognize my own compulsiveness as I was rejecting their concept of "obsessiveness." I don't eat a whole bag of chips, cookies, pasta, etc, etc.... in one setting.
Getting back to my original thought, PLANNING takes work. It takes effort. It's sometimes much easier to fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants and EAT whatever we want (i.e. compulsiveness). Planning is the basis of balance ... which is what I think the author, Robin Miller, was promoting in the quote above. By planning my food, I can determine and decide to have a balance of foods. This plan or balance may include more of one type of foods and less of another. Each person is different so I can't determine any one's food plan other than my own. It has been trial and error for me and I'm still learning.
Peace!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Catching up
There is a word to describe a stop or slow-down in weight loss, it's called a "plateau." I have come up with a different phrase, I'm calling it "catching-up." My physical, emotional & spiritual selves are catching up with the whirlwind journey I have embarked on. It seems that everything has been going fast, including weight loss. Emotions have been flying around me and in my head for weeks now, many expressed here in this blog.
The past couple of weeks, I have needed to catch-up with everything. Slow down the thoughts and emotions, which means blogging/writing less. Slow down the weight loss, which means eating more. Not really eating a whole lot more, I'm maintaining. I feel like I needed my skin to catch up on the weight loss, so I don't have to have a tummy tuck later. That may sound crazy and perhaps sounds like an excuse, but I'm OK with this slow-down. Granted I want to lose more weight and I will.
I realize that I need to have a "burning desire" to lose weight more than my burning desire to eat certain foods. I have to remind myself, "I know what that (food) tastes like so I don't need to have that food right now." I may decide later or tomorrow to have that food, BUT right now I don't need it, I know what it tastes like. A desire is something or someone we want so badly, that it hurts just thinking about not having it in our life. It burns us, it brands us.
What burning desire do we each submit or give in to? Is it appropriate for our life? Is it healthy for us? What catching up do we each need for our life?
Peace!
The past couple of weeks, I have needed to catch-up with everything. Slow down the thoughts and emotions, which means blogging/writing less. Slow down the weight loss, which means eating more. Not really eating a whole lot more, I'm maintaining. I feel like I needed my skin to catch up on the weight loss, so I don't have to have a tummy tuck later. That may sound crazy and perhaps sounds like an excuse, but I'm OK with this slow-down. Granted I want to lose more weight and I will.
I realize that I need to have a "burning desire" to lose weight more than my burning desire to eat certain foods. I have to remind myself, "I know what that (food) tastes like so I don't need to have that food right now." I may decide later or tomorrow to have that food, BUT right now I don't need it, I know what it tastes like. A desire is something or someone we want so badly, that it hurts just thinking about not having it in our life. It burns us, it brands us.
What burning desire do we each submit or give in to? Is it appropriate for our life? Is it healthy for us? What catching up do we each need for our life?
Peace!
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